Male Chastity and Discretion

by Sarah on July 5, 2010

Male chastity is most definitely something that goes on between consenting adults.

That, we know.

But what we also know yet never seems to be talked about is how does it fit in with family life. This question caused me to do something of a double take yesterday evening:

One area that has not been addressed (to date) is how to do this when there are pre‐teens and early teen children at home. We are keeping this transparent but sometimes things can be awkward”

The reason I did a double take is it’s something that’s never really come up so, a bit like the “older man” thing the other day, it’s not something I’ve had to worry about unduly.

Our situation is such that my youngest daughter, who’s 16, lives with us and my eldest, who’s 22 lives near her work. John’s kids live with his ex.

So really, we’ve just got one teenager to “worry” about.

Although, this now reminds me of a something very funny that happened when we first started with the male chastity and the CB3000. It didn’t work out that well for us, but for a while I intermittently kept the key on a chain around my neck. My eldest lived with us at the time and asked what the key was for.

So I told her: “It’s the key to John’s chastity device”.

She’s a bit of a prude anyway and I think she thought I was joking, to boot. In any case, she hmphed and never mentioned it again.

But let’s take a step back. Most couples with children (of all ages) have a sex life of some kind, and it’s no immense task or hardship to keep it mostly to yourselves. Most people of all ages have a complete mental block when it comes to thinking about their parents having sex anyway, so it’s not like they have some kind of prurient interest in discovering all the nitty‐gritty of what you’re up to.

Yes, there’s perhaps some added difficulty when it comes to male chastity because there’s a good chance you’re wearing a belt or device of some kind. Big deal. Just take as much care as you can not to have it actually bash one of them when you’re swinging them around or giving them a hug.

If you’re really concerned about it, then you feel you have to take the device off when you’re having long periods of “quality time” with your kids or going on holiday or whatever. Again, big deal (and you should be used to the fact that your kids ruin your lives for about 20 years anyway).

I’m being somewhat tongue‐in‐cheek here, but come on… this isn’t rocket science. Just be discreet with your male chastity. And if something gets “noticed”, deal with it in the way you normally deal with things.

I personally am open and honest about things, so if I’m asked, I’ll answer. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say that rather than lie. Sex and nudity are not taboo, and as a consequence all the kids are well informed, well balanced and have a lot of self‐confidence and self‐esteem. If you’ve a different approach with your kids, then handle it the way you’d normally handle things – this isn’t the place to have a lesson on Good Parenting (and I’m not about to set myself up as an expert, either).

To be a bit more serious about things, though… what is the big deal? It’s a facet of your sexuality as an adult. Why would you treat male chastity any differently from any other aspect of your sexuality?

It probably wouldn’t be appropriate or healthy to parade it in front of your kids whether they’re 14 or 40, but the same goes for oral sex, anal sex or using a vibrator.

Male chastity is something between you and your partner, and in a society where we necessarily rub shoulders with one another, we’ve grown pretty good at seeing things without noticing them.

Any kind of consensual sexual activity between you and your partner cannot possibly be harmful to your kids. If they somehow find something “incriminating”, and ask about it, you can tell them as much or a little as you like, as you wish. And keep it in perspective: would their finding a vibrator really be any less embarrassing and “traumatising” than finding a CB3000 or steel belt?

The chances are their own sexuality won’t be very sophisticated unless they really are grown up, so you’re unlikely to want to go into detail – it’s enough to tell them male chastity is a game loving couples sometimes play with each other.

Which is more or less what you’d say about any sexual activity, isn’t it?

And to be even more serious about things, if you’ve brought your kids up to have a sense of self and personal determinism and a respect for the sovereignty of the individual, then your battle is half won – because you’ll have already instilled in them the idea that what consenting adults do to and with each other is no one else’s concern. And if you haven’t done this, then perhaps you should have done.

This kind of harks back to what I was saying yesterday about giving up your power by living your life in ways that meet the approval of others, because their disapproval is just too painful, embarrassing or uncomfortable.

It’s your life, and it’s up to you to decide how to live it. It’s probably wise not to go out of your way to advertise your little kinks to your family, but we’re used to being discreet as a society. If they somehow find out, it doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you make it one.

Chances are they won’t care and they really, really, really won’t want to think about it.

It’s in the same category as your grandma going down on your granddad: it’s just not something to dwell upon if you want to retain your sanity and your lunch.

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