In a moment, another male chastity gem for you (well, it was for me, and I think it will be for others, too).
But first an apology: I owe lots of people emails and more than a few topics to tackle here on the blog, but a client has just dropped shit-loads of work on us for an big event in two weeks, so it’s all hands to the pumps.
Normal service will be resumed as quickly as possible.
From what I’ve seen most men and women who get into the lifestyle tend to be older, typically over 40. I know a lot of younger men seek orgasm control, too, but that seems to be for different reasons. Many of them tell me they wish to save their energy for more productive pursuits like college, carousing and even karate.
As an aside, it’s a funny feeling getting questions from young guys about things of a sexual nature, especially something as off-the-wall as male chastity. They are disarmingly open and honest and I feel like their bloody mother – it seems like just five minutes ago I was 16, and now I’m a middle-aged agony aunt! But keep them coming. I really don’t mind. It’s not your fault I’m getting old ;-).
To continue… I had message the other day from a slightly older Gentleman who said:
“There is one benefit — to both male and female — that has been largely overlooked in the discussion. It would be interesting to know if this has ever been brought up in any of your discussions. The fact is, that male chastity is quite liberating for the male in the context that we no longer feel required to ‘perform’, and that we are now free to express simple affection without the taint of ‘Uh-oh. What does he want now?’”
This is right on the money and deeply profound, I think. It’s a “hidden benefit” to male chastity inasmuch as it never even occurred to me. To the best of my knowledge John hasn’t “slowed down” appreciably, but then he’s only 45.
A few more years and he almost certainly will (and it’s possible he already has done and is good at covering up – after all, I’ve been with him for only six years, so I’ve experienced him only as a middle-aged lover).
Performance anxiety is a big issue for a lot of men, because they tend to feel their masculinity is defined by their sexual prowess. A loss of performance can be devastating. And since men are generally crap when it comes to talking about these things (partly because they’re just men and partly because of how our culture tends to view male sexuality), they often avoid the issue – as well as sex and intimacy – rather than talk about it.
“I admit this [male chastity] might have been a bit more difficult in my younger years (my wife and I are both up in years), but within the past 10 years or so the anxiety of ‘not getting it up’ and ‘not being able to last’ has been a negative in our sex life. Not so much overtly, but it is always an undercurrent: What must she feel when I can’t get it up? That I don’t love her anymore? Is she resentful because I either have to stop or ejaculate before she is completely satisfied”
Again, right on the money.
“The male chastity lifestyle removes these barriers completely. Some of the most satisfying and mind blowing sex we have had has come from me satisfying her in ways other than penetration. It’s amazing how much an hour long full body massage (with a happy ending for her) can really turn both of us on.
Eliminating the anxiety of ED from the sexual equation has been, I believe, the biggest benefit for me, and I suspect for my wife as well.”
My guess is this is a massive benefit of male chastity most couples overlook. And let’s face it, it’s not just something that comes up as you get older. Your sex-life wanes with the same partner at any age simply because it all becomes so routine, predictable and often even boring.
And for any man over 40 it’s probably a good “excuse” to use with your wife when you’re trying to explain the benefits to her – if you’re brave enough to put it in terms of your own anxiety and recognition that you’re not the all-night-hard-on you once were, I suspect she’d have to have a heart of stone not to take that seriously.
But all that aside, you know what else I really love about this fellow’s observation?
It’s free of all the hype and bullshit that’s almost always parcelled up with male chastity, all the “I become more submissive and want to obey her” silliness.
This is perhaps the very best example of what I mean when I say to most couples male chastity is about shared intimacy, and something you do with each other for mutual pleasure and benefit rather than something you do to someone.
Hats off to you, Sir!
You made my week.