I know, I’ve been quiet. But that’s because I’ve been busy on the Ulti­mate Male Chastity Guide, “Be Care­ful What You Wish For” (and if you read the free Guide and the Newslet­ter) you’ll be One Big Happy Bunny this morning.

But now let me come up for air and answer a ques­tion before I get busy with my Olym­pus dig­i­tal recorder – who’s respon­si­ble for mak­ing it all work?

Who’s respon­si­ble for orgasm denial and every­thing else that makes this such a deli­cious kink?

Why, both of you, of course.

The trou­ble is, there come times when it’s not clear who’s respon­si­ble for what.

Guess what?

When that hap­pens, it’s because you’ve not set the ground rules properly.

Obvi­ously, you can chop and change and slice and dice this any way you like, but how­ever you do it, you’re going to have a lot more fun in the main if every­one knows what he or she has to do. Male chastity is, as I keep say­ing, a two-way street and some­thing you do with some­one, not to them.

And it’s not always easy.

There are times when I’m enjoy­ing John so much I don’t have a hope in hell of stop­ping him from com­ing – a case in point being the ses­sion I described in the Newslet­ter a cou­ple of weeks ago (yes, and you can get back issues). I’m sim­ply so car­ried away with things all except for a lit­tle cor­ner of me, which is frankly pow­er­less to do any­thing except cross its metaphor­i­cal fin­gers and hope for the best, that I rely entirely on John’s self-control and will­ing­ness to play the game.

Do I like this?

Yes and no.

Yes, because it’s kind of fun watch­ing John’s inter­nal strug­gle and exquis­ite tor­ture; and his strength, char­ac­ter and for­ti­tude at stop­ping him­self makes me love him and desire him even more.

And then there’s that bit of me resent­ing even this small loss of con­trol of his orgasm. That’s a double-headed snake, too – it’s loss of my con­trol, and also know­ing John craves “forced” orgasm denial. In short he shouldn’t have to try not to come. Sort of feels like let­ting him down, if you know what I mean. Male chastity is about me being in con­trol not John hav­ing to con­trol himself.

Which leads me con­ve­niently to an aside on some­thing I’ve been mean­ing to say for ages – mak­ing your man come against his will, so to speak. Tell him he’s not allowed to, and keep telling him that all the way, mak­ing him work as hard as he can not to… but make him any­way. It’s fun.

If you’re into the reward/punishment thing rather than just the vanilla male chastity we tend to play, I’m sure you can think of amus­ing ways to spice it up even more (“10 hard and mer­ci­less strokes of the cane if you come, my lad!”, any­one?).

I do some­thing like this on our “hon­ey­moon week­ends”, where I’ll make him hold on for as long as he can… and then do every­thing so, so, so slowly with­out let­ting him move an inch lest I stop for another 4 months (which gives me an idea for the Newslet­ter this week).

Any­way, it works.

Going full cir­cle back to where we started and male chastity as a lifestyle rather than as iso­lated ses­sions, it really is some­thing you both need to work at and know where the bound­aries and respon­si­bil­i­ties lie.

I know it’s fun to tease and play and even make them break the rules all in the name of fun, but there are times when you don’t want to be unclear about these things.

A case in point is the com­mon prob­lem where you get fric­tion between cou­ples – he whines and com­plains because she isn’t strict enough; she frets and wor­ries because at the time she gives in she’s see­ing her man suf­fer and most of us women really don’t enjoy that – it takes time for us to realise it’s what you crave about male chastity, even if it’s not what you want in the moment (inter­est­ingly some solip­sis­tic fool com­plained yes­ter­day telling me I was “wrong” when I say men want women to say “No!” to orgasm. I love it how these idiots seem to think they know the men who’ve told me this is true for them bet­ter than they know them­selves. He might feel he wants his woman to say “yes”, but John craves denial and so do many, many more men even though they want release)

Fact is, cou­ples need to set the ground rules for male chastity so she knows not to give in, and he knows not to blame her if he comes if he’s not told her or given her the clues that it’s imminent.

Over time she’ll prob­a­bly learn to recog­nise the signs (amaz­ing how few peo­ple see these even with their long-term part­ners –it takes prac­tice and obser­va­tion), but cer­tainly in the early days, he’s going to have to tell her.

And above all, when things do go awry… there’s no point in fin­ger point­ing and blame-laying. All that does is keep the prob­lem hang­ing around and makes the next time you try it even harder because you’re anx­ious about get­ting it right.

Laugh, wipe it off and chalk it up to expe­ri­ence. There’s a rea­son I go into this in depth in the free Guide, but hell, what do I know?

Tagged as: 10 strokes of the cane, chastity lifestyle, Male Chastity, male chastity benefits, Male Chastity Lifestyle, male chastity marriage, male chastity punishment, male orgasm denial, orgasm denial, strokes of the cane

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