So, to continue from yesterday: A’s concerns about male chastity.
“The arguments against adopting an enforced chastity lifestyle are as follows:”
Well, not strictly a question here but worth picking up on because it does suggest something of a skewed perspective.
The notion of it being “forced” is utter fantasy in a modern Western society. You can’t be made to wear a device by anyone, least of all your wife who is, presumably, physically smaller and weaker than you are. If all else failed you could remove any available device or belt I’m aware of with tools you’ll find in virtually every man’s garage, shed or workshop.
So, if you ever find yourself wearing a chastity belt or device, then, unless you’ve been kidnapped and physically restrained (in which case you’d probably not be free to pose questions on a Blog), you’re wearing it by consent.
This is an important point to get over to your wife: it’s a game you’re going to play together. She’s going to be exploring the delights, pleasures, and frustrations of male chastity with you, not doing it to you.
“1) A female keyholder sounds suspiciously like being a Dominatrix which seems to go hand in hand with bondage, corporal punishment and basically destroying the Subs self esteem and feelings of self worth.”
Well, yes, often these two things go together. But that ought not surprise us because female domination and control clearly extends to control of the man’s sexuality. I suppose there might be D&S relationships out there which have no sexual component on either side, but they’d be extremely rare and I’ve never heard it.
But the point is, just because X is sometimes found in Y doesn’t mean everything containing X must be Y.
The “logic” idiots who claim male chastity “must be” either be D&S or contain it is thus:
- D&S involves an element of sexual control.
- Your relationship has an element of sexual control.
- Therefore your relationship is a D&S relationship.
And it simply doesn’t follow. For example:
- Cars have wheels.
- Your skateboard has wheels.
- Therefore your skateboard is a car.
Apart from anything else, we’re talking about the human mind and human emotions here, so it’s necessarily subjective.
If the man doesn’t feel submissive it cannot possibly be a D&S relationship; if the woman doesn’t feel dominant it also cannot possibly be a D&S relationship. John enjoys surrendering to his own feelings, and yet still one complete fuckwit tried to tell me what John was “really” feeling (his problem, well one of many, is he himself is submissive and cannot see the world through any other lens than the one he has nailed to his own face).
Still, the concern your wife has about male chastity and submission is real to her.
She can’t help feeling how she feels, and all she can do at the present time is control how she acts in response to those feelings. You won’t be able to argue her out of her emotional position, simply because emotion and logic are handled in entirely different parts of the brain (this is how people can still believe the Earth was created 6,000 years ago and the Bible is literally true despite the mass of contradiction in it and all the evidence pointing to a much older Earth).
You can tell her male chastity doesn’t have to involve these things, and that will perhaps be enough to get her to suspend her disbelief long enough to give it a try; and then you can show her it doesn’t by your actions and behaviour.
If you leave her to assimilate that and experience it without bondage, corporal punishment and emotional abuse, she’ll likely change her understanding and feelings all by herself.
“2) Holding the keys to another person’s orgasms is taking away from them the most precious gift that is unique to all human beings, the power of free choice. In effect you’ve reduced the locked up person’s human experience.”
The problem here is she’s seeing it only from her perspective and I suspect this concern is actually her logical thought processes trying to rationalise the emotional feelings about male chastity being the same as D&S. The truth is if you don’t like the device being on, you can take it off, whether or not she lets you have the key (this is why I picked up on the point right at the beginning).
It’s perhaps complicated by the fact you will at some time ask her for mercy, but really want her to deny you. I know from experience that can be really hard, because your feeling at the time is your loved one is suffering and all you want to do is help them in the moment by unlocking them. It takes time, patience and some fortitude to realise by keeping them locked you’re giving them more of what they want the most than you are giving them if you unlock them.
Again, she’ll only come out of this by experiencing male chastity for herself. One thing I found useful was to have a “safeword”, a word John could use to stop the game.
So if he just begged for release I knew everything was really OK; but if he ever said, “have mercy”, then the rule was I’d ask him if he meant it; and if he repeated it rather than just saying “yes”, the game would stop and I’d unlock him.
That never happened, and now while we still technically have the safeword there, we’re both 99% certain it’s never going to be used and to all intents and purposes it might as well not exist.
But it helped me train myself to endure John’s “suffering” because I knew deep down he was OK and male chastity wasn’t violating his individual sovereignty or rights as a person.
This does require some work on your part, because in the heat of the moment the desire to use the safeword is incredibly strong. And crying-wolf obviates the whole point of having it.
But if you want what you want badly enough, you’ll find the strength to do it, I’m sure.
“3) She feels that by her attaining orgasms alone while denying me the same she’s exploiting me, in other words I’ve become her object, her sex toy. This bothers her greatly, she wants the sexual act to be one of mutual giving and not just self gratification.”
My answer to this is pretty much the same as my answer above: she’s seeing male chastity only from her point of view. It’s often hard for us women to understand but most men have different orgasms from us most of the time and in most circumstances.
For them it tends to be a climb to a single peak followed by a drop into lethargy. We, on the other hand, tend to ascend to a mind-blowing crescendo in a series of peaks and troughs. To a woman, the thought of having that process curtailed is bewildering and leaves us thinking you’re quite mad.
But for a man in male chastity having his orgasm denied and delayed, often for long periods of time, is the closest they can come to the female orgasm. If she can come to see it from that perspective, she’ll come to realise she’s not depriving you of anything at all. On the contrary, she’s giving you a gift most men will never receive from their women.
Again , you won’t be able to argue her out of this position because it’s emotional, not logical. So you’re going to have to show her, by starting off gently and raising the stakes (but only to mutually acceptable levels) as you go.
And, of course, it has to work for both of you. I know from experience I miss John coming with me and inside me. So for me, male chastity involving permanent orgasm denial would be out of the question even if there were no other reasons.
So you may have to compromise. If your craving is for a year in denial, but she really doesn’t want to wait more than six months before experiencing her pleasure of giving you an orgasm, then it’s something you’ll have to negotiate. From my perspective, half a cake is better than no cake at all. But I can’t speak for you and your wife.
There are no rules about male chastity and in that respect asking advice about “how long is right…?” is the wrong question, because only you and your wife can possibly say.
“I do want to adopt this lifestyle but I also do not want to mess my own and my wife’s sense of right and wrong.”