A bit of a hot topic, this: enforced male chastity.
The basic premise is there are men out there who are forced to wear a chastity belt against their will. People – usually men – make this claim on forums and on blogs and it seems there’s a group of nodding-dogs out there who actually believe them.
Enforced Male Chastity — Stupid, Impossible and a Big Fat Lie
And round and round the enforced male chastity fantasy goes… where it might stop, nobody knows.
Yes, there are undoubtedly men out there who are happier than others about the fact they are wearing a chastity belt; yes, there are undoubtedly women out there who have threatened, promised or cajoled all manner of different consequences if the belt it removed, from divorce to never playing the male chastity lifestyle again to.… God alone knows what.
The fact is…
The whole Notion of Enforced Male Chastity is Pure Fantasy.
Yes, enforced male chastity is a hot fantasy (which is perhaps why it’s so common), but a fantasy it is. Male chastity is as much of a choice as marriage itself, and even less legally binding since divorce requires the consent of a judge whereas breaking male chastity is as simple as removing the belt (don’t tell me… you’re in some kind of high-tech belt modern science and engineering is totally unable to remove, right?).
Now, if you dare to question this fantasy of enforced male chastity, all sorts of people crawl out of the woodwork claiming it’s real, it happens and they dream up an impressive arsenal of semantic tomfoolery to try and prove their point.
But the one thing that’s always sadly missing…?
Evidence of Enforced Male Chastity!
Actual examples of men who are locked up in chastity belts against their will. Evidence of enforced male chastity.
And why is that evidence of enforced male chastity missing?
Oh… could it be, perhaps, that, certainly in a modern Western society… truly enforced male chastity doesn’t actually exist?
Now, let’s be clear on one thing: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, and we can’t certainly can’t prove there isn’t at least one man somewhere in the world who’s is locked up in a chastity belt against his will. We can’t disprove enforced male chastity exists.
After all, if a deranged father can keep his daughter locked up in a basement for 20 years and father his own grandchildren by her without being caught, then I suppose anything’s possible.
But here are a few reasons why the notion of enforced male chastity is bullshit:
- If the man didn’t want to wear the belt, he could simply cut it off with a hacksaw, bolt-cutters or other tools. Failing that, he could go to an engineering shop or even call the fire-service. Enforced male chastity is physically impossible.
- Since most men are physically stronger than most women, there’s a good chance If his lady is holding the key he could physically force her to hand over the key. And those men who claim they are occasionally let out to “play” could simply use force to prevent her from locking it back on again unless he were physically restrained. Enforced male chastity is physically impossible.
- The man could simply walk out of the house and go to the police, or a hotel or a friend’s and then have the belt removed in any one of a dozen different ways. Surely those men who are posting on Internet forums bemoaning their awful predicament and reporting what would be an unlawful violation of their rights would instead be, say, asking people to call the police or crying out for genuine help instead of engaging in some kind of circle-jerk with their fellow fantasists? Enforced male chastity is legally impossible.
I’m, sure you can think of other simple ways for a man to get out of this “enforced male chastity” thing.
The truth is, enforced male chastity is actually unenforceable both physically and legally.
Those who like to pretend enforced male chastity is real like to slide into arguments about women’s threats and how that constitutes “force”.
Nope. Enforced male chastity is a choice.
- If a woman tells you she’ll leave you if you don’t wear a chastity belt, then that’s a choice you have to make. So it’s not enforced male chastity.
- If a woman tells you she’ll divorce you and stop you from seeing your kids, then that’s a choice you have to make (a moment’s thought shows how silly this is: since a judge actually decides these things, the man would do well to get evidence of her threats and then present this at the divorce hearings). So it’s not enforced male chastity.
- If a woman tells you the only kind of sex life she wants with you is one where you are in enforced male chastity then that’s a choice you have to make. So it’s not enforced male chastity.
In all these cases, enforced male chastity is a choice. Perhaps it’s not an easy choice, but it’s still a choice.
And the curious thing about people is we tend to choose the least painful course of immediate action even if it’s not the least painful in the long term. So, for example, a man might choose to remain in a chastity belt with his wife because the pain of leaving her and starting over is greater than the pain of wearing the belt. Which means enforced male chastity is a choice.
