Just when you think you had all the benefits of male chastity nailed down another one pops up.
Not that I’m complaining, mind. I get plenty of benefits of my own and while many of the ones readers write to me about aren’t relevant to me personally, it’s not to say they never will be as John and I get older and we, and perhaps our circumstances change.
In this instance, I’m talking about the sometimes vast difference between men’s and women’s sexual desires.
John and I are lucky in that we’ve both got about the same sex drive. John’s is probably a little higher than mine since he’s a man, but on the whole we’re well matched. In addition, we’re very open and clear in how we communicate so if there ever was a problem it wouldn’t just sit and fester and become the proverbial elephant in the room.
As a friend commented to me in email a few weeks ago, it’s a shame sex is still such a taboo that grown men and women so often feel unable to discuss it rationally. Almost invariably it degenerates into finger-pointing, blame-laying and arguments and the problem never seems to be solved.
And what makes that even worse, perhaps, is the solution is often so bloody simple. Worse yet… there are so many solutions they’re blind to – and male chastity is just one of them.
I’m planning on writing a lot more about the problem of mismatched sexual desire, but for now I want to look at just one facet of it: where the man is hornier than the wife and there’s a problem around it. This problem is exceedingly common, and I think anyone experiencing it could do worse than explore male chastity even if just as a “thought experiment”, or even just using the “Honour System” if a device really is just too kinky.
An observation I will make is, like so many problems in our lives and relationships, it grows from something very small, innocuous and insignificant. Like a cancer, it becomes a real problem only because we don’t catch it early enough.
Consider: there will come that first time in every relationship where one of you is horny and the other just isn’t in the mood and says “no”.
Usually it’s the woman who’s the one who’s not in the mood (statistically, this is more likely than the reverse, so deal with it and don’t bug me with “but I’m different”).
Now, the first time this happens, the man will usually make a point of not being pushy – after all, in the main he doesn’t want to seem even remotely like a bully, does he?
Fast forward a few times and there will come that occasion when he’s just a little irritated and makes some little sarcastic comment, or takes the passive-aggressive approach and lets her know his displeasure with some (not very) subtle huffing and puffing (male chastity can cure this, too).
It doesn’t take long before this refusal to face the issue head on like grown-ups builds an impenetrable wall around the subject and it morphs into that elephant we were talking about.
It’s all well and good to say this could be nipped in the bud, but that’s no good if you’re experiencing the problem now, is it?
This is where male chastity comes in.
Because by allowing the woman to take control, the elephant has a chance to disappear.
And this happens because all sexual activity is by tacit consent controlled and initiated by the woman. If she wants to say “no”, she can, and she can do so without any of the guilt or pressure she felt before.
Of course, it’s not the case she gets this all her own way. In most cases she also has to give a little.
Most men (quite rightly) won’t stand for just being “locked and left”. Male chastity isn’t just an excuse to avoid sex even more than you’re avoiding it now – and if that’s how you see it, then I strongly recommend you fix the other problems in your relationship first, because I think you’re whipping up some big problems for yourself and doing nothing to fix the ones you already have.
Bonus Benefit No. 1: if years, perhaps decades, of being turned off by this problem (because it does spiral out of control since your man’s passive-aggression leaves you feeling even less horny, which gets him even more huffy and so on…) have left you feeling sexless then the inevitably increasing intimacy male chastity fosters is likely to break the cycle and fan your own flames of desire again.
Bonus Benefit No.2: your man might be getting even less sex or fewer orgasms than before, but there’s a damned good chance he’s going to be a lot happier and more satisfied with what he does get. This is one place where less really is more.
I’ve treated this perhaps a little glibly and simplistically, because it’s possible there are some tremendous rifts between you as a result of this problem of mismatched sex drive.
But it’s still worth looking into male chastity as a possible solution, even if it’s just a partial one.
It’s unlikely to work miracles and there’s no guarantee male chastity will work at all, but it stands a much better chance of working than continuing what you are doing because that’s what got you where you are in the first place.