Those familiar with Vilfredo Pareto won’t be surprised to discover male chastity perfectly bears out his theories (in fact, looking at the visitor stats for this blog, the number are uncannily accurate: over the last month, 81.37% of new visitors have been referred by 19.12% of the referring sites).
If you haven’t heard of Willy, then he was the clever chap who discovered what has been called variously, “the Pareto principle”, “the law of the vital few”, and “the 80/20 rule”. If you want to know more, then Google him.
Anyway, as I said, the distribution of visitors to the Blog fits nicely, as does the distribution of questions asked of me (meaning, 80% of the questions I get asked are on just 20% of the subjects I get asked about).
And by far the most common of all is “how do I convince my partner to give male chastity a try?”.
I’ve answered this before, but because it is so common a question, I thought I’d answer it now in a bit more detail.
The short answer as I’ve said before is “you can’t”. Despite what sales-trainers like to tell you, it’s nigh-on impossible to convince anyone to buy anything. And getting your partner to try any kind of kink is really nothing more than a sales job. In fact, getting anyone to do anything you want them to do is an exercise in sales, whether you like it or not, simply because you’re using the same skills, either wittingly or unwittingly, to get what you want.
No, the key to sales is getting the person to convince themselves that buying your products – or in this case buying into your ideas is a good idea in itself.
Now, I’m not proposing to give you all a crash-course in sales.
Well, it’s more John’s speciality than mine; it’s too long and complex to go into in just one blog post; and I actually go into it into some detail in the free Guide, and in even more detail in the Guide I’m releasing very soon.
But here are a few things you can think about before you drop male chastity as a new lifestyle on your beloved.
First, to repeat myself, since it’s almost always men who harbour this secret kink for a long time you stand a very good chance of rushing in headlong and swamping your partner with a mass of scary information. Remember she is in all likelihood going to see this as potentially a huge and threatening black cloud about to go “flup” all over her relationship.
So my first piece of advice is to start with male chastity simply and slowly. If you give her the impression you have this all mapped out and planned right down to the colour of the silken ropes she’ll restrain you with while she canes your sorry arse, she will quite possibly freak. So if you have planned it that meticulously, just do both of you a favour and pretend you haven’t.
Secondly, much as it’s entirely natural for you to be more concerned with your own rational self-interest, it’s just as entirely natural for her to be concerned about her own. Don’t splutter and object when I say this – it’s human nature.
Doing nice things for each other isn’t sacrifice – we get pleasure out of it. It’s congruent to act in your own self interest by doing things for others that bring you pleasure. When we do things for others and we don’t want to do them, then everyone knows about it because we make sure we piss and moan about it.
So my second piece of advice is to couch male chastity in terms of what it will do for her.
Now , please, this is not the same as saying “it’s all about her”. Unless you and your wife are both really into female domination, I suggest you leave that one alone for a while. Because while we women might think we want it all to be about us, when a man actually gives in to us all the time, we come to despise him.
No, this isn’t true of all women. Just most of us.
And Thirdly, following on from No. 2, it’s not enough to tell her. Your aim is to get her actually experiencing the benefits or imagining the benefits vividly so she can convince herself male chastity is a good idea.
So show her.
Every time you take a baby-step, make sure she experiences some benefit from it. You don’t have to paint a big signpost pointing to it – she isn’t stupid. She’ll get the message.
And if she does something “wrong”, or not strictly according to that detailed plan you have, don’t complain. We adults aren’t that different from kids, really – we respond much better to praise and encouragement than we do to complaints and criticism.
And… the main thing is… relax.
There’s no better way to scare her than making it into a big deal. If you’re relaxed and laughing about it she’ll take her cue from you.
And really, relaxing is the best way to approach it all anyway, in my humble opinion – because it’s supposed to be just fun and games, right?
P.S. What a fantastic weekend away we had as a reward to ourselves for all the hard work we’ve done. I’ll be giving all the prurient details this week and next in the newsletter. You can elect to receive it and the free guide by going here.