The notion of Forced Male Chastity rears its funny little head again in one of the recent comments on the Blog, where one commentator apparently keeps her husband locked away in forced male chastity under pain of “kicking him out” if he doesn’t do as he’s told.
It seems his acceding to this,“request” of forced male chastity is somehow “proof” he loves her.
Whether this scenario of forced male chastity is actually true or not, I’ll share with you why I think such an inflexible and blinkered attitude to forced male chastity is less likely to give anyone what they want from their relationships, or, indeed from any other area of their lives.
There’s a common misconception equating rigidity and inflexibility with strength, from governments which claim to be “tough on crime”, to women who demand forced male chastity and say about their husbands “If he doesn’t want to wear it [a chastity device], he can always pack his stuff and get out. But, he wants to be with me. Okay, fine. But these are my rules. Wear it or pack up”.
Putting the, to my mind, likely exaggerations or untruths in this kind of claim to forced male chastity by means of emotional blackmail aside, let’s look at how this forced male chastity (or indeed any) kind of inflexible behaviour limits your choices, and how, in contrast, flexibility means the number of choices you have expands – and the more choices you have, the better choices you tend to make.
Imagine You Do Tell Your Husband if He Doesn’t Accept Forced Male Chastity Your Marriage is Over.
What are the possible consequences of such inflexible behaviour aplied to forced male chastity?
Well, let’s imagine your husband really doesn’t enjoy forced male chastity, and can’t stand it being this strict. With forced male chastity it’s all ceased to become a game and leaves him feeling genuinely miserable or physically uncomfortable. Yet he knows if he wants to end forced male chastity his wife is going to end the marriage.
What effect might forced male chastity then have on his state of mind, his work, his relationship with his wife, his children and others around him?
Even if we ignore any subjective opinions about what kind of a woman she might be or what state their relationship might be in for her to care so little about herself or him and demand forced male chastity with those threats, it’s fairly clear it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Because separation and divorce have massive and long-lasting financial, emotional, physical and lifestyle consequences, and would leave both parties no longer enjoying forced male chastity or any other kind.
He’s now left without a wife (and perhaps a home and family, too), and she’s no longer able to enjoy her position as key-holder and has to choose between having nothing and looking for a man stupid enough to have his relationship resting on the requirement for him to endure forced male chastity come what may.
And Forced Male Chastity Might Not Even Be This Simple for a Woman Who Makes This Arbitrary Decision
For example, why does her husband have to leave if he won’t accept forced male chastity?
If they’ve been married for a while, in most countries they both have an interest in the marital home, and what would a judge think of her demands for forced male chastity?. Unless he’s a complete weakling, what’s to stop him rejecting forced male chastity and telling you, “if you want us to live apart, you can move out”.
Nothing. And that’s exactly what John told his ex when she said she wanted to part. It’s this kind of silly made-up story about forced male chastity that scares some couples of from experimenting with the lifestyle in general and the fun-game of illusory forced male chastity in particular.
Now, this is an extreme form of forced male chastity and highly unlikely ever to occur in real life, except with extremely fucked-up people in extremely fucked-up relationships. Think several miles to the left on the bell-curve.
But the same principles of flexibility hold true for every part of the game, not just forced male chastity. Once you have rigid and inflexible rules, you limit your choices and that can start to take the fun out of it.
This is, of course, why I’m virtually certain never to invoke the permanent orgasm denial clause in our chastity contract, since it then limits what we can do from there on out to eternity. You could argue having a contract at all is limiting, and there’s some truth in that. But just like any “law”, it can be bent and broken, and John is a master at that.
What he doesn’t do, and I’m 99.99% certain about this , is orgasm when he’s not supposed to, even when he’s on his Honour.
But if he did and I somehow knew about it, would I fly into a rage because he’d broken the “rules”, somehow spoiled the illusion of forced male chastity?
The first thing I’d do is find out why.
After all, we all make the best choices we can, given what we know at the time and given the choices available to us. Basically, if John had an orgasm when he wasn’t supposed to and forced male chastity went awry, there’d be a reason for it and instead of inflexibly yammering on about how he’d broken my rules, we’d both benefit more from understanding why and then maybe changing some things so it doesn’t happen again, assuming that’s what we both want.
To belabour the point I’ve made many times, and will keep on making because I think it’s so important: even strict and so-called forced male chastity is something you do with someone and not to them. Forced male chastity is a game.
When John’s Tollyboy belt arrives and we get through the period of adjustment and acclimatisation, there is no doubt at all I am going to be the meanest, cruellest, strictest and most exacting daughter-of-a-bitch you can imagine when it comes to keeping him locked up, denied and begging to be allowed release. As I said before, denial until Christmas is almost a given, late January likely and this time next year not impossible.
And there’s no doubt it’s going to be tough for him and in truth, I suspect neither of us really knows just how tough it’s going to be.
But it will be forced male chastity in the context of a close, warm, and deeply loving relationship rather than something I’m going to “make” him do regardless of how he feels about it, and with inflexible and terrible consequences if he doesn’t do stick to it.
Apart from anything else, even if we ignore the fact inflexibility severely restricts our choices, the simple fact is simply not knowing is far more fun than certainty.
If you know you’re not going to orgasm for six months, then you’re both constrained in your behaviour – even the woman, who’s supposed to be in control. And even if the consequences of taking the device off is divorce, then human nature guarantees you’re going to look for ways to break that rule, especially if you’re genuinely unhappy wearing it.
After all, why wouldn’t you? Neither of the two options available to you leaves you feeling happy, so you’ll look for ways to cheat. None of this bodes well for the relationship or the forced male chastity game you’re supposed to be enjoying.
John’s not knowing if it really is going to be a year or whether I’m going to surprise him with a Weekend Honeynoon makes the whole thing far more exquisite for both of us (and makes it more likely for John to happily and willingly “comply”).
For most people seeking information and reading this Blog this lifestyle something they want to explore to improve and enhance their lives and relationships.
What they don’t want to discover is a way to coerce each other into things which are simply going to make everyone miserable in the end (correction: some people might want to discover this kind of thing, in which case go and read another blog because you won’t find what you’re looking for here).
I’ll end on a personal note about the kind of person who’d threaten someone with divorce over their not wearing a chastity device or toeing the line of your fucked-up idea of forced male chastity.
Any woman or man who’d treat someone else in such a shabby fashion over such a small thing is an utter shit in my opinion. There’s no real difference between this and a man verbally bullying his wife about the clothes she wears, and, say, threatening to restrict her access to money if she doesn’t toe the line. It’s not forced male chastity so much as unpleasant mental abuse.
I personally think a husband in this situation is best rid of such a vile and revolting woman.
I don’t for a second deny she has the right to make on him any demands she chooses; nor do I deny him the right to be a spineless weakling and let her have her nasty little way.
Lord knows what such a person could possibly hate about herself so intensely that she feels the need to dominate and control other people like this. No, not just others: her husband, the man she’s supposed to love.
A woman like that is poison.
And by staying with her and her spiteful demands for forced male chastity, a man just going to let the poison spread.