Male Chastity FAQ
This Male Chastity FAQ Answers Probably 90% of the Questions I Get Most Commonly Asked.
Statistically, that means whatever question you’re thinking of asking me it’s more likely than not I’ve already answered it.
Important: if You Ask Me a Question and I've Already Answered It In This Male Chastity FAQ You Won't Get a Reply
In other words, your not getting a reply to your message is A Big Clue.
The questions and answers in this FAQ are a mixture of general questions about male chastity and specific ones about me and John and how we live the lifestyle. The questions in this are in no particular order (this is deliberate).
Male Chastity FAQ 1. I have a question you might have already answered on the Blog, but...
First, read this FAQ. Then read the Blog. All of it.
Still not found the answer?
Well, then, and only then, is it worth sending me a message (and only if you’re a newsletter reader or BCWYWF owner).
Seriously, if you can’t be bothered to read what I’ve already spent time writing, then I really can’t be bothered replying to you.
When you’ve done that, then you should elect to receive my free male chastity guide – because you also get a weekly newsletter and that’s where I answer the questions you ask me. I hate to keep repeating this, but probably 90% of the questions I get asked I’ve already answered and it’s up to you to check out the resources before clamouring for my attention.
Male Chastity FAQ 2. We enjoy doing ‘X’. Is this OK?
Yes. If you both consent, then it’s fine.
No one else has a say.
It’s your life.
Male Chastity FAQ 3. How can I convince my partner to embrace the male chastity lifestyle?
The short answer is… you can’t.
A longer answer is never mind the damage the hype and fantasy you’ll read about in Blogs and Forums can do to your plans, facts and information won’t help – to be convinced, they need to convince themselves, and, to do that, they’ve got to experience it and feel it happening.
So, show them, don’t just tell them. Take it slowly and carefully and realise it’s not like poking your eye out or losing a limb — if you get something wrong, it’s not important unless you get into a tizzy and make it important.
The main thing is to start gently, with small baby-steps.
She will generally come round to the idea rapidly, once she starts experiencing the benefits for herself.
I cover this in the free guide. If you haven’t elected to receive it, please do so now because I go into much more detail there.
Male Chastity FAQ 4. My wife is making me do this... I don’t like it and I have no choice... I'm in a permanent chastity belt... what can I do?
You always have a choice, no one makes you wear a belt and there is no such thing as a permanent chastity belt. Any of them no matter how well made and out of whatever material can be cut off. Simple.
Stop wasting my time with this silliness.
Male Chastity FAQ 5. No, but really... she says she’ll divorce me if I don’t do it!
Then find yourself another wife.
The one you have really isn’t worth your time. You deserve better.
Now… go away!
Male Chastity FAQ 6. Such and such is a really hot fantasy... should we do it?
I don’t know. Should you?
I don’t know you or your personal circumstances, and I don’t know your partner, either. So I can’t possibly even begin to guess what the results might be if you engage your fantasies, no matter what they are.
What I can tell you, though, is almost any decision you make while in a highly emotional state is unlikely to be a good one. When you are emotional, you are not thinking logically – which means the rational and often predictable consequences of your actions will be hidden from you.
If you do make the right decision, it will be more by luck than by judgement. And, in general, the hotter the fantasy, the more extreme it tends to be. Which means it’s even more important to think about it dispassionately.
My advice is to discuss the fantasy when you’re both calm and unlikely to get hot and bothered – perhaps after you’ve just made love and you’ve both had your orgasms.
Ultimately, though, make your own choices. Just realise you reap what you sow, and some things really can’t be undone.
Male Chastity FAQ 7. Do we need a device to play at male chastity?
If you think you do, then you do.
On the other hand, if you think you don’t, then you don’t.
Many couples very successfully use the “Honour” system (including John and me on many occasions).
If it works for you both, then there’s your answer.
If it doesn’t… well… figure it out.
Male Chastity FAQ 8. Do we need to have a “chastity contract” in place?
See the question above.
Male Chastity FAQ 9. What’s the best male chastity device for me/my husband to wear?
The short answer is I don’t know.
It’s a bit like asking what’s the best kind of car… a Land Rover or a Rolls Royce.
And so the long answer is… it depends.
