OK, ok, so you want to know why I meted out male chastity pun­ish­ment to John. I’ve had about a dozen mes­sages about it, plus a cou­ple of peo­ple ask­ing in their comments.

The answer is fairly mun­dane, but some­what amus­ing and ironic.

But before I get to that, I want to explore the entire sub­ject fur­ther, because it seems to be caus­ing some con­fu­sion and indeed con­ster­na­tion, espe­cially when it comes to my claim not to be a Domme or John’s Mistress.

On one level it really does come down to seman­tics, and I don’t really see the point in get­ting into that because ulti­mately it comes down to sub­jec­tive opin­ion, at which point the only thing you can do is shrug and let peo­ple get on with it.

Pun­ish­ment is pred­i­cated on author­ity, and in the con­text of male chastity pun­ish­ment is nec­es­sar­ily con­sen­sual. So if it’s con­sen­sual, it can’t be pun­ish­ment in the lit­eral sense of the word. But it’s handy to call it that because it’s sim­ply a handy label. More to the point, within the rules of the game, then some things you can do really are punishment.

I mean, when your man is beg­ging for you to let him orgasm and you say, “no!” and lock him back up again leav­ing him frus­trated, is that pun­ish­ment? Because in one respect, that’s what he wants since that’s the game you’re play­ing; but in another, it’s not because when he’s beg­ging to come, he really, really means it (I’ve writ­ten more about this in the free male chastity guide).

So it’s fair to say that within the rules of the game it’s male chastity pun­ish­ment, but in the wider con­text of your lives together it’s not, because that’s what you’ve both agreed on.

The same would be true of, say, can­ing, which is some­thing John is will­ing to try (prob­a­bly keen if not actu­ally eager if truth be told). There’s no doubt it’d hurt, and I know the point is you don’t stop just because your man is beg­ging you to. I’ve got mixed feel­ings about it, since I can’t see the point in doing it unless you do it seri­ously, and that’s not really a part of myself I want to start pok­ing with a stick at the moment because I might not like what comes spit­ting and snarling out of the dark recesses of my psyche.

To my way of think­ing, if you’re going to cane someone’s arse as male chastity pun­ish­ment, then it doesn’t start until he’s at the limit of what he can stand. Then you take him firmly and lov­ingly beyond it. So, maybe for the future, I don’t know.

The ruined orgasm is per­fect, though, since it pretty much spoils every­thing for him with­out actu­ally ruin­ing the game as a whole (and I strongly rec­om­mend you read the fab­u­lous com­ments added by Robert, Pet and others – they know far more about it than I do, obviously).

And it works so well because you’re still play­ing within the rules of the game.

Another male chastity pun­ish­ment is sim­ply to let him orgasm every time you have any kind of sex­ual con­tact, deny him denial, if you like, even if you keep him locked up. On the face of it, this seems like capit­u­la­tion because he’s going to be happy about it.

But he won’t be happy for long because he’s not get­ting the long-term ben­e­fits and thrills he wants; and he can’t com­plain you’re not play­ing the game, because you are: orgasm con­trol means just that and while you might not be enter­ing into the spirit of the game, you’re stick­ing to the let­ter. That’s pretty soon going to piss him off.

Finally, we have the ulti­mate sanc­tion: give him his keys back and refuse to play the game at all. This isn’t some­thing I’ve ever threat­ened, sim­ply because I’ve never had to, but I know women who have.

As male chastity pun­ish­ment goes, this is out­side the rules of the game, because you’re end­ing the game itself, or at least telling him if his unac­cept­able behav­iour con­tin­ues that’s what’s going to happen.

On the face of it, this seems like sour grapes per­haps, but I can eas­ily see how this is the only sen­si­ble answer to a man who insists on top­ping from the bot­tom when he’s given you explicit and total control.

As an aside, to answer obliquely a com­mon ques­tion, which is in effect “how long should I lock him up the first time?”, I’ve come round to the way of think­ing if your man wants to play this game and is adamant he wants you to have con­trol and for you to have it in the long-term, you’re per­haps wise to ask him to prove his com­mit­ment by agree­ing to a very long period of denial, say six months to a year.

You’re unlikely to be able to do this imme­di­ately, but you can make it plain that’s the goal, and draw up a plan to achieve it as quickly as pos­si­ble. At the moment, John and I are look­ing at a full year once his Tolly­boy belt arrives (don’t get me started!).

Such a long period is not male chastity pun­ish­ment per se; rather it’s a sim­ple way to make your life eas­ier in the long run. It’s not about dom­i­na­tion, either: you’re sim­ply being assertive and say­ing, “If you want me to play the game, these are the rules I’m pre­pared to play by”. He’s then free to agree or dis­agree. It’s also a good idea to detail what male chastity pun­ish­ment you’ll dish out if he breaks the rules.

The won­der­ful thing is (and you men will hate me for reveal­ing this about you ), cer­tainly in the begin­ning, your man almost cer­tainly wants this more than you do. That may well change as you begin to reap the ben­e­fits and expe­ri­ence the plea­sure, but your man has been think­ing, dream­ing, and fan­ta­sis­ing about this for a long time in one way or another .

It’s not too far wide of the mark to say he’s prob­a­bly obsessed and des­per­ate for it. He might back off and ago­nise and keep being drawn to it like a moth to a can­dle flame, but he will not be able to resist, ulti­mately. So stick to your guns: “a year or noth­ing. Take it like a man.”

In gen­eral, I tend to think if you need to pun­ish, something’s gone wrong some­where, and male chastity pun­ish­ment is no dif­fer­ent. I’m talk­ing about what you might call real pun­ish­ment here, like refus­ing to play the game, ruined orgasm or some­thing like that (unless you just do it for fun, which can also be… fun…). I’d class orgasm denial and even severe can­ing to be less pun­ish­ment and more part of the game itself. You mileage may vary – seman­tics again, I suppose.

And this is why I rec­om­mend you set the ground rules right upfront – it goes a long way to avoid­ing this kind of prob­lem and the need for male chastity pun­ish­ment entirely.

P.S. And at last, why I treated John to his ruined orgasm. It was early on in our exper­i­men­ta­tion and he was annoy­ing me by call­ing me “Mis­tress” when I’d told him not to. What made it even more annoy­ing was he didn’t do it for any other rea­son than he wanted to annoy me: we’d estab­lished at that point we weren’t get­ting into a D&S relationship.

And it got to the point when I was about to make him come and he used that fuck­ing word again… so I just stopped what I was doing, slipped him out of me and just strad­dled him with­out com­ment, giv­ing him one of those looks.

Unfor­tu­nately for him it was right at the point of no return and since I had his arms pinned above his head, he wasn’t eas­ily able to touch him­self and avoid the ruined orgasm. He did try to enter me again but I just raised myself out of reach, treat­ing him to a wicked smile. I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of male chastity pun­ish­ment he was suf­fer­ing at the time, but I knew he was suf­fer­ing, and that was good enough for me.

I con­fess, writ­ing about it has me wickedly horny again.

Oh, the temp­ta­tion… just because I can…

Tagged as: chastity blog, enforced male chastity, forced male chastity, Male Chastity, Male Chastity Lifestyle, male chastity marriage, male chastity punishment, male orgasm denial, Permanent Male Chastity, tollyboy belt

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