For orgasm denial to be a permanent way of life, your man has to be more than willing. In fact, to make it work as a realistic lifestyle choice, I suspect he’s got to be eager.
Let me explain why I say this.
There’s no doubt orgasm denial is a fundamental part of male chastity. For some men it’s really just about orgasm control meaning they have in their ground rules they get to orgasm, but perhaps not so frequently or so easily as before.
But for some men, it goes beyond control into actual orgasm denial — meaning, their orgasms are consciously and deliberately withheld by whomever they have handed over the decision to.
Now, on the face of it no man would want this. Orgasm denial perhaps one of those things where if you have the desire no explanation is possible, and if you don’t then no explanation is necessary. As someone put it today to me on Twitter, “I think it comes down to the fact that desire itself is pleasurable”.
And as I’ve often said, I don’t fully understand orgasm denial myself… but I don’t have to because I can simply enjoy the benefits I get from it plus enjoy the effect on and the pleasure it brings the man I love.
Orgasm denial as a way of life
We can go even deeper into this and look at men and women for whom orgasm denial is more than an occasional game, but actually a way of life. As in, for whatever reasons they have decided orgasm denial is going to be permanent.
This is where it gets a bit silly, in my opinion. Well, it gets silly in lots of places, but it gets really silly here in particular. One of the biggest misconceptions about orgasm denial is it’s somehow not consensual.
Every single time.
I get a fair few emails from men and a few comments on this blog (I don’t approve them) claiming they have somehow been forced into chastity and orgasm denial against their will. On the other side of the coin, I get emails and comments from women (who are usually men pretending to be women, if truth be told) claiming they have forced or are blackmailing their men into the same.
And it’s all a crock of shit. If a man didn’t agree to orgasm denial he could simply cut the device off. Or stick a powerful dildo up his arse and cum like that. Or forcibly take the key from his wife. Or beat her up and make her tell him where it is.
This is why ‘forced chastity’ and ‘forced orgasm denial’ are such BS.
Orgasm denial, even as a permanent way of life is a lifestyle choice which requires ongoing consent and cooperation of the man involved. Any other suggestion is B.S., no matter how loudly and stridently the Chastity Taliban claim otherwise. They are deluded at best, and outright liars at worst.
More than that for most men it also requires the ongoing consent and cooperation of the woman, too, especially if he wants her to give him the tease and denial he craves (very few men want to be locked and left; and probably even fewer want their wives fucking other men while this is all happening).
Why would a man choose permanent orgasm denial?
Because if your appreciation and enjoyment of sexual activity isn’t predicated on the necessity of reaching orgasm… why not?
For many men, the pleasure of pleasing a woman, how she moves, how she looks, and how she sounds is the better part of the pleasure of sex.
For many men the pleasure of sex, the need and desire to orgasm right up to the edge is itself more pleasurable than going over the edge itself and experiencing the inevitable come-down (remember the old saying, “the journey is better than the inn”? It applies here for a great many men).
Which leads me to another comment I get a lot, and which I frankly find annoying. And that’s the “but won’t John lose hope and give up?”.
Similarly, I’ve had it said I “must” do certain things to make sure John doesn’t “cheat”.
This all misses the essential point that while it might be true if he saw orgasm as the be-all and end all… he doesn’t. So he doesn’t want to cheat. He doesn’t want to come (well, he does, but only “in the moment”, which is why when I treat him to Tease and Denial, I’ll often restrain his hands).
In other words, in terms of John’s orgasm denial it’s totally irrelevant, and the people who keep bringing it up really ought to read more of this blog and my emails and stop projecting their own feelings and desires onto others. Orgasm denial is pleasure in and of itself. Permanent orgasm denial with regular and intense tease and denial is a natural extension of this to the limit of what’s possible.
Yes, some men like to play the game of “I’m locked and I have no choice and I’ll cheat if I can”.
But don’t pretend chastity and orgasm denial is not just a game and expect others to take you seriously, don’t fool yourself into thinking everyone else has the same desires and sees it the same way, and don’t start trying to shoehorn your own perceptions and meaning into other people’s lives. It all just makes you look naive, ignorant and stupid.
Fact is, we’ve not made our minds up yet.
We are definitely leaning towards permanent orgasm denial, but we do have some concerns, none of which are to do with John missing out on them (it’s really more about what I’ll perhaps miss out on, but that’s another story).
This isn’t to say things will never change. As someone pointed out, forever and never are a long time. We can change our minds if one or both of us decide that’s what we want. Someone asked me a little while ago what I’d do if John changed his mind about chastity and orgasm denial, and I was somewhat perplexed.
What could I “do”?
Why would I want to “do” anything?
John and I are together because we love each other and we want to be together. It’s not predicated on male chastity and orgasm denial.
On the contrary, our deep love is what makes male chastity and orgasm denial possible and I think more people would do well to realise this and see their own relationships in a similar light.