For a respon­si­ble key­holder chastity is nei­ther a licence for bad behav­iour (well, not for bad bad behav­iour… wicked bad behav­iour is a given), nor an excuse for rid­ing roughshod over the wants, needs and desires of your man.

A.G. asked me the other day:

“You talk of doing things to John, just because you can, and say how horny it makes you. (Remem­ber, power cor­rupts, and absolute power cor­rupts absolutely.) What’s to pre­vent you from push­ing the bounds grad­u­ally, devel­op­ing a sit­u­a­tion like the frog in the pot being heated grad­u­ally until he’s boiled? This is a key issue for any­one con­sid­er­ing giv­ing up con­trol, pos­si­bly get­ting into some­thing that can’t be reversed, can become very destructive.”

This is all true and he makes some very good points.

One answer to this is my con­trol of John doesn’t extend beyond his orgasm denial. I am not his “mis­tress” and since my role in this con­text is lim­ited to being a key­holder chastity is strictly con­fined to the bedroom.

As I point out in the free Guide and Newslet­ter, if push comes to shove, ours is def­i­nitely a male-led rela­tion­ship. This isn’t some­thing we’ve had to think about too much, because it’s just the way it is and always has been. It’s the way it suits us.

Of course this is some­thing cou­ples need to con­sider — hence why I talk about ground rules, prob­a­bly to the point of monot­ony for some.

A chastity con­tract can form part of the ground rules and per­haps should do for some cou­ples new to the lifestyle or, indeed, any­one who finds it hard to think crit­i­cally and dispassionately.

A sec­ond answer for us in our par­tic­u­lar case it’s also that we’re both level-headed and com­mu­ni­cate reg­u­larly out­side of the con­text of chastity.

Because I’m his key­holder chastity is impor­tant, but it’s not the sum-total of our rela­tion­ship as it might be if we were into female dom­i­na­tion. It’s not like he’s always under my thumb, so to speak.

Hav­ing said all that, I think it’s impor­tant in all rela­tion­ships every­one knows what the bound­aries are and where they lie. There’s a com­mon mis­con­cep­tion that in telling some­one “I won’t tol­er­ate X” is the same as say­ing “You mustn’t DO X”.

It’s not.

What it’s say­ing, and I’m talk­ing about adult rela­tion­ships here, is “I don’t have rela­tion­ships with peo­ple who do X”. And every­one has the right to say that. For the belt-wearer and the key­holder chastity should really be no different.

As an exam­ple from our busi­ness, John is very strict with our clients. He doesn’t take incom­ing phone calls except by arrange­ment – and if they’ve agreed to talk at 10:00, then that’s when they talk, unless they’ve agreed to change the time before­hand. If they call late, or are not there when John calls, he resched­ules the call. No exceptions.

I can imag­ine some of you will think that’s bad busi­ness prac­tice, but it works very well. John is a pro. and has a stel­lar rep­u­ta­tion. It serves him and the busi­ness very well, and has done for many years.

Now, clients are aware of this from the out­set. And again, back in the con­text of male chastity for the belt-wearer and the key­holder chastity should really be no dif­fer­ent: you need to have an objec­tive frame­work of rules either of you can call on to arbi­trate your behaviour.

This is espe­cially impor­tant if you find your­self becom­ing car­ried away with the emo­tion of it all. I can think of few things sad­der than a man cry­ing because his wife is plan­ning to cuck­old him and he feels he can’t back out – if they were grown up and had any sense he’d be able to call “time out” to dis­cuss things like this at any time.

I agree there can be some­thing of a slip­pery slope and rela­tion­ships can slide into all sorts of hor­rors with­out any­one being aware of what’s hap­pen­ing until some real dam­age has been done. I can see if you’re locked by a care­less, thought­less and unheed­ing key­holder chastity could become miserable.

All the more rea­son, then, to have an admit­tedly uncom­fort­able dis­cus­sion right at the beginning.

And there are some wise words from Jef­fer­son to help us here, I think: “The price of free­dom is eter­nal vig­i­lance”.

Never have truer words been spoken.

Tagged as: keyholder chastity, Male Chastity, male chastity benefits, male chastity keyholder, male chastity marriage

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