Male Chastity, Independence and Liberty

by Sarah on July 4, 2010

What better topic for today than male chastity and liberty?

And while I remember: I hope all my American readers and friends have a super Independence Day and, in particular in these dark days remember the 1st and 2nd Amendments (since the 2nd is paramount in ensuring the 1st).

Human sexuality fascinates me. If you can imagine an alien looking down at us as we carouse, cavort, cum and cuckold, he (for want of a more appropriate pronoun) would be utterly bemused, I suspect. Indeed, if we look at it ourselves objectively it’s all rather ridiculous – the grunting, the groaning, the sweating, the faces we pull, the things we say, the positions we get ourselves into… and all in the name of what?

Well, we all know why we do it, but it’s practically impossible to explain. If you know it, you don’t need it explaining; if you don’t, explanation is useless. The specific and very esoteric kink of male chastity is no different, of course.

And we can’t afford to underestimate the sheer power of our sexuality. It’s no coincidence that one of the fundamental concepts in the religions of the world is controlling our sexuality, because that, in turn, makes it much easier to control us. It’s hard to force happy, contented people to do what you want them to do – and organised religion really is about control.

Governments are no different, either. The state of Texas is cheerfully making a total arse of itself in its bid to take the crown of Most Backward and Mediaeval State in the Union with its attempt to outlaw sodomy (which includes oral sex), and to make same-sex marriage a criminal offence (at the same time it’s taking a revisionist position on history, and a stone-age view of science in its school textbooks. Way to go, asshats).

To me it beggars belief that the state – and I mean any state – can have the temerity to assume it has the right to control what its citizens do to and with their own bodies. This obviously includes sex with consenting adults, but also includes drugs and, ultimately, the right to commit suicide with or without assistance. It also includes male chastity.

That’s a given, wouldn’t you say?

You’d think so, yes. But there are still those out there who think it’s “wrong”. Some think it’s just inhuman and unnatural (it’s no more or less unnatural than condoms, vinyl records or shoes); others think male chastity is actually degrading and demeaning. On a forum recently a host of ignorant bigots simply couldn’t get their heads around the idea it’s consensual and has nothing to do with not trusting your man to be faithful, preventing masturbation or being a “control freak” (the thread was closed by an administrator when I asked the Chief Bigot some difficult questions).

Of course, a fairly secure belt or device will stop your man fucking around and masturbating, but this “prevention” is put in place with his consent. It’s part of a game.

And, it’s a choice.

It’s always a choice

And male chastity being a choice means… ta-da… you have the right to choose it! It means you have the right to want it, without having to explain or “justify” that want to anyone, and you have the right to ask for it.

Yes, the person you ask also has the right not to play the game with you, but that in turn means you then have the right to pursue your desires elsewhere.

And he or she cannot reasonably stand in your way.

The moment you start letting other people’s opinions and feelings dictate your actions, you’ve given away your power. No one’s rights are being infringed when consenting adults perform any act with each other.

No matter how disgusting or perverted it might seem to you, or how dangerous and damaging it might seem to them, it’s none of your business. And by allowing their disapproval and disgust to influence you into changing your behaviour, you give them power over you.

Paradoxically or perhaps ironically the best relationships are those where you’re both independent. You’re together because you want to be together. And if the other one ran off with someone else, you know you’d survive and wouldn’t go chasing after them like so needy adolescent. And you both know this about each other.

So, if you want male chastity… now would be a good day to take a hint and reclaim your independence… and ask for what you want.

You might not get it, that’s true.

You might open a can of worms you really wish you hadn’t, because it’s always possible they’ll crawl into your relationship and eat it away from the inside. To them, male chastity might be a sign you’re weird, perverted and not the man or woman they want to be with. It’s unlikely, but it is possible.

It’s always a risk – but life is ultimately fatal anyway. No matter what you do in life, you can’t change the final outcome. All you can do is decide what you do between now and then.

If the risk of asking for what you really want scares you, then perhaps it might help to consider the risk the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence took when they put their names to paper.

For them the consequence of not getting what they wanted would have been to swing by the neck; for you, the very worst is going to be a realisation your current partner is not going to play the male chastity game you so, so desperately want to try.

You may be willing to give it up; and then, you may not be. That’s a choice only you can make.

And I promise you one thing: you won’t lie on your deathbed and groan, “I wish I’d spent less time being happy”.

Previous post:

Next post: