Is a Male Chastity Contract Necessary?

by Sarah on June 14, 2010

I had an intriguing message the other day about the male chastity contract – she and her husband have taken a marvellously refreshing and ingenious view of it that’s never really occurred to me before.

I have to say, for all of the idiots, subbies and weirdos who message me, it’s worth wading through their dross just to find the occasional diamond.

In short, what they’ve done is sit down and actually talk the lifestyle through and, if I may use a short quote from a long and delightful message:

So he drew up what he calls our ‘Renewed Marriage Vows’, it is an actual wedding ceremony to be conducted in private between us. Prior to the ceremony we would sign a ‘Prenuptial Agreement’ regarding marital relations, and what he agrees to do, to make me feel more empowered and comfortable with this new arrangement”

The gist of it is they’ve taken a sane and sensible approach to the whole thing and re‐affirmed their marriage vows to become or include a male chastity contract. I will have more to say about this lady’s remarkable story in later posts, but for now I want to focus on this part.

As with pretty much everything else we talk about on this blog (now isn’t that a surprise?), people’s opinions on contracts are divided and even polarised.

John and I have one, although that was more for John than for me and, frankly, the way things have gone it’s now become pretty much moot because John has given me full control, meaning it can be boiled down to just two words: “Sarah Decides”.

But that aside, is a male chastity contract necessary?

And again, I don’t know. As always it depends on the individuals in a given relationship and what they want and expect from it.

If we put their utility to side for one moment, I can see the attraction of one, especially for a man, because it formalises the surrender of his orgasm and in that sense adds another layer of fantasy to the game.

You can laugh (and probably will if the idea of a contract doesn’t resonate with you), but it’s almost like having a “law” which your wife or girlfriend can “enforce”. Don’t underestimate the power of a male chastity contract to thrill and titillate your man.

But they have real utility, too, especially in the early days of the game when perhaps the woman (in particular) is unsure of herself – she has an (almost) objective and mutually agreed set of rules she can use to guide her own responses and actions, which can be helpful particularly when she’s having some hard‐to‐cope‐with emotional reactions to her man’s seeming discomfort, distress and sexual needs.

I’ve found, though, that after a while it perhaps becomes unnecessary and even restrictive. You find yourself either having to break or modify the contract (unless you write it so it allows wide discretionary powers in the first place). Again, there’s nothing wrong with this and for some people it’s going to work fabulously and even add to their pleasure.

My gut feeling, and I stress I tend to try not to think with my gut because it’s a notoriously bad thinker in all of us, is generally going to be more commonly used where there’s an element of dominance and submission. It just has that kind of flavour, and I know this isn’t always going to be the case because John and I have one, yet we aren’t into the BDSM element at all.

And, of course, some people are against the idea of a male chastity contract at all. They feel it’s too restrictive and limits the woman’s choices – and if she’s got control, why is she limited by contract?

Again, I agree. Hence my comments about how ours has largely been forgotten and can be boiled down to those two marvellous words I mentioned.

Ultimately it just depends on what you want and what you feel about it. If you want a male chastity contract, have one. If you’re worried about what to put in it and looking for the “right way” to do it, then you’re already falling into the trap set for you by the Chastity Taliban.

It’s your contract and governs how you and your partner will interact with each other, so you write it any way you like. I do know some people like it to read as if it was written by a lawyer, full of words like heretofore, thereinafter and first party of the second part, and while I think that’s a bit silly (I think it’s silly in real contracts, too, because there’s no reason not to write legal documents in plain English), it’s entirely up to you.

What I do caution you against (men and women but especially the men) is just writing one and plonking it down in front of your partner, thinking this is going to count as a “gentle introduction” to your desire for playing this kinky game.

I promise you, it almost certainly isn’t going to get you the response you want. For one thing, your male chastity contract will most likely be viewed as a list of demands, and, if this is the first thing they’ve ever heard about it, they’re going to be pretty damned strange ones at that.

Remember: in law a contract has to meet three criteria before it can be considered legally binding: it has to have full disclosure, consideration, and consent (I’ll be including a copy of the male chastity contract John and I have in the forthcoming Ultimate Guide).

So discuss terms and give her (or him) time to think things over. Oh, what a surprise… we’re talking about the need for lots of open, honest and clear communication again.

How boring!

So to answer the question, “do I need a male chastity contract” all I can really answer is if you think you do or you think you don’t, you’re entirely correct.

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