Male Chastity, Masturbation and the Single Man

by Sarah on June 10, 2010

With male chastity, masturbation and a predilection for looking at porn are often cited as two of the reasons for couples getting into the lifestyle. The idea is a locked man has eyes only for his wife or girlfriend and has no choice but to keep his hands off himself and use them solely on her.

So far so good. There’s some truth in the second of these, but I’ve found it actually increases a man’s interest in porn, sex, and women in general. But, hey, let’s not let the facts get in the way of a good fantasy.

But it’s not all about relationships and marriage. I get a substantial number of messages from young and single men who for one reason or another want to curb what they see as an excessive masturbation and pornography-viewing habit. What’s more, the same thing crops up on the Forums quite frequently, so it’s reasonable to conclude it’s something concerning a lot of young men.

Now, if you’re wearing a belt or some other device to “enforce” male chastity, masturbation is theoretically impossible (I say “theoretically” because John was quite able to masturbate with no difficulty in his CB3000. I’d love to see him try that right now, locked in his Tollyboy as he is).

Anyway, I thought it about time I posted about this, and the message below from A. is the perfect opportunity.

I am single, virgin man, I never had girlfriend or sex. I am very happy in this state, and I want to keep my virginity for a future wife and marriage.

My problem is masturbation and internet-porn.

Can a chastity device help me to overcome these habits for long-term ? If yes, which chastity belt is the best for wearing long-term?”

First, let’s be clear about something: what we’re talking about here is not male chastity. Masturbation prevention and being a single man means it’s really male celibacy, at least according to the definitions I consistently use in my writing. But just for this post, I’ll now use them synonymously.

So, let’s take the first question: “Can a chastity device help me to overcome these habits for long-term ?

The glib answer is “I don’t know”. Not only do I not know you, the man, as an individual, but I do know male sexuality is a very powerful driving force, and not something to be easily denied.

To start off with, I don’t know your reasons for wanting to stop masturbating. Often these things are religious and while I support your right to believe anything you like, I personally find it all a bit backward, medieval and, frankly, a bit mystifying.

So to then extend this to believing in “purity” and the rest of it is way beyond me. I can’t imagine for a second how you can connect male chastity, masturbation and even viewing porn with your future wife. I’m not having a go at you, and I’ll come back to this further down. It’s important .

But, that aside, telling a man of 25 not to masturbate is a bit like telling a starving man not to stuff his face at the banquet.

No matter what kind of device you lock yourself away in, your urges are going to remain. If anything, they’ll get even stronger, because an itch unscratched just itches more (and an itch you can’t scratch is far, far worse).

Simply put, you’ll want what you can’t have. We humans always do. On top of that, it’s possible the idea of being locked up is exciting in and of itself, meaning stimulation over and above that caused by the lack of relief.

Now, if you have a device to keep you in male chastity masturbation might be impossible . But unless you have the key kept out of your reach, the chances are excellent you’ll just unlock yourself for a crafty wank; or, if you can resist that, there will be those times when you have to take it off for cleaning, inspection, perhaps travelling or whatever.

Can you resist temptation then?

In short, you’ll need a keyholder (of some sort) and perhaps supervision to “enforce” your male chastity masturbation prevention and ensure you retain your “purity”.

I see no easy way of stopping you from looking at porn (and why would you want to?).

Now, your second question: “If yes, which chastity belt is the best for wearing long-term?

Again, I don’t know because it’s not that straightforward or black and white. Some men find even a simple and relatively cheap device like the CB3000 perfectly adequate for long term and effective wear; some, including John, don’t.

Some men find one of the many Lori devices wonderful; some, including John, don’t.

So you’ll need to try some out and see how you get on. It’s probably best to start cheaper (like with the CB3000) and take it from there. I have a feeling the Latowski is probably the crème de la crème of chastity belts, but you’ll pay a lot for one and I, personally, think they look hideous. You’ll also still have the problem of needing to have a keyholder.

Now, I want to take a step back.

There are generally three ways of dealing with things you don’t like about yourself:

  1. Change yourself to behave differently.
  2. Accept it in yourself.
  3. Avoid situations where it occurs.

A lot of people have made a lot of money telling people the first option is the “right” way to do it. I disagree. Permanent personal change is harder for most people in most things most of the time than these “gurus” would like you to know. And rarely do people stop and think about it long enough to do a cost/benefit analysis.

With male chastity masturbation might become a thing of the past, but is it really worth it? is it worth all the pain, struggle, expense and (in my mind) inevitable lapses and consequent (and pointless) bouts of guilt just to live up to some ideal (which, if your reasons are religious has been decided and handed down to you by someone else).

The third option is probably impossible. Unless you chemically castrate yourself, I seriously doubt you’re ever going to be able to avoid your own sexual desire. It’s inside you, it’s part of your raison d’être,and it’ll grow and grow and grow until it consumes your every waking moment (and probably a fair proportion of your sleeping ones, too).

Your life is your own, A, and you make your own choices. But to me it seems the second option is the sanest and most sensible of them all.

If you were excited about male chastity masturbation prevention because of the kink, then a device would perhaps be a lot of fun.

But if you’re battling yourself and torturing yourself because you think you’re somehow bad or “immoral” for masturbating, then I think you’d be better off examining what leads you to believe that and maybe accept you are, just like everyone else in the world, just a fallible human.

Previous post:

Next post: