Keeping Male Chastity Sane

by Sarah on July 13, 2010

Male chastity is unavoidably an emotional minefield, at least for most people. And not just for the men either.

And this is why I yammer on (and on, and on…) at readers who seem determined to jump headlong into things despite what I say in the free Guide or, indeed, anywhere else.

Underpinning it all is my impossible-to-over-emphasise advice not to make important decisions when you’re feeling emotional; I’ll go further and say the more emotional you’re feeling, and the more convincing your feelings are that what you’re doing is Right, Just and a Good Idea, the less sensible it is just to go ahead and do it without first calming down and looking at it dispassionately.

As Michael_X wrote so eloquently:

[emotions] are fast response pro­grams that pre­pare an organ­ism to meet an envir­on­mental chal­lenge and that pre­par­a­tion includes changes in the way the brain func­tions and the beha­viour that res­ults. As sur­vival pro­grams their suc­cess­ful deploy­ment is accom­pan­ied by pos­it­ive feel­ings and that is what leads people to seek them out.”

In short, your emotions are nature’s way of helping your brain make survival-relevant decisions without you having to spend time thinking about it. We’ve evolved this way and the part of the brain responsible for your emotions is the limbic system, something we share with all the mammals.

So what? What does this have to do with male chastity?

Patience. I’m getting there.

Unfortunately, your emotions are not necessarily an accurate analysis of the situation – they merely indicate the perceived situation.

And, taking, say, fear as an example getting it wrong can actually be pro-survival.

Because if Ug the Caveman gets frightened because he “feels” he’s in danger and leaves the scene, if that suspicious shape in the trees is a tiger, he’s just saved his own life. He then has the chance to pass on the genes for seeing tigers in the trees to his offspring (assuming Ug and Uggetta aren’t playing kinky stone-age male chastity games with a granite CB0001).

And if he gets it wrong, and there was no tiger?

It doesn’t matter: he still gets to live and perhaps pass on his genes to his offspring.

But if he gets it wrong the other way? He stands a much better chance of becoming tiger-food rather than Daddy.

This is a simplistic way of looking at it, but it serves to show why we’ve evolved with an in-built bias for pattern recognition (Jesus in a piece of burnt toast, anyone?), and why our emotions are both powerful and an unreliable guide to what’s really going on.

So what? What does this have to do with male chastity?

Well, it has everything to do with every decision we ever make. The bottom line is if you’re feeling emotional it’s a sign you’re not being logical.

It doesn’t mean what you’re thinking of doing is necessarily the wrong action but it is a sign that the decision you’re getting the urge to make is heavily biased in some direction by factors other than sense, sanity and rational thought.

So if you do make the right decision, then it’s more by luck than judgement.

Let me give you a concrete example, and one directly relevant to male chastity. Virtually everyone will agree the fantasy of being tied to a chair while another man fucks your wife is hot. Even women (like me) who would never actually cuckold their husbands find this a hot fantasy even just sitting there talking about it over afternoon tea.

Now, take that same fantasy and whisper it into your loved one’s ear next time you’re making love and you’re refusing (or being refused) an orgasm. Then extend it to ridiculous bounds and fantasise about having a different man every night and never ever allowing him to orgasm ever again.

I guarantee, with vanishingly rare exception, this absurd, unlikely and wholly impractical whispered fantasy of permanent male chastity sans orgasms in perpetuity will send you both into the sexual stratosphere.

Right at that moment, you’d both agree to almost fucking anything.

But an hour later, when you’ve both perhaps orgasmed and you’re cuddled up in that delicious post-coital glow?

Forget it. You’ll realise how dumb and impractical an idea it really is – that is, until it starts getting you horny and emotional again.

Yes, I’m using an extreme example, but not that extreme – because emotions are powerful things and human sexuality brings out some of the most powerful emotions we have. Kinky human sexuality sends them right off the scale.

Kinky human sexuality while we’re actually in the process of having sex…

Well, we’re simply not sane at that point.

So this is why I suggest you don’t make important decisions – and I mean any important decisions, not just ones about male chastity – when you’re feeling emotional.

Now, a valid point people have brought up about this.

I often suggest you make important decisions about kinky stuff when you’re all cuddled up after making love and you’ve both calmed down. Aren’t you feeling emotional then, they ask?

Why, yes, of course you are.

But as with the case of the imagined-tiger, getting it wrong this time is going to be less dangerous than getting it wrong the other way. Your decisions will likely be biased in favour of each other and your relationship, is one way to put it.

Neuroscience has shown us recently we can’t make decisions other than emotionally. However, I think it pays us to keep our emotions out of the equation insofar as we can and to keep the emotions that are necessarily involved working for us rather than against us.

I know it might seem a bit silly and even square to sit there talking sensibly about male chastity, which is, after all, a rather amusing kink, but in my experience it’s going to pay you back many times over in the long run.

Previous post:

Next post: