Male Chastity FAQ

This Male Chastity FAQ Answers Probably 90% of the Questions I Get Most Commonly Asked.

Sta­tis­ti­cally, that means what­ever ques­tion you’re think­ing of ask­ing me it’s more likely than not I’ve already answered it.

Please, read this FAQ first and read the FREE Guide and sub­scribe to my Newslet­ter before you send me ques­tions you want me to answer personally.

Important: if You Ask Me a Question and I've Already Answered It In This Male Chastity FAQ You Won't Get a Reply

In other words, your not get­ting a reply to your mes­sage is A Big Clue.

The ques­tions and answers in this FAQ are a mix­ture of gen­eral ques­tions about male chastity and spe­cific ones about me and John and how we live the lifestyle. The ques­tions in this are in no par­tic­u­lar order (this is deliberate).

Male Chastity FAQ 1. I have a question you might have already answered on the Blog, but...

First, read this FAQ. Then read the Blog. All of it.

Still not found the answer?

Well, then, and only then, is it worth send­ing me a mes­sage (and only if you’re a newslet­ter reader or BCWYWF owner).

Seri­ously, if you can’t be both­ered to read what I’ve already spent time writ­ing, then I really can’t be both­ered reply­ing to you.

When you’ve done that, then you should elect to receive my free male chastity guide – because you also get a weekly newslet­ter and that’s where I answer the ques­tions you ask me. I hate to keep repeat­ing this, but prob­a­bly 90% of the ques­tions I get asked I’ve already answered and it’s up to you to check out the resources before clam­our­ing for my attention.

Male Chastity FAQ 2. We enjoy doing ‘X’. Is this OK?

Yes. If you both con­sent, then it’s fine.

No one else has a say.

It’s your life.

Male Chastity FAQ 3. How can I convince my partner to embrace the male chastity lifestyle?

The short answer is… you can’t.

A longer answer is never mind the dam­age the hype and fan­tasy you’ll read about in Blogs and Forums can do to your plans, facts and infor­ma­tion won’t help – to be con­vinced, they need to con­vince them­selves, and, to do that, they’ve got to expe­ri­ence it and feel it happening.

So, show them, don’t just tell them. Take it slowly and care­fully and realise it’s not like pok­ing your eye out or los­ing a limb — if you get some­thing wrong, it’s not impor­tant unless you get into a tizzy and make it important.

The main thing is to start gen­tly, with small baby-steps.

She will gen­er­ally come round to the idea rapidly, once she starts expe­ri­enc­ing the ben­e­fits for herself.

I cover this in the free guide. If you haven’t elected to receive it, please do so now because I go into much more detail there.

Male Chastity FAQ 4. My wife is making me do this... I don’t like it and I have no choice... I'm in a permanent chastity belt... what can I do?

Go away.

You always have a choice, no one makes you wear a belt and there is no such thing as a per­ma­nent chastity belt. Any of them no mat­ter how well made and out of what­ever mate­r­ial can be cut off. Simple.

Stop wast­ing my time with this silliness.

Male Chastity FAQ 5. No, but really... she says she’ll divorce me if I don’t do it!

Then find your­self another wife.

The one you have really isn’t worth your time. You deserve better.

Now… go away!

Male Chastity FAQ 6. Such and such is a really hot fantasy... should we do it?

I don’t know. Should you?

I don’t know you or your per­sonal cir­cum­stances, and I don’t know your part­ner, either. So I can’t pos­si­bly even begin to guess what the results might be if you engage your fan­tasies, no mat­ter what they are.

What I can tell you, though, is almost any deci­sion you make while in a highly emo­tional state is unlikely to be a good one. When you are emo­tional, you are not think­ing log­i­cally – which means the ratio­nal and often pre­dictable con­se­quences of your actions will be hid­den from you.

If you do make the right deci­sion, it will be more by luck than by judge­ment. And, in gen­eral, the hot­ter the fan­tasy, the more extreme it tends to be. Which means it’s even more impor­tant to think about it dispassionately.

My advice is to dis­cuss the fan­tasy when you’re both calm and unlikely to get hot and both­ered – per­haps after you’ve just made love and you’ve both had your orgasms.

Ulti­mately, though, make your own choices. Just realise you reap what you sow, and some things really can’t be undone.

Male Chastity FAQ 7. Do we need a device to play at male chastity?

If you think you do, then you do.

On the other hand, if you think you don’t, then you don’t.

Many cou­ples very suc­cess­fully use the “Hon­our” sys­tem (includ­ing John and me on many occasions).

If it works for you both, then there’s your answer.

If it doesn’t… well… fig­ure it out.

Male Chastity FAQ 8. Do we need to have a “chastity contract” in place?

See the ques­tion above.

Male Chastity FAQ 9. What’s the best male chastity device for me/my husband to wear?

The short answer is I don’t know.

It’s a bit like ask­ing what’s the best kind of car… a Land Rover or a Rolls Royce.

And so the long answer is… it depends.

