I have to say, just expecting the Tollyboy belt next week has raised male chastity to a whole different pitch.
And it’s not just the idea that the Tollyboy is going to be far more secure or more symbolic (for want of a better word) than anything we’ve had before because we reasonably expected the Lori #12D to be suitable for long term 24/7 wear. When John got his PA and we ordered the Lori, we had every expectation it would enable me to keep him locked pretty much full time for 3 or 4 months at a stretch.
We have similar hopes for the Tollyboy but this time perhaps more realistic or resigned expectations.
I’m not casting any aspersions on Tollyboy at all, and have no reason to expect it not to be just what we’re looking for, but now we’re more experienced in playing with devices we’re painfully aware of just how much effort male chastity can take.
So we hope the Tollyboy belt will be different, but we are prepared to manage our expectations.
This morning I’m calmer than yesterday and for reasons we women never really understand, my mood had settled far more quickly than usual for this time of the month. Perhaps the excitement and errr… shenanigans… of the last couple of nights have something to do with it.
Whatever the reason, it’s good because it means I can think about things much more rationally now. I don’t like being emotional like that and knowing my reason and judgement are clouded. But I’m grateful for the fact I can recognise this in myself and even if I can’t avoid the feelings, I can avoid making decisions while they’re running rampant. John helps, too, because he never reacts emotionally to my moods, which means we never fight, especially about stupid stuff.
John and I lay there for a long time last night afterwards talking about everything in general, and the Tollyboy belt in particular.
As I said, the whole concept of locked and permanent male chastity seems a little different with the Tollyboy, and that could be for many reasons. Not only is the Tollyboy more symbolic because it’s, well, just more, you know… but also my writing this Blog and the Guide and spending a lot more time thinking about the Tollyboy, male chastity and immersing myself in it means it’s grown to figure very prominently in my thoughts.
It’s all in proportion and I have no illusions the Tollyboy belt is going to mean a sudden major lifestyle shift, because human nature dictates things will more or less regress to the mean. It’s the same when you hanker for a new car or the latest mobile phone or that amazing little black dress you’re sure is going to change your entire life.
But, having said that, the twists and turns our conversation about the Tollyboy and the wider context of male chastity took last night were illuminating and instructive, not to say fucking scorching hot and decidedly filthy at times.
Permanent orgasm denial is almost certainly not going to happen, Tollyboy or no. John would accept my decision whatever flavour of male chastity I choose for him, but permanent orgasm denial not what I want.
I can’t see the point in denying myself the pleasure of giving John mind-blowing orgasms in our “honeymoon weekends” from now until the end of eternity. Plus, of course, I like a man coming inside me. That alone seals it (cuckolding is out of the question and the Tollyboy is not going to change that).
Yet, there’s no doubt I’m definitely leaning towards the stricter, less compromising lifestyle the Tollyboy belt will allow.
I’m thinking perhaps seeing how long I, myself, can go without a “honeymoon weekend”. If I know I can have one any time, then perhaps the need to have one will be less.
Again, human nature means we want what we can’t have. That’s why rigid dieting, where every cookie means “total failure” rather than just a perfectly reasonable gustatory treat, is doomed to failure.
So maybe I’ll set myself a goal: see if I can do without a “honeymoon weekend” for, say, six months rather than three or four. And then when I reach that goal, see how it feels to think about waiting a little longer.
Ultimately, at some point, I do want John to go an entire year without an orgasm in his Tollyboy, to experience ultra-strict male chastity, locked in his Tollyboy belt for as much of that time as possible. We even talked about his not being allowed to enter me in all that time, perhaps not even allowed out to play. The latter, I’m not sure of, but the former sends shivers down my spine.
I want to see what it’s like for him. He wants to experience that, too. He wants his denial and time in the Tollyboy to mean something, to be something worthy we achieve working together, rather than something imposed upon him.
As I write in the Mini Guide, male chastity is a process, not an event, and something you do with someone, not to them.
Candidly, all options are open to us at the moment – and I hope that wonderful Tollyboy belt turns out to be the key to it all.