Male Chastity Training and Education

by Sarah on June 2, 2010

There seems to be some confusion between male chastity training and education – I’ve had a few questions about it since I updated the “rules” for contacting me the other day.

Specifically, I say:

This Blog is about male chastity edu­ca­tion, not your train­ing or titillation”

And one or two people don’t understand the difference between the two.

So let me explain.

The point of this Blog is to educate men and women about the lifestyle and orgasm denial and all that good stuff we enjoy arguing about. That education is partly pedagogical, in the sense I know more than most of the people brand new to the game, but it’s also exploratory because there’s a lot of discussion, debate and sharing of experience going on all the time, both in the comments I get and in the private messages going back and forth.

Plus, my own empirical knowledge is always expanding as John and I follow this wonderful journey together (and as I’ve written before, writing about it like this adds an incredibly rich and unexpected dimension and flavour to the whole lifestyle).

But male chastity training would be an entirely different prospect.

For a start, training would involve a much more personal and hands-on approach to the whole thing, something I’m simply not set up to do, even if I had the time and the inclination. It’s also something I’d charge for because it’d be basically a coaching arrangement – and coaching is not easy. I have to admire those women who do make money with their “online male chastity training” setups and whatnot – what a marvellous way to earn a living. Imagine it… you write the emails once and get paid for sending them out over and over again to different people. But I digress…

As an educator, my job is to present information and get people to think about it and find their way through it. Sometimes I can be of help in pointing out potential traps, pitfalls and dead-ends, but as often as not my answer ends with the caveat, “you’ll just have to try it and see what works best for you”.

Perhaps a useful and appropriate metaphor would be to consider the difference between sex education and sex training. Most parents are probably quite keen on the first, and would prefer not to think about the second.

Aside from that, I have another view on male chastity training which almost certainly isn’t going to be the conventional one (no surprises there).

The traditional view is it, like the lifestyle itself, is something to be done to a man rather than done with him. The traditional view has the woman making the rules and devising ways to make her man obey them. It’s probably more explicit in the more-BDSM flavoured relationships, but the idea also seems to attach itself to any form of chastity lifestyle, too.

To me, it seems the reality is probably very different, and jolly well should be, too.

Why?

Well, unless the woman already has considerable experience with the lifestyle, she’s simply not qualified to train her man in it.

More often than not she’s actually bewildered, nervous, completely clueless and more than a little afraid of what this hot potato he’s dropped in her hands actually means. To expect her suddenly to become the driving force and font of all knowledge is ludicrous.

I’d go further and say a professional Domme is also unqualified to engage in male chastity training unless she actually lives or has lived the lifestyle with someone as opposed to just dabbling in paid-for sessions. She might become an expert at teasing and denial, but as we know, that’s only a small part of a man’s everyday life in chastity.

See, that’s where education comes in. It comes before training; or at least it starts before training. What’s more, I think male chastity training is something both partners do together. Like the lifestyle itself, it’s something they do with each other, not to each other.

You try things, and they don’t work. So you try something else. Do it this way, do it that way… how does that feel? Can you last another week without coming? Can I last another week without you coming?

I suppose at time it naturally gravitates to a point where the woman is making the rules and calling the shots. But by that time, the model for the relationship has usually been established and the concept of his being “trained to obey” doesn’t really make sense – he obeys the rules because they’ve both followed a process and found something that works for them as a couple. Male chastity training is for most couples, who are after all not into the extremes, a path they tread side by side.

This, incidentally, is another reason I suspect individuals who claim they are “forced” to wear a belt or face divorce or whatever are really talking bollocks. It’s very difficult to see how a relationship could go from zero to that kind of silliness without something happening to stop it along the way.

I’m not saying it’s impossible (and we know full well how gradual, imperceptible change over a long period of time can evolve an elephant from a one-celled organism), but it seems highly unlikely given how often we see this particular little fantasy posted as Gospel.

Having said that, let’s not underestimate the fuckeduppedness of people, so who knows?

So, no. Male chastity training isn’t part of my remit, not at the moment anyway (but, like cuckolding, never say never). John and I are discovering this new land together, training each other as we go, you could say.

And, as you’ll know if you’ve asked me questions privatelyor even read the free guide, I can point you in the right direction perhaps, give you suggestions and ideas, but I don’t stand over you with a bull-whip telling you what to do (you wish, oh you fucking wish).

Education, yes; training, no.

Previous post:

Next post: