How to Ask Your Wife for Male Chastity

by Sarah on September 29, 2012

Some of my favourite questions come from people who are completely new to male chastity. Somewhat counterintuitively, they often seem to have a better grasp of reality than many an old‐hand.

Here’s one I found in my inbox this morning:

A question did arise . how to tell a girl if i am into chastity ? recently i bought a chastity device and locked myself . just to know how it feels like to be in it. i read a thread that you kept your husband in chastity and you did let him orgasm once a year. that’s too long i think. but is it possible to stay in chastity for that long without getting out for a single day?” ~ J

Well the easy way is to tell her upfront and before you get into a relationship with her too deeply. I say this because one of the most common things I hear is the expression of regret from men who crave chastity but find themselves in marriages and relationships where they perceive it’s all but impossible for them to ask for it OR their partners simply won’t discuss it at all.

And that’s a terrible shame, because I do understand for many men it’s not a whim or an idle fancy. Some men truly crave it, and any woman who has experienced that deep‐seated drive to have a baby really ought to be a bit more understanding of her man.

So the easiest thing to do is not to get into a relationship with a woman who won’t play. Sounds shallow to some, but that’s their problem, not mine. I think it makes a lot of sense.

How do you ask her for male chastity?

The easiest way is to look for her in the kind of place where she’s likely to be predisposed to being a bit ‘different’ in her sexual tastes. There are chastity forums out there, and other sites where you can search for keyholders (caveat emptor, mind). Or try one of the more kink‐friendly sites like Informed Consent in the UK.

If you’re already IN a relationship then perhaps the easiest way is to give her a copy of ‘A Letter to Your Beloved’, which comes free with ‘Be Careful’.

It’s a letter from one woman to another and explains your desires in easy, non‐threatening terms.

The last thing is the year’s denial. For some, a year would be too long. For John, it wasn’t. Most men seem to have a kind of ‘orgasm thermostat’ which sets their maximum level of frustration. For John, that seems to kick in between two and three weeks; other men might have it come sooner or later.

But what it means is your desire and need to cum will reach a plateau after a time, and from that point on it doesn’t get any harder. In other words, by and large three months is no harder for John than three weeks (although frequent tease and denial can bump your thermostat up somewhat, it’s true).

Finally, let’s be clear: he wasn’t locked in his Lori for an entire year. It came off regularly and often for playing, and for other reasons, too.

I go into a lot more detail on this and other topics in ‘Be Careful’.

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