Male Chastity, Marriage and Keeping a Clear Head

by Sarah on June 3, 2010

Most of the emails I get about male chastity, marriage and all the stuff around them  are inane, ill-thought out and, as you’re almost certainly aware by now, fantasy, nonsense and complete bullshit. And I tend to ignore them (or, in some cases send a terse and occasionally scathing response).

But occasionally I get a real gem.

And one such comes from A. He clearly has a sane grasp of the reality of what he’s asking for, has discussed it with his wife, and (as if that wasn’t enough to make us swoon in wonder all by itself) has taken on board her concerns and is actually thinking them through.

In that respect it’s a model email, and I sincerely wish more people displayed the same kind of common-sense approach to male chastity, marriage, and, indeed, life in general.

I’m tempted to quote the entire email, but the first bit would add nothing to the post and would serve only to boost my ego (he says some utterly wonderful things about the Blog. I always enjoy getting messages of praise. I’m a woman, so what else did you expect?).

Anyway, aside from the sincere praise, the first thing to get my attention was this:

… fortunately I’ve sobered up enough to realize that fantasy and fact are two different things and a true and meaningful chaste lifestyle is like all aspects of marriage in the sense that there’s ups and downs.”

How profoundly sensible. Here is a man who Gets It. And if ever I found myself struggling to find motivation to write the Blog, reading this paragraph alone would fill me with renewed vigour and get my little pinkies stabbing away at the keyboard.

Now, I’m sure many people reading this, perhaps new visitors who’ve just found me on Google and are hoping for something to titillate them and give them the urge to caress their one-eyed throbbing haemorrhoid of love will be seriously disappointed at his refreshingly rational and realistic view of male chastity.

After all, it’s so… boring, pedestrian and simply ordinary isn’t it?

But the fact is, you’ll find with male chastity, marriage or any other relationship is pretty much like your life is now on the whole. Yes, it can add spice to your relationship, and that can make things seem rosier all round; but as I wrote last week a male chastity marriage isn’t a cure-all and certainly won’t transform your lives together if something’s already broken. Look upon it as polish on an old car: if the car’s rusty, broken down and falling apart, polish ain’t gonna do much for it.

And the message gets even better:

… I’ve ordered a CB after discussing it with my wife and I’m now eagerly anticipating its arrival. The problem is that my wife isn’t at all keen about the whole idea and she’s listed 3 main objections.

Neither of us wants to embark on a journey that we’ll later regret and so I’m asking for your response to her questions not only to assuage her doubts but to also to be sure myself that I’m doing the right thing and not once again falling prey to my fantasies.”

Lordy, you mean he’s actually thinking about this and not rushing headlong into some silly venture  doomed to failure?

He then goes on to ask me the questions, and I’ll answer those specifically and individually in my next post.

But right now I just wanted to draw attention to the sheer sanity in this man’s approach to the concept of a male chastity marriage. In contrast, the typical approach, or at least the approach of the majority of people emailing me with questions, is from a very emotional and (often then consequentially) unrealistic viewpoint.

Typically these men (for so far it is exclusively men who’ve written to me in this way), tell me of their plans to be locked up 24/7 virtually from Day One while their wives (some of whom haven’t even been told of their husband’s desire for a male chastity marriage yet, let alone put their seal of approval on the idea), go out and fuck other men, yadda yadda yadda.

Some of them are typically sad keyboard-jockeys, I’m sure; but some I suspect really do think this is going to happen for them, just like it does in the movies (well, you know what I mean).

I hate to piss on your party hat, guys, but it’s not. And if it does, there’s a very good chance you’re going to freak out and end up with a screaming divorce rather than a sublime male chastity marriage.

As I wrote recently to a (in my opinion), seriously deluded and emotionally over-wrought correspondent who doesn’t yet even have a device but is already talking about going for 24/7 chastity, orgasm denial and cuckolding:

Here’s a tip: stop reading Internet blogs and forums about male chastity for a week (including mine) and spend that time just thinking about it, writing your thoughts down in a journal and talking them over with your wife.

Do you really think it’s a good idea to have your wife ‘actively seeking other men’? How are you going to feel while she’s out there fucking them while you’re sitting at home just wondering?

It’s not just sex, you know. They won’t just be fucking. They’ll be cuddling, kissing, caressing, whispering in each other’s ears… all those things you used to do, probably don’t do so much any more, and if you’re locked up ‘24/7’ won’t be doing again.

Good luck with that.

Seems to me like you’re reading a lot of the B.S. out there and imagining it’s a. real; and b. going to relate to your own life.

I strongly recommend get both of those notions out of your head.”

I’m not saying cuckolding doesn’t work in a male chastity marriage, because for some couples it clearly does; but I bet few if any of those went into it without a lot of talking about it first.

You’re playing with dynamite.

Sure, explosives can be handled safely. But they can still blow up in the face of even the most careful and experienced expert.

Even without going to the extreme of cuckolding, embarking on a male chastity marriage starts stirring up some serious emotions. It’s bound to, since it’s such a sexual thing.

So the time to be making decisions that might well affect your entire marriage and the rest of your life, is not when your dick is quivering at the thought of being locked away 24/7 while another bloke slides himself balls-deep into your wife.

Perhaps the best time to talk about it all is in the post-coital and post-orgiastic glow, when you’re mellow, relaxed and loving and not your dick’s helpless little puppet (research has indeed shown that men’s moral compass does tend to become somewhat skewed when they’re feeling horny).

Yes, you’re still feeling some emotions, perhaps, like love and tenderness, but they’re not especially passionate and are more likely to push you in a safe direction than an unsafe one.

So please. Keep calm and be sensible, just like the good Mr A.

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