Male Chastity and Orgasm Denial - False Perceptions

by Sarah on August 30, 2010

Not too long ago there was a post on the Male Chastity Forum from some chap who had met and married his wife in a D&S context but now they’ve had a baby and she just ain’t into it any more.

Boo hoo.

OK, perhaps I shouldn’t be so harsh, because I know from my own experience with my ex‐husband, when you’re not getting what you want from a relationship it leaves you feeling frustrated, downhearted and, frankly miserable (see this coming week’s newsletter for more about this topic in particular).

But what got me about this fellow’s attitude was how it was all about him. His posts ostensibly sought advice but when the advice he got wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he kept asking the same question over and over again, which was in effect, “how can I make my wife into my Domme again? All I want to do it serve her”.

He didn’t want advice about how to get male chastity and orgasm denial back into his relationship: he wanted approval. Sadly, that’s extremely common in all walks of life. It’s a fun game to listen to people closely and see how frequently they do it.

But that aside, there is nothing more frustrating on this Earth than wanting something from someone who doesn’t want to give it to you. Inanimate objects you can deal with – you can smash them up, replace them or repair them… whatever. But you can do something and you don’t have to have their cooperation .

Yet people… oh my.

And it’s never worse than when it’s someone who’s close to you, someone whose life is tightly intertwined with your own so simply shrugging and walking away is neither emotionally nor practically feasible.

The fact is, though, you can’t make anyone do anything, not without force or bullying. And I really can’t imagine many things more unpleasant than playing a kinky sex game like male chastity and orgasm denial with someone out of a sense of duty or fear.

And this is why I cover it in so much detail both in BCWYWF and Why He wants You To Say ‘NO!’.

PLEASE remember, folks, people will always act most willingly in their best interests. Everyone wants to know “what’s in it for me?” so simply telling your wife or girlfriend over and over again what you want probably isn’t much of a change from the behaviour that got you where you are now (which is somewhere you don’t want to be any more).

The fundamental problem, I fear, is men – usually – are focusing on male chastity and orgasm denial as an end in itself, rather than as a means to an end.

And what is that end?

Well, let’s not deny men are probably more focused on the sexual aspects of it, at least in the beginning, but really what men want is more intimacy, with sex being a part of that (men’s upbringing is generally lacking in emotional “training” and they often struggle to separate love and sex even though, contradictory creatures that they are, they can fuck at the drop of a hat with a total stranger and think nothing of it. I think it’s when they are in love the confusion really starts for them).

But I think if women really realised, truly understood that male chastity and orgasm denial is the tool by which what practically all women want can be realised – that is, a close, loving and more physically and emotionally intimate relationship – I think men would have an easier time getting them on board.

Of course, this is all predicated on the assumption the distance you perceive in your relationship is a gap and not a yawning, uncrossable chasm filled with darkness and things with teeth and claws.

Because regardless of what many claim and many more seem to think, male chastity and orgasm denial are not foolproof panaceas to cure all your relationship ills.

But that’s a story for another day, methinks.

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