It never ceases to amuse me just how difficult some people find all this.
I suppose that’s a little unfair, since I’m both a woman (which means not only am I less likely to be driving male chastity at the outset but also any kinky ideas are more likely to be well-received) and I’m already deeply immersed in the male chastity lifestyle.
But that wasn’t always so (well, I’ve always been female, obviously), and introducing the male chastity lifestyle into our marriage was really John’s doing. So kudos to him: he wanted the male chastity lifestlye, and he asked for it.
So from our perspective, it’s all done and dusted. We’re there, so to speak, wherever “there” is. I mean, not to get to drippy and wax lyrical, but regardless of how soppy and tree-huggy it sounds, getting into the male chastity lifestyle is a kind of a journey.
Or, at least, the “journey metaphor” is a good one.
How to Begin the Journey to a Male Chastity Lifestyle
Well, as I write in my FREE Guide, it means taking little baby-steps.
Too many men jump right into it, perhaps because of over-enthusiasm, or perhaps because the thought of sitting down and having an open frank and very adult conversation about their sexual kinks scares the Bejasus out of them.
Even worse, to my mind, is some men try to hint their way into the male chastity lifestyle. More than once men have said words to the effect, “I’ve left the keys lying around hoping she’ll take them and hide them, but no joy so far”.
And this surprises me not at all – hindsight is 20/20, but I am fairly certain had John not laid out his desires in plain English, and done it several times in different ways so he was sure I understood just what he was asking for, I would never have worked it all out for myself.
And even if I had – it would have taken me ages and lots of false starts, dead-ends, pitfalls and blind-alleys. Hell, we had our fair share of all of those in any case, so Lord only knows what a pickle we’d have been in if we hadn’t been so open and communicative about things.
In fact, now I think about it, it’s very much like most couples’ attitude to sex in general. We like to explore each other’s bodies, and learn our likes and dislikes… and often it doesn’t take much more than a few appreciative grunts, groans and wriggles to get the message “I like that!” across.
But what about those things you’d like to try your partner would never think of doing? Those little fantasies just far enough outside the usual stream of sexual consciousness to not be hit by the radar?
I’m pretty sure we all have them, or have been with someone in the past and had them… but how many of us are brave enough to come out with it and ask for them?
Very few of us, I suspect.
Easing the Male Chastity Lifestyle into a Marriage is No Different!
If anything, it’s a more extreme example of this, because it’s even further outside the mainstream.
You could drop hints about it until the cows come home, and your partner just isn’t going to get it, no matter how overt you think you’re being.
So, unfortunately you’ve got to suck it up, grow some backbone and ask her. Of course there are ways of asking her. In fact there’s a whole step-by-step process I outline in my FREE Male Chastity Guide, although I can sum it up neatly by saying the trick, if you like, is to show her the benefits of the male chastity lifestyle and let her experience them rather than just telling her about them, or, worse still, pointing her at some lurid (and unrealistic) stories off the Internet and thinking she’s going to jump at the chance (amazing as it seems, this is what some men have told me they did… and with results I could have easily predicted for them).
What if You’re Single?
I’d like to draw another parallel, here: Internet dating. It’s probably more socially acceptable than it was, but there’s still some faint embarrassment about it with most people, almost as if it’s a sign of failure, an indication of their inability to find a “proper” mate by the random process of wandering through life meeting people by chance.
But, see it another way: finding a partner is a marketing exercise, nothing more and nothing less. And once you look at it in those terms, you begin to see the sense in having a process in place to weed out the deadwood and focus your attention only on those who meet your preliminary criteria.
This is just how John qualifies his clients.
For example, if they are unwilling or unable to pay the kind of fees his work attracts, then they are instantly disqualified – and he finds this out right upfront before he’s put any time or effort into talking to them about their problems in detail.
In effect he’s saying. “Is your marketing problem bad enough and important enough for you to invest a minimum of £X in it to get it taken care of”. If the answer is anything but “YES!”, then they are not a qualified prospect. It saves him a lot of time, and ensures he gets only the best clients.
Internet dating is just the same. And it’s all really just a subset of the same topic: getting what you want instead of merely settling for what you’re given or stumble across.
Now, if you’re already married then you’ve already made your purchase, so to speak, so you’ve got some work to do, perhaps.
But, and I’ve said this before, if you’re still single and you want male chastity and you’re “hoping” to find someone and then “hoping” to be able to convince him or her to lock you up after you’ve tied the knot, then I think you’re making a big mistake.
After all, if you’re a man and you want male chastity, the chances are this is not just an idle whim. This is something you’ve wanted for a long time and you’ll be crushed if you get deep into a relationship only to find she isn’t and never will be interested in living the male chastity lifestyle with you.
Ask for what you want, else you’re almost certainly not going to get it: and that’s as true of incorporating the male chastity lifestyle in your marriage as it is of anything else in life.
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