I had a message from a nice lady we’ll call “P”, about male chastity and female domination.
She said, in part:
“I feel that you are missing the fun part with this lifestyle by not incorporating the femdom lifestyle with the chastity”
Now this was only one sentence in a message of about 20 or so sentences, so I’m not having a go at this lady at all (the rest of the message variously touched on the difficulty of finding belts and devices for long-term wear, and how real-life tends to get in the way of the fantasy – all good stuff and generally aimed at wishing John and me luck in our quest for a year’s orgasm denial). It’s just one sentence which highlights a constant source of frustration and occasionally even irritation for me.
P’s comment is necessarily subjective. She says so in the first two words: “I feel”. And that’s as far as I need to go, really. Because it’s a personal opinion and it’s no different from any other personal opinion – it’s, well… personal. Male chastity and how you fit it into your life is also a purely personal thing. Getting this message over is perhaps the raison d’être for this Blog and indeed, both the Free Guide and the Ultimate Guide (which is well on the way).
I think people are missing out on a lot of fun by not working from home as a freelance writer; but tell someone who hates writing, and they’ll give you an odd look. John thinks people who don’t speak at business conferences are missing out on a lot of fun, but research shows most people fear public speaking more than they fear death itself.
Now, as I have said over and over again any control I have or want over John is confined to control over his orgasms. That’s it. I can’t put it any simpler than that. And it’s nothing to do with domination or female superiority any more than cunnilingus has to do with Michelin stars.
For us, male chastity is just another kinky game, no different from, say, spanking or playing with a dildo or chocolate body paint. I think perhaps people assume it “must” be different because it’s played out over a long period of time (although even this isn’t true for some couples); and because it’s often found in relationships which also involve D&S.
Well correlation is not causality. I’m sure D&S couples also own motor cars and eat bread, but I hope no one would claim driving motor cars or eating bread is necessarily a sign you’re in a D&S relationship.
Now, the reason we don’t have a D&S relationship mixed in with the male chastity is quite simply we don’t want one. I don’t feel I’m missing anything because it simply doesn’t interest me, in the same way I don’t feel I’m missing anything because I don’t go to church, eat scat or ride a pogo-stick.
And not only do neither of us not want one, I, personally find submissive men completely unattractive. They don’t do anything for me at all. Not even a little bit.
As I’ve said over and over again, I like my men to be strong, confident, assertive and masculine. A man’s submission to me, as opposed to his surrender would be as erotic as dumping a bucket of cold piss over me.
If anything, I prefer John to be dominant. Even when he’s in male chastity and orgasm denial, sometimes I like him to be aggressive with me, hold me down and fuck me hard, pinning me to the bed while I come over and over again. He still doesn’t get to come, of course, but I get everything I want from it, including the pleasure of realising my feminine power to fan the inferno of his desire for me.
I do understand P wasn’t equating male chastity with female domination and was merely pointing out she feels it’s something I might enjoy if I tried it. However, there are those who simply won’t accept they are not the same thing, and one doesn’t even imply the other.
But as for trying it… I don’t want to because I know the result won’t be something I find appealing: a submissive man. To me submissive men aren’t sexy. It’s as simple as that. If they are to you, then that’s fine. But to me they never have been, are not now, and in all likelihood never will be.
Don’t think I’ve not thought about this and turned it over in my mind. I have.
And my informed decision is it’s simply not something I want. I’m perfectly happy living the male chastity lifestyle as simply that, without all the other stuff people seem to want to force into the mix.
End of story.