We all make these choices, and we generally won’t switch the choice until the pain of the thing we don’t like but can endure… becomes unendurable.
Looking at it another way, the mechanisms we know would have to be in place for genuine enforced male chastity are necessarily powerful and complex (like perhaps building a subterranean addition to your home to keep the poor fellow in, or exercising some kind of Jedi Mind-Control over him to stop him simply removing the belt or seeking assistance).
But the mechanisms required to explain enforced male chastity in terms of consent are simple and well understood: plain, ordinary consent. Not enforced male chastity.
Which, I wonder, do you think is the most likely explanation? Experience shows a good rule of thumb is to look for the simple, most likely causes first… and male chastity being a choice rather than some complex conspiracy of enforced male chastity replicated hundreds of times around the world certainly passes that test.
If enforced male chastity were real, we’d occasionally see cases of it cropping up on the news when the man eventually escaped.
But we don’t see this, do we?
And why don’t we see enforced male chastity?
Because enforced male chastity isn’t happening.
And why isn’t enforced male chastity happening?
Because enforced male chastity is a fantasy, just like Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Now, why do the fantasists get so worked up about this when you expose it?
I don’t know because I’m not one of them, but I suspect it’s because they’re like any other group of ideologues in that they have their irrational beliefs about how the world works and they hold them for purely emotional reasons. This is perhaps why it’s impossible to argue them out of their position with logic – because their position on enforced male chastity is emotional and you can’t beat emotion with logic easily (if at all).
Ultimately they fall back on the (again emotional) argument of “why are you arguing about enforced male chastity?”, meaning “why are you being mean and spoiling my fantasy of enforced male chastity?”.
Well, as I’ve said before one of the reasons for starting this chastity blog was to provide a source of information which is perhaps a little more rational and cerebral than the illiterate wank-fodder so many people like to post.
Nothing intrinsically wrong in their posting it, and I fully support their right to freedom of speech (a shame they so often don’t reciprocate)
But I also know many women seeking information about male chastity, usually after their husbands or lovers have brought the subject up, are frightened and even repelled by the extreme and fanciful enforced male chastity and submission stories out there.
And I hope to play my part in adding a bit of balance to the discussion.
Ultimately, this is why wrote my male chastity guide. Not because my way is the right way for anyone but me, not because I think everyone should be doing it the way I do it whether it’s right for them or not.
And one thing you won’t find in it is nonsense about enforced male chastity.
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Good post Sarah, and on the whole I agree. I’m currently locked up for *at least* the next month. It was my girlfriends’ decision, not mine, although I freely admit I consented with no coercion or ‘force’. I also know that if I really wanted it off and she wouldn’t let me, I could be free within about 5 minutes, with just some basic tools (It’s only plastic, after all!). I’d say probably 99.999% of chaste men are in this position, to some greater or lesser extent. So, like you, I find it hard to believe most of the bullshit out there.
However.
I do have to wonder if your definition of ‘forced’ is a little narrow here. Yes there’s always a choice, but what if the alternative to being locked up was genuinely awful? Say by taking off the belt, you’d lose everything you had (There’s a lot to be said about allowing yourself to get in that situation, but that’s not for this discussion)? Is that *really* a choice?
For Example:
I go to work every day. I reasonably enjoy it, but I’d really rather be doing something else TBH. I do have two choices:
1. Find another job.
Not really a choice, it’s just moving the problem elsewhere.
2. Just don’t turn up.
Sure, I could do that, and probably get away with it for a couple of days, maybe a week (although I wouldn’t get paid). Eventually I’d get fired, though. And without an income, I’d get evicted from my home and lose everything I’ve worked for. So yes, it’s a choice I have, but it’s a pretty poor one. So every day at 9AM, I arrive at work. Because I have to. Not because I’m *forced* to (by your definition), but because the alternative is even worse.
Not disagreeing with you on the whole, just playing Devil’s advocate. I hope you can treat my post as such.
Garry,
The work-thing is a good example.
If your motivation was strong enough (say you really hated your job), you could start your own business, couldn’t you?
As I said in my post: you won’t do this until the pain of your current job is worse than the pain of doing something else. It’s still a choice, though, right?
