Cuckolding, Intimacy, and a Bomb Waiting to Go Off

by Sarah on October 30, 2010

After my comments yesterday, I had an email from A, the fellow who emailed me a while ago with his hypothesis about why cuckolding is such a common and hot fantasy for men exploring male chastity (I really must say more about that when time permits).

He said:

You may remember I sent you my cuckolding theory which you found most interesting. I share this fantasy, but I recently decided I probably want to keep it a fantasy so, unlike your other readers, I think you are doing the right thing.

Like me your husband probably fantasises about seeing another man thrusting into you, but he may not have thought about how he would react to witnessing intimacy between you and a lover – kissing, cuddling, sharing jokes in a post‐orgasmic glow, and paying him no attention because you are wrapped up in each other. I know that when I thought about that, it disturbed me and made me think again.”

And this is absolutely spot on.

As it happens John has thought about this, and it’s not something he’s concerned about, although, as I intimated in my email, I am. I don’t want that kind of emotional connection with anyone but my husband, male chastity, fantasy, orgasm denial or no.

But that’s a minor detail.

Because the really huge, massive and mega‐important observation here is cuckolding is not just about the sex; or, rather, while it might be about the sex, the inevitable tenderness and non‐sexual and post‐coital intimacy is also going to be present.

Unless the sex is purely mechanical (and I suspect few women would go for that), it’s virtually a given.

Your man might, as A. says, be incredibly turned on by the hot animal sex… but the rest of it is an emotional minefield just waiting to blow the whole thing sky high.

Now, contrary to what people seem to think, I am not against cuckolding, and I think I make my position clear in Be Careful What You Wish For.

But I’m not for it either.

I have no opinion on the matter in the context of whether or not other people should do it… because it’s simply none of my business.

What I am for is personal freedom and choice – and that includes the choice of not doing something as well as the choice of doing something.

I confess, I get a tad annoyed at people who seem to think I’m some kind of prude or haven’t thought about it sufficiently (it seems their criterion for judging “sufficiently” is “when you’ve decided you want to do it”.

Fact is, John would like me to, but I won’t want to – and that’s a conclusion I’ve come to after much thinking. And neither of us is in the business of expecting the other to do things they really don’t want to do.

If cuckolding is your bag, then I’m happy for you, really I am.

It’s just not right for me – and I think it’s not right for a lot of people, but they don’t find this out until it’s a bit too late.

As I keep saying, and will keep saying: male chastity is supposed to be a fun and exciting adjunct to a marriage, and to me there are some things you just don’t want to go around poking sharp sticks at.

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