If you want to go off-road and ford deep rivers, then a Land Rover would be a better choice than a Rolls; but if you’re looking for luxury transport to impress a visiting Diplomat, then you’d probably be better going for a Rolls.
Not only that, but different men’s bodies react in different ways to the same devices. John found the CB3000 useless, because it was very uncomfortable and, worst of all, didn’t stop him masturbating orgasm. But I know at least one man who finds the CB3000 comfortable and effective for pretty much 24/7 wear.
The first Lori, a beautiful piece of work, simply caused him to swell up with oedema. No fault whatsoever with the device, the quality, or Lori herself. It just didn’t suit John.
And then there are full belts, like the Tollyboy (which John had before), the Neosteel and the Latowski, to name but three.
Each has its advantages and disadvantages.
In general I think it’s safe to say a full belt tends to be more secure than a simple device (with the exception of the Loris, which are very secure). The belts are also more expensive, in the main.
Ultimately, though, you won’t know what works for you unless you give something a try. It probably makes sense to start off (relatively) cheap and simple, say with something like a CB3000 and then see how that works.
If it does what you want it to do, then fine; if not, you may have to think again.
Bottom line: suck it and see. There is no other way.
Male Chastity FAQ 10. How long should I make my husband wait?
It’s up to you. There are no rules about this.
Generally, though it probably needs to be long enough for him to be serious about wanting to orgasm, and then a little longer on top. Otherwise, what’s the point in doing it?
How long this is varies from man to man. Some claim they are climbing the walls within a week; others take a month or more.
On the whole, the younger a man is, the faster he’s going to start going “stir crazy”.
Male Chastity FAQ 11. I’m thinking of buying such-and-such a device. When should I give my wife the keys?
I don’t know.
Please get into your head this is all just a game. I know there’s a certain thrill in giving the keys to her (and there’s a similar thrill in receiving them, too), but it’s not like hacking off a limb or poking out an eyeball.
You can ask for the keys back if it’s really not working for you or you have to get out for some reason – accident, emergency, pain, or whatever.
In any case, unless you’ve been really stupid and gone into this without thinking it through, you’ll have established some ground-rules, and one of them will undoubtedly include some kind of “safe word”. And you need to get used to the device, too. All this takes time and patience.
I cover this more fully in the free male chastity guide.
Male Chastity FAQ 12. Do you offer a chastity keyholding service?
Male Chastity FAQ 13. Do you offer online training?
Male Chastity FAQ 14. Can we chat on IM, MSN, Skype or something?
Male Chastitiy FAQ 15. Do you cuckold John?
No. We are monogamous and are staying that way.
Male Chastity FAQ 16. Yeah, but would John like to watch me fucking you?
Actually, he probably would.
But since I get a say in this, too, it’s not going to happen.
Male Chastity FAQ 17. So he’d like to be humiliated then but you’re not into it?
No, that’s not what I said. Watching me with another man would be erotic for him, not humiliating.
But since I get a say in this, too, it’s not going to happen.
Please, go away now.
Male Chastity FAQ 18. Would you like to share strategies, tips, techniques and experiences with me?
Anything I’m prepared to share, I share on the Blog or in the various Guides I’ve written and am writing, and in the Newsletter (In fact, in the Newsletter I frequently give very detailed and explicit accounts of tease and denial sessions and so on. Join the Newsletter if this kind of thing interests you)
I don’t ever get into discussing these things by one-to-one correspondence.
Apart from anything else, I don’t know who you are and people seem to be getting creepier by the day (see this recent post about a complete basket case, and the comments). Really — I get emails all the time from men pretending to be women, asking me for tips on how to tease their men.
Male Chastity FAQ 19. What kind of punishment/reward system do you use?
I don’t. We don’t practice male submission/female domination.
I don’t use sex or orgasms as currency. I find that tends to cause more problems than it solves in a relationship.
If it works for you, then fine.
Male Chastity FAQ 20. What device does John wear?
He is currently in a Lori #2. He wears is more or less 24/7.
You can see it in the picture on the right.
He’s a keen cyclist and fitness nut, but the Lori doesn’t get in the way of wearing it.
Male Chastitiy FAQ 21. How long do you deny John for?