If you want to go off-road and ford deep rivers, then a Land Rover would be a bet­ter choice than a Rolls; but if you’re look­ing for lux­ury trans­port to impress a vis­it­ing Diplo­mat, then you’d prob­a­bly be bet­ter going for a Rolls.

Not only that, but dif­fer­ent men’s bod­ies react in dif­fer­ent ways to the same devices. John found the CB3000 use­less, because it was very uncom­fort­able and, worst of all, didn’t stop him mas­tur­bat­ing orgasm. But I know at least one man who finds the CB3000 com­fort­able and effec­tive for pretty much 24/7 wear.

The first Lori, a beau­ti­ful piece of work, sim­ply caused him to swell up with oedema. No fault what­so­ever with the device, the qual­ity, or Lori her­self. It just didn’t suit John.

And then there are full belts, like the Tolly­boy (which John had before), the Neosteel and the Latowski, to name but three.

Each has its advan­tages and disadvantages.

In gen­eral I think it’s safe to say a full belt tends to be more secure than a sim­ple device (with the excep­tion of the Loris, which are very secure). The belts are also more expen­sive, in the main.

Ulti­mately, though, you won’t know what works for you unless you give some­thing a try. It prob­a­bly makes sense to start off (rel­a­tively) cheap and sim­ple, say with some­thing like a CB3000 and then see how that works.

If it does what you want it to do, then fine; if not, you may have to think again.

Bot­tom line: suck it and see. There is no other way.

Male Chastity FAQ 10. How long should I make my husband wait?

It’s up to you. There are no rules about this.

Gen­er­ally, though it prob­a­bly needs to be long enough for him to be seri­ous about want­ing to orgasm, and then a lit­tle longer on top. Oth­er­wise, what’s the point in doing it?

How long this is varies from man to man. Some claim they are climb­ing the walls within a week; oth­ers take a month or more.

On the whole, the younger a man is, the faster he’s going to start going “stir crazy”.

Male Chastity FAQ 11. I’m thinking of buying such-and-such a device. When should I give my wife the keys?

I don’t know.

Please get into your head this is all just a game. I know there’s a cer­tain thrill in giv­ing the keys to her (and there’s a sim­i­lar thrill in receiv­ing them, too), but it’s not like hack­ing off a limb or pok­ing out an eyeball.

You can ask for the keys back if it’s really not work­ing for you or you have to get out for some rea­son – acci­dent, emer­gency, pain, or whatever.

In any case, unless you’ve been really stu­pid and gone into this with­out think­ing it through, you’ll have estab­lished some ground-rules, and one of them will undoubt­edly include some kind of “safe word”. And you need to get used to the device, too. All this takes time and patience.

I cover this more fully in the free male chastity guide.

Male Chastity FAQ 12. Do you offer a chastity keyholding service?

Not yet.

Male Chastity FAQ 13. Do you offer online training?

No.

Male Chastity FAQ 14. Can we chat on IM, MSN, Skype or something?

No.

Male Chastitiy FAQ 15. Do you cuckold John?

No. We are monog­a­mous and are stay­ing that way.

Male Chastity FAQ 16. Yeah, but would John like to watch me fucking you?

Actu­ally, he prob­a­bly would.

But since I get a say in this, too, it’s not going to happen.

Male Chastity FAQ 17. So he’d like to be humiliated then but you’re not into it?

No, that’s not what I said. Watch­ing me with another man would be erotic for him, not humiliating.

But since I get a say in this, too, it’s not going to happen.

Please, go away now.

Male Chastity FAQ 18. Would you like to share strategies, tips, techniques and experiences with me?

No.

Any­thing I’m pre­pared to share, I share on the Blog or in the var­i­ous Guides I’ve writ­ten and am writ­ing, and in the Newslet­ter (In fact, in the Newslet­ter I fre­quently give very detailed and explicit accounts of tease and denial ses­sions and so on. Join the Newslet­ter if this kind of thing inter­ests you)

I don’t ever get into dis­cussing these things by one-to-one correspondence.

Apart from any­thing else, I don’t know who you are and peo­ple seem to be get­ting creepier by the day (see this recent post about a com­plete bas­ket case, and the com­ments). Really — I get emails all the time from men pre­tend­ing to be women, ask­ing me for tips on how to tease their men.

Male Chastity FAQ 19. What kind of punishment/reward system do you use?

I don’t. We don’t prac­tice male submission/female domination.

I don’t use sex or orgasms as cur­rency. I find that tends to cause more prob­lems than it solves in a relationship.

If it works for you, then fine.

Male Chastity FAQ 20. What device does John wear?

male chastity faq — lori device

He is cur­rently in a Lori #2. He wears is more or less 24/7.

You can see it in the pic­ture on the right.

He’s a keen cyclist and fit­ness nut, but the Lori doesn’t get in the way of wear­ing it.

Male Chastitiy FAQ 21. How long do you deny John for?

