Male Chastity and the Courage to Beg for Denial

by Sarah on June 7, 2010

Male chastity is not like hacking off a limb, poking out an eye, or giving a kidney away for transplant. Meaning, it’s just something you can try and if it doesn’t suit you then you can simply stop.

Let’s not dwell on the stories we hear about women who get so into it they threaten separation, divorce and dismemberment if their man removes the device or objects greatly to wearing it – most of them are simply untrue, and the women who do have this attitude are few and far between.

For the hard of reading and thinking: yes, I’m sure they do exist; no it’s unlikely your wife or girlfriend is one of them (you’d probably know by now), or is somehow going to turn into one (again, you’d probably know by now, and people rarely undergo radical personality changes… but that’s a topic for another several posts).

As an aside, it’ll make things easier on everyone if you’d realise I rarely write about absolutes. When I write something like “men’s orgasms are like this and women’s orgasms are like that” please understand I really mean “with most men, most of the time have orgasms mostly like this”, and so on. Things are rarely so black and white and that’s a given. It just gets very tiresome reading comments and emails from people telling me they are somehow an exception and male chastity in their life means this, that and the other.

Wonderful. So you’re an exception. But that’s exactly what you are. And while some people have fallen out of aeroplanes at tens of thousands of feet above the earth sans parachute and have survived, it’s not really to be recommended because the vast majority of people don’t actually live to tell the tale (it’s called survivor bias).

Anyway, so… male chastity is not an either/or proposition for most sane and sensible people, it’s not something you get into and then can’t possibly back out of, and it’s certainly nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

Because what I’ve noticed these past few months is men and women (in about equal measure) taking it all so fucking seriously and being terribly solemn about the whole thing.

Men are typically terrified of committing to something they then can’t handle (which is all the more reason to take things slowly, relax about them, and don’t make your decisions when you’re feeling highly emotional); and women seem to be afraid their men have been harbouring some gross perversion and have just revealed it, or, more rarely, they’re afraid that by denying their man they’re using, exploiting or even abusing him.

I think we’ve probably covered the most of the angles enough in recent posts and I don’t want to revisit them and expand upon then right now.

What I do want to do, though, is sound a word of warning for the small number of women who seem to be seeing male chastity as either a gross perversion or even as a threat to you and your marriage.

First, your man has probably had these thoughts and feelings for a long time, even if he couldn’t articulate them as clearly and concisely as “male chastity”. By coming out to you, he’s done something incredibly brave, because anything strictly non‐vanilla is generally taboo in our society. If you show disgust or opprobrium, then you’re being extremely hurtful, thoughtless and frankly selfish. I get thoroughly fed up with feminists who piss and moan about how easy things are for men and how tough they are for women. I don’t want to get into this now, but while men’s lives are perhaps simpler, they’re most certainly not easier.

Secondly, by ignoring it, censuring him or refusing to discuss, consider or try male chastity out, you are not going to make it go away. He wants this. It’s been eating away at him and it’s not going to stop.

Ignore it at your peril. If he snaps and seeks it elsewhere, then while it doesn’t excuse any infidelity or disloyalty, it does explain it; what’s more, you must realise you could have helped him avoid it. Simply saying he should “ignore it” or “forget it” is like telling someone on a strict diet to have more “willpower” and simply not eat.

I’m not suggesting for a second anyone does anything they really do find revolting, repugnant or completely disagreeable, but if you’re a woman and have had this dropped into your lap, the chances are any information you have about male chastity is inaccurate at best and completely fucked up at worst. Which means you’ll be deciding a course of action based no sound base, which makes it tantamount to an uninformed decision.

So, girls, be patient, understanding and remember what your man is suggesting is almost certainly more akin to the gentle teasing and denial virtually every woman has played with in flagrante delicto rather than the fire, brimstone and female domination you’re afraid it might be.

And men… you remember two things, too: first, no matter how you procrastinate, prevaricate, hint and circumlocute your way around the subject, if you want what you want, you’re going to have to ask for it in some way. In other words if you want male chastity, you’ve got to ask her for it. That means being clear about it, knowing what you want, and having good information at your fingertips.

And, secondly, this is one of those rare occasions like hacking off a limb, poking out an eye, or giving a kidney away for transplant. Meaning, it’s not something you can unsay if your good lady freaks.

There’s a lot you can do to ameliorate any potential bad reactions, but ultimately you’ve got to let the cat out of the bag, open that can of worms, spill the beans or whatever metaphor you like to use.

So, it is a risk. But life is never without risk (as John says, “life is a dangerous game… no one ever gets out alive”), and the best we can do is decide what risks we’re willing to take, manage those risks, and, most important, accept we’re willing to pay the price if the risks are realised as consequences.

Perhaps the luckiest man alive would be one who had a secret, burning desire for male chastity and before he had the courage to tell his wife, had her come to him and suggest it first.

Maybe this has happened, maybe it hasn’t.

But my guess is it’s very rare, and if you put your desires on hold hoping it’s just going to “happen” for you, then you’re probably going to be waiting a long time.

Faint hearts n’er won fair ladies. Or, indeed, their agreement to keep you in a chastity belt.

Be careful what you wish for… but not too careful, eh?

P.S. Unless the sky falls in and there’s a big fuckup somewhere along the line, John’s Tollyboy belt will arrive tomorrow. Muwahahahaha…

I am an evil bitch.

Evil evil evil bitch!

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