At the moment he’s on a year’s orgasm denial. We began on January 3, 2014 and he won’t be having another orgasm until New Year’s Eve 2015.
When he is allowed out to orgasm, we have what we call “chastity honeymoons” where John gets to orgasm as often as he likes for two or three days before being denied again.
Otherwise I keep my husband in chastity — very, very strict and uncompromising male chastity and orgasm denial. It’s how we both like it.
Male Chastity FAQ 22. Are you a Domme and do you make John...?
No. Our male chastity is confined to just that: my consensual control of John’s orgasms. That’s it.
He’s not my maid, slave or sissy. He’s my husband.
We’re not even in a female-led relationship (if anything, it’s the reverse).
If you have trouble understanding or accepting this, then please read the entire Blog, the free guide and all the Newsletters at least twice. I’ve been over it so many times I’m not going to do it again.
Male Chastity FAQ 23. How do you punish John when he...?
See the question above.
Male Chastity FAQ 24. Will you write some posts on how John pleases you and all that dirty stuff?
Yes. No. Probably.
I don’t know.
I don’t have a particularly strong objection to it, but something doesn’t really sit quite right with me about it. Perhaps I’m old fashioned.
But more than that, this blog is about male chastity, not sex per se. I imagine everyone reading it has probably had sex at some point, or at least knows how to go about it.
What’s more, you can get that kind of stuff anywhere and almost everywhere, and I really want to keep this Blog unique and rather more cerebral… and talking about male chastity.
I might put the odd post in from time to time; or perhaps I’ll write it as fiction, weave our real-life bedroom gymnastics into a story.
Having said that, and much to my surprise, I’ve discovered many men and women genuinely don’t know how to please each other if intercourse is denied them. I get a lot of messages asking me for personal advice. Sadly, since I can’t tell who’s genuine and who’s just in it for the titillation, I don’t get into that by email.
I am in the middle of writing a “sex guide” for genuinely interested people, as well as a full and comprehensive Male Chastity Guide. Both will complement the free male chastity guide. I suggest you elect to receive the free guide and my newsletter, because that’s the easiest and most reliable way for me to keep you updated on progress.
Update: I’ve now started posting detailed accounts of my tease and denial sessions with John in the Newsletter.
Male Chastity FAQ 25. When are you going to post pictures of John?
When and if he says I can.
Please understand, this to us is a sexy game we play out over a period of time. It’s not a D&S lifestyle thing where I tell John what to do and mico-manage his very existence.
And it’s not like those silly duets you find where Goddess Lowselfesteem makes Sissyfartpants post his indignities, or gives him/her/it “permission” to use the computer.
We live a normal life. We run our business, we have work to do, family to feed, yadda yadda yadda. John just happens to wear a chastity device most of the time because it spices up a very special part of our lives together.
Male Chastity FAQ 26. Do you want to see some pictures of me?
Male Chastity FAQ 27. When is John going to post his experiences?
When he decides to.
Q 28.Are you a man pretending to be a woman? Or maybe you’re really ugly and fat? Is John a Martian? I’ve never seen you in the same room as Barak Obama! Is that why you don’t post pictures of yourself and of John? When did you stop beating your husband?
Sigh… last time I checked I was a woman. Ugly would depend on your opinion. John may well be from Mars, but if he is, he’s still the most wonderful man I have ever met.
A very few people who read and comment on the Blog know my true identity. They have become friends.
Sarah is my real name, although my last name is a pseudonym. Anything else you want to know about me you can find on the “Who is Sarah?” page, or you can simply ask. I don’t promise I’ll tell you what you want to know, but you can ask.
People who ask these kinds of questions are generally seeking to discredit me, personally, in some way rather than discredit my arguments and points, especially those about domination, female-superiority and other contentious subjects beloved of the Chastity Taliban.
If I was going to make something up, it would make far more sense to write porn and titillating stuff, would it not? What would be the point in writing a dry and hype-free Blog?
I find it all really quite tiresome; and if it’s really bothering you, go and read another Blog or Forum, or get a hobby or something.
Male Chastity FAQ 29. Do You Write Male Chastity Stories?
I am also in the process of writing some fictional chastity stories based on the “Hell’s Gate” theme. Read the newsletter for details.
End of Male Chastity FAQ.