At the moment he’s on a year’s orgasm denial. We began on New Year’s Eve 2010 and he won’t be hav­ing another orgasm until New Year’s Day 2012.

When he is allowed out to orgasm, we have what we call “chastity hon­ey­moons” where John gets to orgasm as often as he likes for two or three days before being denied again.

Oth­er­wise I keep my hus­band in chastity — very, very strict and uncom­pro­mis­ing male chastity and orgasm denial. It’s how we both like it.

Male Chastity FAQ 22. Are you a Domme and do you make John...?

No. Our male chastity is con­fined to just that: my con­sen­sual con­trol of John’s orgasms. That’s it.

He’s not my maid, slave or sissy. He’s my husband.

We’re not even in a female-led rela­tion­ship (if any­thing, it’s the reverse).

If you have trou­ble under­stand­ing or accept­ing this, then please read the entire Blog, the free guide and all the Newslet­ters at least twice. I’ve been over it so many times I’m not going to do it again.

Male Chastity FAQ 23. How do you punish John when he...?

I don’t.

See the ques­tion above.

Male Chastity FAQ 24. Will you write some posts on how John pleases you and all that dirty stuff?

Yes. No. Probably.

I don’t know.

I don’t have a par­tic­u­larly strong objec­tion to it, but some­thing doesn’t really sit quite right with me about it. Per­haps I’m old fashioned.

But more than that, this blog is about male chastity, not sex per se. I imag­ine every­one read­ing it has prob­a­bly had sex at some point, or at least knows how to go about it.

What’s more, you can get that kind of stuff any­where and almost every­where, and I really want to keep this Blog unique and rather more cere­bral… and talk­ing about male chastity.

I might put the odd post in from time to time; or per­haps I’ll write it as fic­tion, weave our real-life bed­room gym­nas­tics into a story.

Hav­ing said that, and much to my sur­prise, I’ve dis­cov­ered many men and women gen­uinely don’t know how to please each other if inter­course is denied them. I get a lot of mes­sages ask­ing me for per­sonal advice. Sadly, since I can’t tell who’s gen­uine and who’s just in it for the tit­il­la­tion, I don’t get into that by email.

I am in the mid­dle of writ­ing a “sex guide” for gen­uinely inter­ested peo­ple, as well as a full and com­pre­hen­sive Male Chastity Guide. Both will com­ple­ment the free male chastity guide. I sug­gest you elect to receive the free guide and my newslet­ter, because that’s the eas­i­est and most reli­able way for me to keep you updated on progress.

Update: I’ve now started post­ing detailed accounts of my tease and denial ses­sions with John in the Newslet­ter.

Male Chastity FAQ 25. When are you going to post pictures of John?

When and if he says I can.

Please under­stand, this to us is a sexy game we play out over a period of time. It’s not a D&S lifestyle thing where I tell John what to do and mico-manage his very existence.

And it’s not like those silly duets you find where God­dess Low­selfes­teem makes Sis­sy­fart­pants post his indig­ni­ties, or gives him/her/it “per­mis­sion” to use the computer.

We live a nor­mal life. We run our busi­ness, we have work to do, fam­ily to feed, yadda yadda yadda. John just hap­pens to wear a chastity device most of the time because it spices up a very spe­cial part of our lives together.

Male Chastity FAQ 26. Do you want to see some pictures of me?

No.

Male Chastity FAQ 27. When is John going to post his experiences?

When he decides to.

Q 28.Are you a man pretending to be a woman? Or maybe you’re really ugly and fat? Is John a Martian? I’ve never seen you in the same room as Barak Obama! Is that why you don’t post pictures of yourself and of John? When did you stop beating your husband?

Sigh… last time I checked I was a woman. Ugly would depend on your opin­ion. John may well be from Mars, but if he is, he’s still the most won­der­ful man I have ever met.

A very few peo­ple who read and com­ment on the Blog know my true iden­tity. They have become friends.

Sarah is my real name, although my last name is a pseu­do­nym. Any­thing else you want to know about me you can find on the “Who is Sarah?” page, or you can sim­ply ask. I don’t promise I’ll tell you what you want to know, but you can ask.

Peo­ple who ask these kinds of ques­tions are gen­er­ally seek­ing to dis­credit me, per­son­ally, in some way rather than dis­credit my argu­ments and points, espe­cially those about dom­i­na­tion, female-superiority and other con­tentious sub­jects beloved of the Chastity Taliban.

If I was going to make some­thing up, it would make far more sense to write porn and tit­il­lat­ing stuff, would it not? What would be the point in writ­ing a dry and hype-free Blog?

I find it all really quite tire­some; and if it’s really both­er­ing you, go and read another Blog or Forum, or get a hobby or something.

Male Chastity FAQ 29. Do You Write Male Chastity Stories?

Yes.

I include true ones in my weekly newslet­ter, and also in my new book, Be Care­ful What You Wish For.

I am also in the process of writ­ing some fic­tional chastity sto­ries based on the “Hell’s Gate” theme. Read the newslet­ter for details.

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