An interesting question from Robert about the male chastity benefits I enjoy, and what I get out of it with John.
The comment is here, but in brief he asked:
“I have read all of your entries since the very beginning. But one question remains unanswered for me: why do you enjoy it as much as you do? What is it that you get out of it?”.
That’s a good question. On one level, as Robert quite rightly points out the trivial answer is “because I like it”. As with many things it perhaps ultimately comes down to why do we like something, and no matter how much we rationalise it, the answer ultimately always boils down to “because it gives me pleasure”.
But I think it’s worth looking at what it is I find so pleasurable, even if the why it’s pleasurable remains forever unknown even to me.
And the truth is, for me there are a lot male chastity benefits some purely sexual, others more complex, deeper and more profound.
The first and probably most obvious thing is it’s improved our sex-life immeasurably.
It was always good but perhaps inevitably it was not the same as it was when we were first together. That doesn’t necessarily make it any worse, just different. I guess it’s swings and roundabouts: the passion and lust dies away, but then you gain trust, familiarity (which can work both ways, of course), and an ever-growing emotional intimacy.
But sometimes it’s nice to have a rampant hot-gorilla fuck, and that’s harder, in my experience, when you’ve been with someone for a long time.
This is, incidentally, one of the things about “open relationships” that appeals to me – the thought of being able to have no-strings sex with someone new and scratch that itch, yet still have the security, intimacy and warmth of a strong relationship behind you. For me one of the major male chastity benefits I can have that cake and eat it, too.
Which is just as well, because the downsides of extra-marital sex rule it out for me personally: first, I have to have an emotional connection before having sex with someone, and that’s not something I want to invite into my life right now; plus, no man even comes close to measuring up to John. He’s actually cool with the idea (and, just as a tease for you all, it’s something I drove him crazy with on our dirty weekend), but for me it’s not an option at this moment.
What’s more, even though it reeks of double-standards, the thought of John fucking another woman sends me into a cold sweat and has me wanting to find her and eviscerate the bitch before dumping her body in a secluded spot for the forest creatures to eat.
But one of the male chastity benefits John and I have discovered is that’s all moot, because even though we have less penetrative sex and John has far, far fewer orgasms, we have far more sexual activity and I have far, far more. Not only that, but they last longer, they’re more frequent and they’re unimaginably more powerful.
A second of the perhaps obvious male chastity benefits which is probably a knock-on from the first (or, more likely, they’re both tied together in a positive feedback loop), is it means we’re far more emotionally connected than before. Intimacy breeds desire, and acting on that desire breeds intimacy. One manifestation of this is John is more attentive, considerate and loving. He was all of these before, too, but now any tendency to take me for granted is overshadowed by his constant desire and arousal. And the same is true for me, too.
I’m constantly aware of John in my life and all the things he does for me, all he means to me and how much I want him, and that stops me from becoming cavalier or lackadaisical about our relationship.
The myth is that men become always submissive and women always become dominant and can expect being treated as a queen as their natural birthright. That’s one hypothesis, although it’s not borne out by the facts and it’s far more complicated than the alternative I, Tom Allen, and no doubt others have written about before: male chastity benefits you by making more intimate more often, that makes you happy and loving, and happy loving people do happy loving things.
I think chivalry plays a part, too.
John is old fashioned and very Gentlemanly. I personally like that, and I don’t find it compromises my equality, individual sovereignty, or my identity as a woman.
Some feminists disagree, and they are free to live their lives how they choose; and they’re more than welcome to the kind of, ingratiating, supplicating and, in my opinion, thoroughly unattractive men who seem to share that view. One of the biggest male chastity benefits from my point of view is I get ardour without supplication.
I like my men to be manly, masculine, confident, and in control of themselves and the situations they find themselves in, and this isn’t mutually exclusive with orgasm denial and control; I like my men to stand up to me when I get bitchy, fretful, emotional and wheedling. We women test you men all the time, and we hate it when we get our own way. In the short term it’s great, but long-term it’s a slow poison in the relationship.
So, I’d rather have James Bond in my bed and carrying my bags than some namby-pamby New-Age do-gooder.
I’m sure D&S plays a part for some couples, and perhaps for a few is the total reality, but those instances are necessarily going to be a small minority, and locking your man in a chastity belt does not presuppose or must needs be part of a D&S lifestyle.
A third of the male chastity benefits I get is more personal, more internal and much harder to define even to myself let alone explain to someone else.
It’s given me more confidence, higher self-esteem, and a greater sense of self-worth than I had before. I’m in my 40s now, and while I’m in pretty good shape since I don’t drink much, don’t smoke, and exercise frequently, I am not the smooth-skinned, flexible filly with the tight fuck-me-all-night body I was when I was 18.
Knowing a man as desirable, masculine and powerful as John wants me so much boosts my ego no-end. Knowing he loves the thought of seeing me fuck another man catches my breath in my throat, even though it’ll never happen. Yes, he looks at other women and porn, but that’s all to my benefit in the long run: male chastity benefits us by keeping that desire for me hot and bubbling all the time.
I guess I’d call this my feminine power as opposed to the commonly held notion of female power. The latter is an illusion and one of the male chastity benefits I think is rightly considered to be mostly fantasy by people who actually bother to think about things.
Much as feminists would like it to be otherwise, we women are free because men allow us to be – simply because they are physically stronger than we are. You can argue the rights and wrongs of it all day long, but if we woke up one morning and men’s psyches had changed overnight and they decided to enslave us, there’s not a lot we could do about it. They’re bigger, stronger, faster, and far more aggressive.
But our feminine power is different. Perhaps it’s nature’s compensation for our lack of stature, muscle and aggression. We can grab men by their most sensitive parts without having to lift a finger: a smile, the roll of our hips, a few well-chosen words. We’ve brought empires crashing down by making men want us to the point of insanity.
Male chastity benefits me by letting me exercise and enjoy that kind of feminine power in a safe, controlled and highly sexually-charged environment.
I can have John, a true Alpha male by any measure, wrapped around my finger, like Cleopatra’s Anthony, or Helen of Troy’s Paris. Within the secure confines of our relationship, I am like a Princess, the most desirable woman in the realm for whose hand and favour strong, honourable and powerful men will fight and risk their lives.
Male chastity is a big, exciting and wonderful fantasy. And I get the feeling we’ve only just scratched the surface of it yet.
P.S. Robert: I do allow John to penetrate me and not orgasm, as I wrote in “Male Orgasm Denial (Tips for Ladies ONLY!)“.