Male Chastity Games - Yea or Nay?

by Sarah on July 11, 2010

I was reading recently about male chastity games and how they can lend a bit of spice to the relationship and give your poor man a little bit of hope. I’m also asked about them quite frequently, too – specifically, do John and I play them, and if we do, what games do we play.

Sad to say, because it disappoints many, I don’t play them any more. I used to in the beginning, but for reasons I’ll explain below, I stopped.

However, I do think they have their place, and for John and me they served a very important purpose, albeit one I felt we grew out of.

Let me explain first why I think they’re probably very useful for anyone beginning the lifestyle; and then I’ll talk about why we stopped.

Just so we all know what I mean when I talk about male chastity games, I’m talking about games of skill or chance where the reward for winning for the man is an immediate orgasm or one at some pre‐determined time in the future.

This is a very general definition I’m and just bear in mind if you have a different definition, then more power to you.

So you might say something like “if the die falls on an odd number you get to come tonight, if you don’t then we’ll try again next week”; or “the number you roll with the die is the number of months you’re going to wait for your next orgasm”. Things like that.

And there’s no doubt male chastity games can be a hell of a lot of fun.

They’re exciting to play (the look on your hubby’s face when he loses is priceless), and can take the pressure off women who are new to the lifestyle and still have some trouble being strong enough to say “no” when their man is begging and pleading for release (remember, he wants release, but he craves  denial).

Don’t underestimate the benefit of relieving this pressure, either (if you’ll forgive the analogy). For a woman to “enforce” denial on her man can be hard in the beginning because it flies in the face of everything we’ve learned over the years. Hitherto, a woman who did this would be lambasted as a “prick tease” and often verbally or even physically bullied by her man, being told it’s “dangerous” for him not to orgasm once you’ve got him going.

Male chastity games can help us break out of that mindset – the responsibility, if you like, of allowing or denying the release is distanced from her and can be “blamed” on random chance.

The irony is, as things progress, the very thing making these games so attractive become the very reason for stopping them – at least, this is what happened with me and with other women I’ve corresponded with about this.

For me, the pleasure of the game is not just the pleasure of John’s increased attention and the added intimacy but also the pleasure of pleasing John. And as with most men (or so it seems) the deepest pleasure comes from the perceived lack of control.

And while it’s true he wants release but craves denial, the meta‐pleasure, if we may use the phrase, behind this is often that he not only wants no choice, but he actually wants that choice to be made by you.

And playing male chastity games means you, his keyholder, actually relinquish your power and put the decision in the hands of random chance.

So we found after a while the games were less enjoyable because they interfered with the power exchange – put another way, if the die says he can orgasm in two weeks’ time, then perhaps there’s no incentive to do anything but wait for  that to come around. If you’re dishing out orgasms as some kind of reward, then male chastity games might be somewhat counterproductive.

We personally prefer it when I have full control. Typically it’s three months between orgasms for John, and that’s my decision. But now he’s waiting until Christmas at the earliest – and that’s my decision, too.

And, it may be I’ll extend Christmas until the Summer solstice 2011, which will make it over 13 months.

Guess what?

Yup, that’s my decision. Experience shows our being constrained by the roll of a die or whatever else would diminish that pleasure for both of us.

Of course this is just what works for us. And, to be fair, I sort of played something similar with John last night, although it was less of a game of chance and more a game of brinkmanship and self‐control (I’m going to do something I almost never do and go into some gory details in Friday’s newsletter, so if you want to read it, you’ll have to get on the list).

Bottom line: if male chastity games work for you both short term and long term, then that’s all fine and dandy – remember, the only rule is there are no rules save the ones you make for yourselves.

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