Tangentially, this choice was exactly the one John and I made some time ago.
Sarah.
Thanks for keeping it real. You, Tom and a few others try and keep the focus directly on point for many of us out here. Like you and John, my Wife and I have played with a CB-6000 and male chastity for about 2 years. There are “consequences” if I don’t wear it when I’m told or ask to be released early, like being spanked or caned. Why? Because it turns us (me?) on and we like doing it! It heightens our sexual awareness, is a “secret” we share between us, and is a fun game that helps with our sex life. Does it make me “focus” on my wife and pay more “attention” to her? Sure. Why? Because it’s our sexual fantasy played out over a few days or weeks and for most people – I hope – sexual fantasies should by and large make you think about your sexual partner!
As an aside, we do the same thing with DD – domestic discipline. The same nut jobs are out there; often worse because they hide behind a façade of religious justification. We have “rules” and if we break them, then we “punish” each other. Then we make love. We don’t really care if that meets anyone’s definition of DD or if it’s *just* BDSM or whatever alphabetical nonsense you want to assign it – bottom line is it works for us and we like doing it. It is part of our kink. But, if either of us truly felt we had no choice, then I think they call that DV – domestic violence – and around here the police arrest you for it.
But, more often than not, when we don’t have time between work, kids, family, household and all the other obligations to engage in our long, drawn out, somewhat kinky fantasies, we just get naked and make love. I know – how can that be? How could she possibly “permit” me that “release?” How can I be a responsible, successful, professional without her controlling my every move? Is it really a mystery to the wank-o-philes out there how our marriage could survive such a lack of structure? Geesh… keep writing!
Guesthere… be careful, else the Chastity Taliban will be knocking on your door!
Sarah.
@ Garry and Sarah,
One loose example I sometimes use is that there is no law against breaking the law, just consequences. I can choose to drive faster than the limit – it is my choice and no one will stop me from doing it until I do – but there are consequences. The analogy breaks down because eventually I will be “forced” to stop when they throw me in jail. So, I read Garry’s comment as he feels he has no PRACTICAL choice, i.e. there are no other options that are reasonable. But therein lies the problem. If we use a “reasonableness” standard and define this by what societal norms would find acceptable (a typical way to approach it in the law, for example), then there are clearly always “reasonable choices” to chastity – like leaving the crazy, overbearing dominatrix – because society will support your decision to do so with sympathy for your plight. Much less will society accept your decision to quit work and do nothing, and certainly not very sympathetically. We (collectively myself, likely Sarah and John, and anyone else that is “locked-up”) can likely “safe-word” out at any time either because our partners will accept our change of heart or, if they don’t, society (through the law) will. But the fact remains that the psychological game of consequences, real or imagined, is titillating. My apologies if I’m hijacking this thread — I do get wordy.
GH, please, don’t apologise. The more the merrier.
Sarah.
Hi Sarah,
I hope you don’t mind my continuing to debate this.
Of all the arguments you put I’d have to say the best, to date, is the lack of any news stories. I’m certainly not aware of any.
Now one would expect a fairly high degree of under reporting. I imagine a guy who had been pressured into wearing a device would not rush out and tell the world. The very reasons that persuaded him to wear the device would likely ensure his silence, not to mention shame and embarrassment. If circumstances changed he might well continue to remain silent about what had happened just as many men remain silent about being the victims of rape or domestic abuse. If such came to light during a divorce and went to court then even with the recent changes the legal protections that prevent reporting of details from cases in the UK family courts are such that we’d never hear about it.
Claire suggested to me that if there are men out there who have been coerced into wearing a device then the last place one might expect to find them is commenting on chastity blogs or posting to mailing lists about chastity play. Even so one might expect there to have been some accounts in the news media.
We wouldn’t be debating this if there wasn’t a whole range of clearly fantasy material, fiction and the like, along with people who post obviously false accounts as fact about their, so called, forced chastity. However in amongst those there are the occasional credible sounding claims. It may be incorrect to argue that since most claims are clearly false they all are. Further those who argue they, or their partner, have no realistic choice are often silenced by the responses they receive.
