The Male Chastity Lifestyle and Fixing Your Marriage

by Sarah on May 30, 2010

Some people claim a male chastity lifestyle can fix a bad marriage and make it work.

I suppose this is possible, but I think it’s highly unlikely. I think it’s much more likely to be the other way around – that is, the marriage is already sound and you’re happy enough with one another… but you’re perhaps not quite content.

John tells me his desire for orgasm control goes back a long, long way to when he was 12 or 13, when he first used to fantasise about one of his friend’s mothers slowly teasing him to an eventual if torturous orgasm. It was his first wank‐fantasy and as you’d expect wasn’t terribly sophisticated or complex (not that it needs to be when you’re a 13 year‐old boy and have a non‐stop erection).

Over time, as John got older wiser and far more experienced the fantasy grew with him until today it’s fully‐fledged gilt‐edged male chastity lifestyle he dropped on me about 2½ years ago.

So what point am I making here?

Well, the point is of two perspectives: his, and yours.

From his, things have come to some kind of head or fruition and he can’t keep silent any longer. For him, he’s at a point where it’s shit or bust.

But for you… well, you don’t know what the fuck it is. One day you’re muddling on through life as best you can; and the next you have something dropped in your lap that looks for all the world like a bomb with the potential to destroy everything you have with the man you love.

I’m not joking or exaggerating. This isn’t just how I saw it in those first few moments – many, many women have experienced more or less the same thing. And more experience it with every passing day, I should imagine.

Now, take a step back and imagine a relationship hanging together by a thread, weathering the storms of the passing years on a wing and a prayer… and all of a sudden the at best tolerated and at worst despised husband reveals his desire for a male chastity lifestyle, along with all it implies: more sex, more intimacy, doing more of everything together. Rekindling the lust and passion, back to the early nights and late mornings. Hot, sweaty no‐holds‐barred fucking and dirty, filthy alley‐cat weekends away.

None of that is going to bode well for a happy future for anyone, methinks.

And, of course, while lack of sex in a relationship can be a big problem, it’s not usually the problem. It’s usually symptomatic of something else, something much, much deeper. Sometimes the problem is lots of little ones, none of which are even terribly important, but which conspire to make one tangled mass of shit you can’t see a way through, over, under or around.

The male chastity goes a long way to solving the problem indirectly because in the same way intimacy can encourage sex, lots of sexual activity tends to breed intimacy. It can kick us out of the rut we’re in and start fixing the problems that have made the lack of sex a problem all of its own.

Sex is a bit like hunger. Men are always hungry and if they can’t get a gourmet meal they’ll settle for whatever they can find in the fridge; we women are a little more discerning and like to be wined and dined and savour every mouthful. So when it comes to the humdrum routine of everyday life, the effort required to make such a spread is too much, so he’ll satisfy himself with the sexual equivalent of a cheeseburger and take himself off for quick wank. And the male chastity lifestyle, to continue the metaphor, is often his way of trying to get back to a sensible diet.

This is why his focus on the male chastity lifestyle is primarily sexual with the myth that your trading sex as a currency is the key to a happy relationship.

And really, it’s not. Yes, there are exceptions, men who like to be treated like dirt and women who like to treat them that way, but that’s the point: they are exceptions. That’s why they draw so much comment and attention.

I’m now getting a lot of email from people reading the free guide all asking in effect the same question: “my wife and I, blah blah blah… will locking me in a chastity belt help?”.

And you’re asking the wrong person!

You should be having this conversation with your wife not me! I can share with you the broad spectrum of pleasure and benefits I’ve experienced myself, or others have shared with me, but when it comes down to living the male chastity lifestyle with your partner, I know nothing about you, your relationship, your wife’s personality and desires or anything else about her.

I don’t have those answers for you. Nor does anyone else.

Because the only place you’ll find them is in communication, negotiation and dialogue with each other.

Even if you decide you really can’t find a way forward and need professional help from a marriage counsellor, that first step is still one only you two can decide to take together.

This is why, in the free Guide, I take great pains in the first few parts to encourage you to decide what you want, gather your facts, and communicate your wants and needs, and listen to hers.

The male chastity lifestyle is the icing on the cake… and you really do need to have the cake there first.

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