I live for the moments when I get the most wonderful messages about male chastity from my readers. I get a lot of messages of all sorts, from the amusing to the frankly stupid (“forced into male chastity against my will”, anyone?. Occasionally I get some pretty nasty ones, too. Not many, and not often… but there are some very sad people out there.
But none has touched me in quite the way this one did, from “Mark”:
“I have been reading your blog for about 6 months now and have quite enjoyed it.
I initially went searching for information about teasing and discovered, not only that the world of male chastity exists, but that it was basically what I’ve been wanting for a long time.
I’ve wanted some form of control in my sex life for many years– BDSM and what not.
But with a wife as plain vanilla as there is, it was just not to be. Even after finding out about male chastity a couple of years ago, I wondered how I would ever get my wife to participate, and doubted she would.
Still, it continued to burn in me and I knew somehow, I had to have it. After two years of being so very hesitant (petrified) to bring it up, and after being encouraged by your blog, I told her all about what I was wanting to do and why. It definitely took her by surprise– the extent of it, but I had already coaxed her into some pretty serious tease and denial, so it wasn’t like it was completely new to her.
At first, she said she was okay with continuing some of the teasing, but drew the line at any kind of chastity device.
She wouldn’t even discuss it much. I’d told her I’d made a chastity device, being the resourceful guy I am, out of plastic pipe, and two inch ring and some zip ties. She didn’t want to even see it.
After a few weeks, and some really serious T&D one day, I commented I thought I should be locked up for the next 2–3 days, as she was going to be gone much of the time and I was so tempted after the teasing.
She agreed. I couldn’t believe it. So I put the device on, she checked it out, and for the next couple of days, I was in it 24 hours a day.
There’s something about having the thing on, and with her consent, or by her direction, that is so very different than just the tease and denial, and so different from just wearing it on my own. It’s got to be psychological, but there was definitely a change in me when I put it on. And it’s not even lockable — I can have it off in 5 seconds, but I didn’t want it off. I’ve always been a nice and sweet guy, but when she agreed to have me in this thing, I went looking for ways to do things for her, to be even sweeter, very attentive.
It wasn’t that I was doing it to try to get points so I could come sooner, it was because I was so overjoyed that she would play with me that I wanted to do all sorts of things for her— sort of as repayment.
And she HAS noticed, and commented that she likes all the added attention…. yet she is still hesitant to really get much into it. Why, I don’t know. She likes the new me, I love it on all levels, so I don’t see the problem.
Anyway, after a couple of days, I came out of it for a tease. I guess the sensory deprivation of even that short time had its effect because I was so sensitive to any touch. It made the tease mind-blowing.
I also noticed it felt odd to be out and I actually couldn’t wait to get it back on after we’d been together. My wife still won’t discuss the idea of buying a “real” device, nor me getting a P.A. piercing so I can be locked really good– both things I mentioned wanting when I first told her the whole story.
But I’m hoping by continuing to take it real slow and easy, she will eventually come to see the value in both of those things, and of keeping me locked pretty much 24/7 for long periods of time. (BTW, we’ve really just begun this and currently, we are just short of three weeks without orgasm. I’m asking her for at least 2 more weeks.)
Thanks for all the info and for giving me the courage to pursue this….it’s great!
I just wanted to tell you of the journey’s beginning and say, I’m 58 years old, been married for 37 years, and this is the best thing we have ever done, in my mind, to further our sex life, and our relationship in general.”
Well, I don’t mind telling you I was thrilled to receive this, and I emailed Mark back and asked if he’d allow me to share it with you here on the male chastity blog.
And this was his reply:
“I’m in a rather, shall we say, delicate position and any word of this out would not be good.
Yes, I have BCWYWF and it has been a great help.
In bringing the topic up to my wife, I used many quotes from it and from the blog. In fact, I told her I hoped I got to the place where I was saying that (BCWYWF) to myself. As you use the previous email, let me reiterate what a difference it has made in our general relationship, outside of sex.
Also, I didn’t mention, the effect on me has been like taking me back 40 years, to when I was 18 .….in more ways than one, if you catch my drift.
Also, a word of encouragement to those who are trying to figure out how to “go for it” and say, it’s worth the risk, and if like me, it’s been two years to bring it up, okay, and even if it takes a long slow process to get into the lifestyle (which it probably will), don’t give up, it’s also worth the wait.
I’ll quote you — I never want to go back to how it was. The idea of coming anytime I want is preposterous…how pedestrian! How predictable and boring! Now.… on to a full month!”
I don’t think I can add anything to this, other than to say I get dozens of messages likes this every week from men and women who have read my FREE male chastity Guide as well as those who have decided to take male chastity more seriously and download Be Careful What You Wish For — although few are as comprehensive and eloquent.
And all of them are testament to the power of asking for what you want from male chastity in a way that tells your partner he or she will benefit from it too.
Male Chastity Works
There’s a male chastity forum out there — I won’t mention the name — but on the front page it says, “Everyone is a real person, living real lifes and sharing real experiences”; and then inside there’s the biggest collection of airheaded male-chastity fantasists I’ve ever seen (clue: one poor, deluded fool was insisting he’d heard of someone being locked against his will in a male chastity belt that modern science and engineering was unable to remove without using liquid nitrogen, which was of course too dangerous. Real life male chastity, huh?).
But this, from Mark, is what for most people -- certainly the sane ones -- what male chastity is all about.