I heartily approve of your noble intention to debunk myths that stand in the way of people giving chastity play a chance.
Do remember though that if a guy or girl’s fantasy involves a degree of coercion then you may be throwing the baby out with the bath water. Being the recipient of forced 24/7/365 is not one of my fantasies. However for some people it is a fantasy and perhaps for some couples. They may wish to make it more than fantasy and people can be very inventive.
For all the logical arguments that can be put the situation remains that people’s behaviour is often not fully rational and is heavily influenced by emotions. Even if you prove to everyone’s satisfaction that forced chastity cannot logically exist that does not prove that it doesn’t exist unless, perhaps, one is discussing Vulcan’s.
Further not all men are intelligent rational thinkers who are aware of or able to access the choices that others see that they have.
Which is why I like your no news stories argument even if though it is only sufficiently strong to suggest such must be very rare if it exists at all.
On the other hand I remain persuaded by the argument that “consent” because of the benefits of doing so and consequences of not doing so in a situation where the stakes are such as to amount to undue influence is not of necessity freely given and may thus be reasonably described as forced.
I suspect though that with those who argue they are consenting but their consent is irrelevant, since if they didn’t they would be forced, well when the rubber hit the road I believe, for most, the plastic would shatter. Perhaps though, not all and it only takes one to disprove the argument that chastity is always consensual.
What we really need here is a confirmed black swan sighting.
Michael
P.S. For completeness. One point that your physical force argument overlooks is that there are guys in relationships with other guys where its quite possible their partner is bigger and stronger. Chastity play is not a solely heterosexual activity.
Can we agree that *in general*, the focus of chastity and OD play is the enjoyment of erotic control and that the overwhelming majority of devices on the market are sold for such purposes?
Yes, thanks.
And while someone could be “forced” into a device, don’t you think it’s a bit silly to spend $1,000 or (probably) much more, plus have to send the belt back for several fittings? Hell, I’ve been reading chastity groups for years, and I have yet to see anyone say “Yeah, took my Neosteel right out of the box two years ago, and have yet to make an adjustment.” Invariably, those doing long-term wear have had several fittings, have gone back to the mfr for tuneups, or have changed over chains, plates, tubes, etc. And *most* users report that they need to spend weeks or months just getting used to wearing the thing. Plus, it has to come off weekly, or a few times a month for cleaning.
This seems like a hell of a lot of work (and attention!) to keep somebody that you don’t like from touching their penis. Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to dose their meals with saltpeter?
This is one of the reasons that the “forced” chastity thing ticks me off. I’m not going to claim that it *never* happens, but I think that it’s perfectly reasonable to claim that it’s rare, and that such cases are so extreme, that they have nothing to do with erotic control, and could probably be considered to be cases of abuse.
I just plain ran out of time to really get into all the discussion here… but did make reference on my recent post. I’m still in the mindset that we need a softer ‘vanilla’ exposure into this intimate play between consenting adults available to women.
Looking forward to your ‘Guide’…
Ok, I guess I’ll jump in too. Not because there wasn’t enough said about it… lol
Maybe it’s just me, but if, for the sake of argument, chastity could be forced and really were forced, then I’d call it an abusive relationship, like Tom said. Who wants to be with someone who blackmails you, forces you into chastity, etc? Yeah, I imagine that just as with domestic violence, it could be possible for someone to stay in such a relationship for any number of reasons, but it simply wouldn’t be chastity “play”.
I have not been on the forums, so I’m not sure I understand why the subject generates so much talk. Do people really try to pass these stories on as true, or are they just playing into their fantasy? Perhaps the forums are, for them, a place to go and act as if the fantasy is real? Just for the sake of the game? Because sounds like the guys who do this actually like being in their device. Big clue right there
Bottom line is, I don’t know if enforced chastity, the real deal, can or does exist, but my opinion is, if it does, it’s just not what we’ve been blogging about. I see a clear difference. Just like hurting a masochist, who ENJOYS it, is just not the same thing as someone beating up their S/O in a case of domestic violence.
Elle makes a very good point about loving and abusive relationships that I’d like to expand a bit. I’m almost certain from the little I’ve read, Sarah, that for you John’s consent is a moral imperative. Without it, you could not do what you do, even if you enjoyed it. Not only would it alter your marriage; you would not feel right with yourself as a human being.
The flip side of this, of course, is that his consent frees you. You can push and continue to push his chastity, beyond what he initially imagined, because you know that if he ever felt he were being damaged, he would have the power to say so. He may find himself loving and hating it at the same time. He may desire a less severe experience but continue to remain in extended chastity because he prefers the pleasure he gives you to the pleasure he would want for himself. You don’t need to worry about how far you push this because you know you are acting within a manner that is morally acceptable to you both.
As far as decisions based on greater pain, there are also decisions based on old-fashioned compromise. I would love to experience longer periods of chastity than I have (a month). However, my love simply wants other things from me more often than truly extended chastity can bring. There are so many benefits to remaining with the woman I love that I don’t let my fantasy of long-term chastity ruin the relationship. I get *some* of what I crave/fantasize/whatever and a lot more besides.
While I will agree with the fantasy of “forced” chastity. It Is a “Choice” I make to endure chastity.
I am a 24/7 Permanently collared “boy” to my Mistress.
My permanent collar being that of a stainless small link necklace type that has had the clasp removed and a link was left opened so that on our collaring night it could be closed with two pair of needle nose pliers. Yes it could be cut off very easily. But the emotional pain would be far worse if it were removed.
Our/my choice to endure chastity is a fantasy we have “chosen’ to make Real.
i/We have found the that the benefits of orgasm denial is not only a great foreplay. But it IS True that when a man is denied orgasm he mentally begins to focus his attention on the pleasure of his significant other.
And it is The Truth to say that this in most cases even mine. That this must be accomplished with the help of a good chastity device.
Now some guys will say they don’t need a device. TRUST me they do ! Males masturbate. That’s all there is to it. Its in our wiring to do so. Any male that says he doesn’t is Lying.
i have experienced problems with the plastic ones. And a stainless steel one. But we think we have found one that has an open air design. Accompanied by my locking leather jock cup style belt i am made to wear at night. And yes it is surprisingly comfortable.
It is a challenge to “force” yourself to endure this.
But the rewards far outweigh those mini orgasms at night or in the mornings. And the typical thrill of everyday sex. Because guys don’t like to admit that once we get our cookies off. We don’t have any interest in seeing to hers. Especially after that good ole Testy drop. (Testosterone drop)
But if i see to it she gets a great sexing thru other ways. Then when she does finally release me. My orgasms are Ten times more intense.
The chastity Is quazi Forced. With milkings in between for health reasons. Because she makes sure that “Her” cock is kept under her control until she is ready to grant me that all cherished orgasm. Be it with her hand
, mouth or actual sex. Either way. My orgasms are at her discretion.
And has drastically changed our sex life for the better. As well as me becoming Much sweeter to her and a lot more attentive to her needs and wants.
So chastity Really does work. “Forced” chastity makes it even more fun.
So there is such thing as “Forced” chastity. Just under a “consensual way.
Something to ponder on.
Flogger Steve
Now some guys will say they don’t need a device.
Some guys say that they don’t need any commas. I’m inclined to believe otherwise.
Just saying.
Our/my choice to endure chastity is a fantasy we have “chosen’ to make Real.
[...]
So chastity Really does work.
I’m not you, and I don’t know your relationship,(here’s a comma – it creates a pause) but I suspect that what is “working” is your desire to play out those internal erotic scripts; (that’s a semi-colon, by the way)if you decide that you want to play out a “real” scenario, then that’s what you will do.
But if your collar links can be closed with pliers, then they can be opened with pliers, as well. Likewise, whatever device that you have “works” simply because you agree not to work at defeating it.
And all of this is fine, by the way. But let’s keep in perspective that you are not being forced to wear a device; you’re doing so willingly because it enhances the sense of erotic control that you want to share with your partner.
I like the thought stream that started dealt with “pushing boundries”.I might not like to do a certain practice in fact hate to do it but will get off on having done it later.Why?Because pleasing her is the most important thing.So forced at first then the acknowldgement that it was hot to do the thing I did not want to do.
However there are some things I would never do so my consent woul dnever be forthcoming.