A puzzle for you what do you do when he wants to end male chastity?
I don’t mean when he wants to be let out to orgasm, but if he decides the reality isn’t quite what the fantasy promised to be… and he wants to go back to “normal” life?
The reason I ask this is a recent email exchange with a reader of this blog included an enigmatic and slightly mysterious passage saying, “I spent most of my time locked, but now it’s something we steer clear of”.
He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t want to press him, but it did get me thinking… what happens if one of you changes your mind?
It’s interesting to me because most of the posts I see on forums worry about the opposite: it’s usually men asking the question and what they want to know is “how do I get my wife interested in male chastity?”
But I don’t recall ever seeing it the other way around.
Yes, there’s always the silly and fanciful stuff we’ve done to death here and over on Vanilla Edge, and I know with some couples the whole thing waxes and wanes with the seasons, work and other life-commitments and indeed with each other’s ardour, but I genuinely cannot recall seeing a single instance of someone saying they wanted to end the whole game.
And thinking about that made me realise what a dangerous game it could be for some. We’ve all heard and no-doubt used the expression “be careful what you wish for” but this takes it to a whole new level.
For my own part, I know if John changed his mind and really, deeply, truly said he didn’t want to play this game any more, I’d be extremely disappointed and it would in truth take some getting over.
Simply put, I love it. I love the way he reacts; I love all the attention I get and the incredible lovemaking; especially on the “free weekends” when I eventually allow him to orgasm.
I love teasing him and seeing the sheer ecstasy on his face… I love all of it.
And then to imagine having it all stop. If I had to choose one or the other – male chastity or John – I’d choose John, no question. But it’d be giving up a hell of a lot, and I can’t help but think it would be bound to affect the relationship as a whole.
And then there’s the other side of the coin… what about if the woman wants it to stop but her man is finally living the fantasy he’s been drooling over for the past who knows how long? Imagine she’s cuckolding him and likes her new fuckbuddy so much she simply doesn’t care about teasing, denial or male chastity any more at all.
Sitting here now late at night, just waiting to slip upstairs and dive into the shower before having my wicked way with my darling and unsuspecting hubby (he has a free weekend coming up in the not-too-distant future, the lucky man), it’s hard to imagine what all that would feel like.
Cold, distant… thoroughly unpleasant for sure.
Kind of makes me realise how lucky I am – and we both are. And, indeed, how lucky is everyone reading this who’s getting what they want, whichever side of the lock they’re on. Male chastity really does have to be one of the most amazing things to happen between a man and a woman.
Still, as I said up top: be careful what you wish for.
Because not only might you get it… but you might have it taken away too.
G’night, everyone.
Tagged as: chastity blog, Male Chastity
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Obviously, this is a concern in any relationship. When you’re dating, you do all sorts of things together. A few years after you’re married, she isn’t as keen to go to the power tool show at the convention hall anymore.
But again, that’s one of the reasons that we take breaks, even if it’s only for a few weeks. It keeps things fresh, and it helps to keep things in perspective for us.
Personally, I would agree with Tom… I couldn’t do the ‘permanent’ thing, but a random, unscheduled ‘at your whim’ playtime, be it one day, one week, or one month, would push all of my buttons. Then again, I would be absolutely open to her thoughts on when, how, and ‘if’, seeking that ‘win-win’ you mention.
Good points. Although I was more curious about couples who’ve tried it, maybe even liked it, but then one of them goes completely off the idea altogther.
I suppose it must happen, but of course in all the forums etc. it’s very much self-selecting for those (still) into the lifestyle.
Sarah.
Wonderful blog, and much needed. Ending chastity is a subject I’ve long wondered about. In over 10 years of reading chastity websites, I can’t recall anyone ending chastity, although I have read of a few men who wanted to stop but their wives wouldn’t let them. Or should I say the wives made the choice to stop very
difficult.
A few men stopped because their wives weren’t into it but that was it.
Your expanation about ending it is the first I’ve seen and pretty much what I expected. Of course you wouldn’t force your husband to continue it if he wanted to stop but as you said it would affect your lives dramatcially and I would imagine the spark.between you might never fully return to where it was before this all started.
Another issue I wonder about is what happens after the initial thrill is gone. Will it be exciting and worthwhile 10 years from now, 20 years? Or just an unfufilling routine? Are there medical dangers? I have heard of very few medical problems due to chastity and some people have been doing it for 8, 10 years or more, but I still wonder about it. Perhaps you do, too.
I find it exciting to read about chastity journeys but I’m not in chastity. I don’t have a desire to be locked up or have my orgasms controlled. So I have a dilema. I very much want the effects of chastity on our relationship but don’t know if I will like it.
And I’m afraid by the time I decide I don’t like it, it might be too late. I think I represent a small group of men who, like myself, don’t have the chastity desire but the wish to improve the relationship.
Will I grow to like it? Many others in my position have. Over my years of reading chastity related material, I can’t tell you how many thousands of people and couples have said they’ve never been happier, their marriage is like an onlgoing honeymoon, and the like. You expressed it nicely by calling your relationship “dileriously happy”. Strong stuff!!
Every site state “Be careful what you wish for”. Sounds like a warning to me. But what exactly am I being warned about. As for your excellent blog, I can tell you that blogs like this are invaluable to people like myself who want to learn. So please keep it up. In addition, reading these blogs bnrings out my submissive side and gets me in the mood to serve my wife.
Thank you.
Wow, Dennis… a lot to think about and ponder there.
First, I hasten to make clear ending chastity isn’t something either John or I am considering. I was really just musing.
But even so, it’s an important question, I think. You’ve shown there’s at least one person out there to whom this matters, and I bet there are more than that.
First, like any change in lifestyle it comes with its own dangers. If you think about it, you’ll realise even small lifestyle changes, such as one partner starting a weight-loss programme or stopping smoking can have a huge effect on a relationship. It can be a real problem when one partner starts to change and the other doesn’t.
If a couple begins to explore the chastity lifestyle there is always going to be the danger that one likes it more than the other will, or the one doing the leading finds it’s not to his or her taste, but the one being led utterly embraces it, and so on.
The question is, what then? And I think you have to be prepared for the possibility the changes it can make in your relationship might well be permanent and ultimately catastrophic, because you cannot control other people. It’s not hard to imagine a situation where one partner can no longer live in the male chastity lifestyle, and the other cannot live out of it.
But, then, life is a dangerous game and no-one gets out alive.
To your other questions: will the initial thrill wane? I can’t say. But the chances are it’s possible although perhaps unlikely if you both put the effort in. As Tom has written most eloquently, he and Mrs Edge keep it alive by changing things around. This, incidentally, is one of the reservations I have about permanent orgasm denial: it’s so final and nothing’s ever going to change. Don’t think I’d like that.
You have to make your own mind up, but I think it’s worth you giving a go. Perhaps rather than thinking about how it means you’re going to have your orgasms controlled, think about how fucking horny you’re going to be. I am confident that unless your wife absolutely freaks out at the idea and refuses even to consider trying it, you’ll both at least have some great fun in the short term.
You could begin by casually leading her into a scenario where she doesn’t let you orgasm until she’s fully satisfied or until the next morning. Maybe roll a dice or play a game and have that as her “prize” for winning. You might have to play it a few times until you win by losing, but it’s an easy way to get her into that way of thinking.
I know most people say it’s improved their relationships and lives, but don’t necessarily be swayed by that because THAT audience is self-selecting. It’s unlikely anyone who’d tried it and found it awful and had it go on to cause arguments, fights and divorce are going to post on these forums about it (and if they do, the Chastity Taliban will shout them down).
My take on it is if your relationship is unhappy and simply not working, then I doubt very much male chastity is going to help things.
If you’re not getting on and you have no sex-life because one of you can’t stand the other anywhere near her (it’s usually the woman, I’m afraid), then while locking your penis up might have some appeal to her, it’s not the one you want.
Let’s face it, most men want male chastity because it generally means they’re going to have more sexual contact with their wives and girlfriends, not less… and it’s going to be of a higher quality because the passion, lust and ardour returns.
I don’t know if I’ve answered your questions. I can’t offer you certainty, I’m afraid because I simply don’t know (and anyone telling you they do is lying).
What I CAN tell you with 100% confidence, though, is you won’t know unless you try it, even if that gets only as far as sitting down with your wife and telling her what you want (the benefits TO HER of male chastity) and telling her there’s a way you think you can give them to her and you’d like to explore the idea.