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Sarah, what a great message from Mark. I wish it were published in something like ‘Cosmo’ , with a link to your blog. Not that I’m promoting your book or blog as much as the secret of male chastity play needs to be ‘not so much of a secret’. Of course, it all still depends on the courage of each of us in a relationship to start ‘the conversation’, where I think many people still get hung up.
A special thanks to Mark for allowing us to share his message, and you as well for all you do to bring life back to tired relationships.
Thanks to Mark for his letter and to you, Sarah for posting it. This is the kind of post I like to direct people, who are interested in Male Chastity, to.
Thank you for your kind words about my email. I’m glad you got some
encouragement from my words. People are so often quick to write in
order to criticize, condemn, and complain, but seldom do they give
equal time to commend and appreciate.
Not trying to take over your blog here, and as you mentioned somewhere
in your own writing, “Sarah decides,” but I thought I’d give you
some more fodder in the form of a word to the ladies. From all the reading I’ve done, there seems to be two inherent issues common to male chastity: the reluctance of men to bring it up to their wives or girlfriends and the acceptance by the same of the idea. Now obviously, I am speaking purely from a man’s point of view, but I hope I can bring some things to light here that will help couples find all the benefits of male chastity.
First of all, I’d like to say, if my wife came to me and said, “Honey, I have this wild fantasy, it really turns me on, it makes me go wild with desire and I’d like you to help me live it out,” I’d be all over it in a heartbeat. I’d be so on top of it, she’d have to get me to back off because I was too much involved in it. Yet women always seem to freak out at the mention of male chastity as a first response and “no” comes out of their mouth before they’ve even found out, really, what all it means. To be purely sexist, politically incorrect, and perfectly blunt, women don’t tend to be very logical about things. In some arenas, that’s a good thing, but here…..
I guarantee you somewhere, there is a woman, who wears all the usual makeup, bleaches her hair, curls it, straightens it, whitens her teeth- or has caps, shaves, plucks, and waxes hair from various parts of her body, has pierced ears at the least, sports silicone breast implants and wears tinted contacts, telling her husband she refuses to participate in the game of male chastity because it’s “not natural”! Or how many of you ladies take birth control pills? Natural? Okay, the point is, we all do dozens of things daily that are not “natural” so there goes that argument.
I look at sex as something that is supposed to be fun. It’s a mini-vacation that you can take almost anytime you choose, and the effects of this invigorating recreation are almost as pronounced as a long weekend getaway…. or they can be. The point of being fun means that there are all sorts of ways to get creative in the pursuit of it. Games, positions, toys, scenarios, locations, role playing and much more. It all fits in to the grand scheme of enjoying your own sexuality and that of your lover. People get so hung up on what is right and what is wrong, they miss out on the pleasure that is designed as part of the package. Don’t misunderstand me, I fully believe that all this “fun” should be within the context of a monogamous, life-long relationship. There is a safety net there that allows intimacy and security at the same time that you won’t find elsewhere. Sure, there are some deep dark alleys you don’t want to go down- so don’t go down them. (As Sarah has so frequently mentioned, cuckolding is one of them.)
So to the ladies I say, lighten up! Have some fun. Play! Would you like to make your man the happiest guy in the world? If he has brought up male chastity to you, just decide to go for it and take him for a wilder ride than he ever imagined. Tease him more often than he could hope for. Lock him in a device for longer than he thinks he can take. Do like Sarah suggests- make your own rules. Find out what really gets his motor going, then use that against him to tortuously tease him. Take this thing he has brought to you completely out of his hands and run with it.
And that sort of brings up the other item: mens’ reluctance to open up to their wives or girlfriends about male chastity. Ladies, again, I’m sorry, but you have to ask yourself, if your man has been harboring thoughts of this for perhaps years, yet is (was) afraid to bring it up, why is that? There can really be no other answer than his fear of your response, and that fear is born out of your past responses to his suggestions, advances, or other relational particulars. You would think after perhaps many years of marriage, for instance, a husband and wife should be able to honestly talk about relational aspects openly and without ridicule, yet this seldom is so. Your reactions, over time, can cause your mate- get that- the guy you thought held up the world when you married him- to crawl into a shell and shut down and become much less of a man than he was. Too heavy? I’m just saying, examine your relationship and communication- particularly if your guy has brought this topic up and you know or suspect he’s wanted to for a long time, but didn’t.
Male chastity is a game. A game played very seriously- but a game. And like most games, it has some sort of equipment required to play. Tennis requires a racket, football, helmet and pads, baseball, a bat and glove, male chastity- a chastity device. Don’t let that little detail get in the way either.
Oh go ahead, it’s not like a life sentence. The sex police are not going to descend on your house in the middle of the night and break down your door. Give it a whirl. Give it a good honest try for six months, minimum, and see what a change there’ll be in both your sex life and in your relationship outside the bedroom. I think you’ll be delighted.
I agree that most woman just don’t like to talk about sex, especially with men. Why? I don’t know for sure….but I think it is mostly society rather than the natural way of females. (too bad). I and a hand full of other woman are not that way at all. I have been complemented by many males that I ” think” like them and are amazed that I am not offended by any subject or crazy fantasy.
This is why I get turned on by the idea of locking up a male and having the power over his penis. I think it would be fun to try ( I love the idea of wearing the key around my neck) and if it doesn’t work out …what is the big deal? I agree that sex should be fun and the way to keep it fun is to have an open mind, experiment, try new things and laugh about all the possibilities…Jade
love your way of thinking!!!!