One common phrase we use when we discuss the male chastity lifestyle is “be careful what you wish for”. In fact, it’s the tagline not only of this blog but also the forum over at chastity mansion. I think even Spock referred to it once, somewhat obliquely when he said in his inimitable way, “Ston, she is yours. You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. This is not logical, but it is often true”.
And indeed it is, indeed it is. In fact, and this might seem somewhat tangential but it’s not, research has shown over and over again our “happiness level” isn’t actually increased by “having” things at all – we generally feel slightly buoyed up for a while and then generally slip back to where we were. I’ll come back to this below.
One of life’s apparent mysteries is we want what we can’t have, but in terms of evolution perhaps it’s not such a mystery at all. At some point in our past meeting our basic needs, shelter, food, a mate, etc. was fundamental to our survival as individuals.
Nowadays that’s less a matter of life and death for most of us, but our poor old ape-brains sitting on that limbic system inside us can’t differentiate between wants and needs.
Now, I always thought it was self-evident what it means as an observation on life in general and a warning for any man bent on the male chastity lifestyle in particular. In effect it’s warning against exactly that which Spock was talking about, and something those of us embracing the male chastity lifestyle talk about frequently: the fantasy is not the same as the reality.
The (usually male) fantasy is he’s locked up from day one in an inescapable belt that rarely comes off because his wife has hidden the key, and at the same time she’s turned into some sex-crazed nympho fuck-vixen who can’t get enough of his tongue, fingers and strap on.
But the reality is always more mundane.
First, it always takes time to get used to any device. And some you simply can’t get used to – as with John and the Lori #12D.
Secondly, real life is not a soap-opera. With vanishingly rare exception your woman doesn’t turn into a sex-crazed nympho fuck-vixen just because your ardour and libido have increased back to the same kind of levels they were at when you first met.
You are not spending your entire lives in bed or engaging in wild sex, however you choose to engage in that while embracing the male chastity lifestyle. You have jobs to go to, errands to run, kids to look after… you still get headaches, tired, colds and have good days and bad days, just as you do now.
Yes, your sex-life might improve and become more regular and frequent, and you might find your entire relationship improving and growing – all these things are certainly true for me and John.
But like an iceberg, most of your life is under the surface, hidden from view. And while you might say the endless posts on forums and blogs contradict what I’m saying, remember they’re not only self-selecting for the people most deeply embracing the male chastity lifestyle, but they’re also writing specifically about that aspect of their lives and you’ll find 80% of the posts come from just 20% of the posters.
What this all means is, for a man, being locked up is not all one long orgy of sex and orgasm denial. It’s actually very long periods of just being locked up and going about your daily life with a dripping dick (which is by all accounts very pleasurable), punctuated by frustrating but ultimately very rewarding and satisfying bouts of lovemaking.
Where the warning comes in, partly, is it’s important to realise you don’t get any control over this, not if you’re sticking to the rules of the game you’re playing.
If you’re expecting sex every night, you can probably pretty much forget it. If you’re embracing the male chastity lifestyle you don’t really get a say.
What’s more, you don’t usually get a say about when or even if you’re going to orgasm. When you’re scheming, planning and plotting how to get your wife or lover involved in all this, you’re focusing on the high-points.
It’s great wank-fodder to fantasise about all that frustration and denial, isn’t it?
The only problem is your wank ends up with an orgasm; when you’re locked, you don’t get one and often for a long, long time.
I think the mistake most men make, and probably women, too, is the whole male chastity lifestyle tends to be male-led. After a while, if you’re both lucky, the woman gets wind of this and changes it around.
And that is when the whole thing takes on a new direction and elevates things to an entirely new and different plane of existence. Unlike your wank-fantasies where you’d orgasm every time you played the fantasy out in your head, you’re going to end up not orgasming far more often than you do.
Think you can handle that? From what John says and from what other men say, it’s tougher than you think.
Finally, I mentioned up top how our “happiness levels” tend to slip back to where they were surprisingly quickly after getting that which we desire so much and tell ourselves is going to “make us happy”.
Well, the male chastity lifestyle is no different.
Even if your wife or lover does turn into that sex-crazed nympho fuck-vixen, your happiness levels are going to sink back to where they were before simply because anything repeated often enough becomes old-hat and no longer stimulating – this is why so many of us push so many boundaries and limits.
I’m sure there are exceptions, but that’s what they are: exceptions. And like any exception, the chances are overwhelmingly against you being one of them.
Bluntly, the chances are she’s not going to become that sex-crazed nympho fuck-vixen… and that leaves you where you were before you begged and pleaded with her to make your life complete by embracing the male chastity lifestyle… only now you’re frustrated, horny, unable to wank and, as Spock warned you… “you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting”.
Back to top of The Male Chastity Lifestyle (Be Careful What You Wish For)