I received a thought provoking question yesterday on male chastity punishment, from a lady who goes by the name of Miriam, who wanted to know how I view the idea of “punishment” in the lifestyle.
At first I almost dismissed it as another one of those “you must be a domme or you’re not doing it right” emails, but something caught my attention and made me read it again, paying closer attention.
The question was, in effect, do I “punish” John in any way, and, if so, how do I do it? She then went on to surmise, quite correctly, that she felt she was in a situation where she couldn’t win with her husband: if she sentences him to a longer spell of denial , he’s getting more of what he wants; and if she lets him orgasm, a “punishment” in that he’s not getting denial, she’s also giving him what he wants (because when they want to come, they want to come, even though they crave denial).
In addition, like me, she’s not keen on the idea of subjecting her man to corporal punishment (I actually have mixed views on that. One thing stopping me is I don’t want to cause John real pain; and another is the fear I might like it too much and he might truly get more than he bargained for).
But, back to male chastity punishment.
It’s an interesting question, because I know from experience men will push and push and push for a reaction, and, as I said they can’t lose. And I, personally, don’t like people trying to manipulate me. This is probably the most nefarious form of topping from the bottom and is, to my mind, akin to passive-aggressiveness.
Fortunately there is an answer to this seeming conundrum, and it’s one I discovered sort of by accident in the very early days of our experimenting with the lifestyle.
I haven’t had to do it for a while, simply because it really is a male chastity punishment that actually works (at least, that’s what I’ve found).
So, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present… the… ruined orgasm.
I’d read about it, of course, but hadn’t really taken on board how frustrating and unfulfilling it was for a man.
In principle and practice it’s very simple: you make your man orgasm (the more slowly the better) and then, at the instant he starts to come… you just stop and let it peter out without any further stimulation.
So if you’re making love, you stop and take him out of you; if you’re sucking his dick, you just take it out of your mouth; and if you’re using your hand, you just let go.
To understand why this is so frustrating and a genuine male chastity punishment we need to understand a little about a man’s orgasm. With us girls it’s something that builds and builds in peaks and troughs, but always following an upward gradient until we reach a glorious plateau of ecstasy upon which we are quite capable and willing to remain for just as long as you fellows can keep your tongue, fingers and Mars Bars working.
But for men it’s very different: one relatively short spasm of pleasure, and that’s it (until he’s recovered enough for the next one). And that spasm of pleasure comes not at the point the orgasm begins, but during the pulsing and spasming for the duration of the orgasm. And that’s all dependent upon continued stimulation (although there does come that point where his penis becomes too sensitive and he gets all twitchy, but that’s another thing entirely).
So, how does a ruined orgasm constitute male chastity punishment? Well, to be brief: he gets an orgasm, of sorts, but he doesn’t enjoy it much because the really pleasurable bit is missing… and unlike when you take him to the edge and stop, he doesn’t get the exquisite and torturous pleasure of denial, either (men will tell you after you let them orgasm, there’s a sense of let-down and even mild depression – they get it with a ruined orgasm, too, but without the memory of the pleasure as compensation).
Now, a reasonable question is if I’m not a “domme”, why do I talk of male chastity punishment since “punishment” implies some kind of authority.
A fair point, and the answer is simply semantics. It’s shorter and snappier than saying “my response to behaviour I don’t like”. I mean it’s not punishment, really, since we’re in a relationship of equals, and all that.
It’s just a way of letting him know I can do things to piss him off if he does things to piss me off, yes? And it’s not something I’ve felt the need to do for a long time (if you want to know why I did it, just ask ;-)).
And, of course, if you are a domme, you probably don’ need me to tell you how to mete out male chastity punishment, do you?
Which reminds me, I do need to post about last Weekend’s Honeymoon, cuz it’s filthy, fun and very revealing.