Male Chastity Really DOES Work

by Sarah on September 18, 2010

I love male chastity.

No, really.

I, through John’s tender ministrations am a massive fan of the 80/20 rule. If you haven’t read about it before, it’s worth Googling – and it’s worth reading Richard Koch’s seminal work on it, too. It impacts every aspect of our lives and the almost creepy thing is we can’t escape the numbers.

In terms of relationships, the Rule would say something like “80% of your happiness together is going to come from around 20% of the things you do to make it work”.

The numbers aren’t always exactly 80/20, but the point is there’s always a massive imbalance between cause and effect – meaning a small number of causes is always responsible for a large number of effects.

It’s so pervasive in life that John actually uses this as one of the first things he does in helping grow his clients’ businesses – he’ll make them sit down and find the 20% of products, services, customer and clients responsible for 80% of their profits and recommend they think seriously about ditching the rest.

And I think male chastity is for many, many couples one of the “vital few” things that makes a disproportionately big difference in their lives together. It shouldn’t be a surprise to us because sex is probably the most powerful drive we have, so anything which elevates that to a new plane our lives and keeps it there is bound to have some dramatic effects all round. And there’s no denying male chastity is pretty simple in concept even if it’s not always easy for either of you.

I had an email today from someone I’ve mentioned before on the Male Chastity Blog.

I’ll save some of the more specific comments he made for the Newsletter next week, perhaps, but I really wanted to get over the point he illustrates perfectly: how male chastity can  completely change the emotional minefield many couples feel laid down around sex and make not just the sex better but also help remove all the baggage surrounding it.

In most relationships, even when they start out with a whizz and a bang, sex trails off. And at some point there is (perhaps inevitably?) a point where a simple “No, I’m tired” is taken personally, usually by the man.

At that point, there’s a real danger of the whole subject of sex turning into a Mexican standoff. It’s silly to the point of being laughable when you look at it rationally, but that’s the point: we almost never do look at it rationally and we get wrapped up in our feelings.

And very quickly and almost universally it gets to the point where the man can’t show physical affection for his wife without it being taken as a sexual advance – she feels obligated to respond sexually and he’s tiptoeing around on eggshells trying as hard as he can to make it absolutely non-sexual or pressurising (this is, incidentally, why I think using sex as a currency in the relationship is a bad idea no matter how light-heartedly you take it at first).

It’s that fucking great big elephant in the room, isn’t it?

I’ve been there myself, with my ex. And thinking back over the years to all my girl-friends who’ve rolled their eyes about their men… “… asks me if I want a back rub… and we all know what he really wants, don’t we?”.

Male Chastity Changes All of That

And it can change it dramatically at one stroke and quite literally overnight.

Because while a woman always does have the right to say “no”, in practice she’ll often feel obligated to return the favour with a “sympathy fuck” neither of you enjoys and both of you know wasn’t really wanted. In the words of one of my old friends, “It’s just easier to do it and avoid a row, sometimes”.

Wow. What a marvellous foundation for the intimacy of making love.

But with male chastity this obligation is removed – and no matter what overtures her man makes, she has been given explicitly the right to say “no”, even if hitherto she’d have felt “selfish”.

Rather than being “tit for tat” as this unspoken obligation has felt in the past, male chastity makes it more a case of “you do what you like, but I don’t want to make love tonight”. And because you’ve now got male chastity and ground rules working on your side, it makes everything a lot easier (paradoxically, it makes things even hotter!).

I can’t overstate how important male chastity can be in improving your entire relationship.

Wanting more and better sex isn’t shallow, although some people see it that way.

Why?

Perhaps because one way to avoid confronting a difficult and uncomfortable problem is to pretend it’s not there; and a common way to do that is to pour scorn and derision on it.

And, of course, you can still fuck it up, because if you’re a woman who’s just using male chastity as an excuse to avoid sex, then in time it’s going to blow up in your face.

Make no mistake, even though “Sarah Decides” is the rule we have in our version of male chastity, I’m still bound by the rules of what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable – if I decided to lock and leave John and he got nothing for a year, I’d expect him to be mightily pissed off about it (and he’d be entitled to be). Taking the other extreme, if you’re a woman keeping your man in male chastity but you make him come once a day, then you’re missing the point (and missing out on most of the benefits).

Like I say…

You Both Have a Big Responsibility to the Other to Make Male Chastity Work.

Finally, he says this:

Sarah, after several years of trying to persuade my spouse to enjoy a lifestyle of male chastity with me, we are now living it under the security of lock and key.  While she is not yet as gleefully enthusiastic about it as you are, but she is embracing it more and more, week by week.  Your book has helped tremendously.  Thanks for keeping the dream alive!”

Well, Amen.

It’s lovely to get messages of people’s successes with male chastity and makes putting up with the shit and  idiots worth it in the long run.

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