Sarah.
(This blog is quite a find – I shall follow with interest, thanks.)
I suspect that chastity belts probably *do* resolve some issues for some couples – sort of flipping from one co-dependency to another. Since fantasies come from our personalities, it’s not totally unlikely that a couple has matching ambivalences over male sexuality.
Yes, I’m sure you’re right — for some it’s going to be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.
The point I was really making is it’s not a panacea. If your wife detests you, and her skin crawls when you so much as look at her… but you want to do something to get her wanting you all over her like a rash, then male chastity is likely to make things a lot worse, not better.
Yes, she’ll be glad to lock you up… right up until the time she realises it’s turned you into a sex-crazed demon.
Sarah.
Thank you for your reply, Sarah.
I do think that at some point I will suggest something like you mentioned about delaying my orgasm and seeing how she feels about it.
Many couple starting out will have a 1 or 3 month trial period and then evaluate it after that. Perhaps after a short trial, I could back out if I didn’t like it without too much upset to my wife if she got into it.
And as for your thinking of permanent orgasm denial, once it’s done there’s no longer the thrill of considering it that you have now. And it may get boring as you suggested.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Dennis.
I also realise I didn’t answer one of your questions. I’ll do that now — you’ve given me an idea for a new post
Sarah.
I would just like to give my input here. I can speak only of my own personal experience with chastity. I have had an interest in it for many years. My wife and I tried it years ago and it did not work out. I have since changed my own thought process, I previously thought only about the fantasy part of chastity. It is very exciting and can be a lot of fun. But, it is not fantasy that you need to think about if you truly want to bring chastity into your life. It is reality that matters, are you truly honestly ready for what chastity really means?? I have come to the reality that chastity makes me a better man, husband and friend. It is very, very, very….(please do not under estimate the very serious situation you will be putting yourself in) frustrating at times. You will be spending quite a bit of time locked up without ANY attention to your desire at all. Life just does not permit the constant fantasy! I myself find it to be very difficult, but rewarding in ways I didn’t even think of. My wife is much happier with me now, she knows my attentions are centered only on her happiness taking her desires into consideration at all times. We have discussed my thoughts of maybe I jumped into this, maybe I do not want to continue. Her answer to me is “too bad!!”…”you asked for it and I am giving it to you, plus I now like it more than I thought”. Proceed cautiously!! Think before jumping to the desires that you may soon regret!
I’m confused, Scott. What prevents you from removing the belt or device?
Sarah.
I am sorry Sarah for writing something as I did, I have been getting frustrated with things the way they were going. Since my last post my wife granted me the opportunity to serve and please her, which makes me happy to do. I know it doesn’t help my position, but serving and making her happy is what makes me happy so if that is what I get to do without getting satisfaction myself that is fine with me. I don’t want to sound like some nut, but the fact is I was just whining about my level of frustration. I am sorry for that! I stay locked away because that is what my wife wants, I do not have an emergency key. I know I can cut the lock off if an emergency arose. I stay imprisoned for her pleasure as was my original desire, I will not remove this without her permission no matter how I feel without a very long and hard reality discussion which again I would want her to grant me the key to remove it. If so chooses to keep me locked away even upon my dismay I will continue on for her and see how long I can go. Sometimes I needed a swift kick in the butt to keep going, she knows that and I completely trust her and her judgement. Sarah again, “Thank you for your response”!
Hi Sarah,
I feel the need to thank you for clearing up what chastity really means nowadays and while doing so, answering some of my more frustrating questions. Chastity isn’t one of my fantasies nor is it my girlfriends but somehow we stumbled upon it with a certain amount of curiosity.
It’s weird how the concept evolved, since it was originally built upon a lack of trust (I remember reading somewhere that medieval men used to lock their women up so that they would remain faithful). So there’s a strong contrast between what it symbolizes and what it’s used for (as you describe on this wonderful blog). I wonder if people still think of it that way.
Although it caught my attention, I’m sure I wouldn’t feel comfortable with trying it, as much as I wouldn’t be comfortable with trying any life-changing experiment. And the thought that it wouldn’t just be my life that would be changing is all a little scary.
Thanks for a nice read.