Male Chastity Punishment and Why John Had To Suffer

by Sarah on May 18, 2010

OK, ok, so you want to know why I meted out male chastity punishment to John. I’ve had about a dozen messages about it, plus a couple of people asking in their comments.

The answer is fairly mundane, but somewhat amusing and ironic.

But before I get to that, I want to explore the entire subject further, because it seems to be causing some confusion and indeed consternation, especially when it comes to my claim not to be a Domme or John’s Mistress.

On one level it really does come down to semantics, and I don’t really see the point in getting into that because ultimately it comes down to subjective opinion, at which point the only thing you can do is shrug and let people get on with it.

Punishment is predicated on authority, and in the context of male chastity punishment is necessarily consensual. So if it’s consensual, it can’t be punishment in the literal sense of the word. But it’s handy to call it that because it’s simply a handy label. More to the point, within the rules of the game, then some things you can do really are punishment.

I mean, when your man is begging for you to let him orgasm and you say, “no!” and lock him back up again leaving him frustrated, is that punishment? Because in one respect, that’s what he wants since that’s the game you’re playing; but in another, it’s not because when he’s begging to come, he really, really means it (I’ve written more about this in the free male chastity guide).

So it’s fair to say that within the rules of the game it’s male chastity punishment, but in the wider context of your lives together it’s not, because that’s what you’ve both agreed on.

The same would be true of, say, caning, which is something John is willing to try (probably keen if not actually eager if truth be told). There’s no doubt it’d hurt, and I know the point is you don’t stop just because your man is begging you to. I’ve got mixed feelings about it, since I can’t see the point in doing it unless you do it seriously, and that’s not really a part of myself I want to start poking with a stick at the moment because I might not like what comes spitting and snarling out of the dark recesses of my psyche.

To my way of thinking, if you’re going to cane someone’s arse as male chastity punishment, then it doesn’t start until he’s at the limit of what he can stand. Then you take him firmly and lovingly beyond it. So, maybe for the future, I don’t know.

The ruined orgasm is perfect, though, since it pretty much spoils everything for him without actually ruining the game as a whole (and I strongly recommend you read the fabulous comments added by Robert, Pet and others – they know far more about it than I do, obviously).

And it works so well because you’re still playing within the rules of the game.

Another male chastity punishment is simply to let him orgasm every time you have any kind of sexual contact, deny him denial, if you like, even if you keep him locked up. On the face of it, this seems like capitulation because he’s going to be happy about it.

But he won’t be happy for long because he’s not getting the long-term benefits and thrills he wants; and he can’t complain you’re not playing the game, because you are: orgasm control means just that and while you might not be entering into the spirit of the game, you’re sticking to the letter. That’s pretty soon going to piss him off.

Finally, we have the ultimate sanction: give him his keys back and refuse to play the game at all. This isn’t something I’ve ever threatened, simply because I’ve never had to, but I know women who have.

As male chastity punishment goes, this is outside the rules of the game, because you’re ending the game itself, or at least telling him if his unacceptable behaviour continues that’s what’s going to happen.

On the face of it, this seems like sour grapes perhaps, but I can easily see how this is the only sensible answer to a man who insists on topping from the bottom when he’s given you explicit and total control.

As an aside, to answer obliquely a common question, which is in effect “how long should I lock him up the first time?”, I’ve come round to the way of thinking if your man wants to play this game and is adamant he wants you to have control and for you to have it in the long-term, you’re perhaps wise to ask him to prove his commitment by agreeing to a very long period of denial, say six months to a year.

You’re unlikely to be able to do this immediately, but you can make it plain that’s the goal, and draw up a plan to achieve it as quickly as possible. At the moment, John and I are looking at a full year once his Tollyboy belt arrives (don’t get me started!).

Such a long period is not male chastity punishment per se; rather it’s a simple way to make your life easier in the long run. It’s not about domination, either: you’re simply being assertive and saying, “If you want me to play the game, these are the rules I’m prepared to play by”. He’s then free to agree or disagree. It’s also a good idea to detail what male chastity punishment you’ll dish out if he breaks the rules.

The wonderful thing is (and you men will hate me for revealing this about you ;-)), certainly in the beginning, your man almost certainly wants this more than you do. That may well change as you begin to reap the benefits and experience the pleasure, but your man has been thinking, dreaming, and fantasising about this for a long time in one way or another .

It’s not too far wide of the mark to say he’s probably obsessed and desperate for it. He might back off and agonise and keep being drawn to it like a moth to a candle flame, but he will not be able to resist, ultimately. So stick to your guns: “a year or nothing. Take it like a man.” 😉

In general, I tend to think if you need to punish, something’s gone wrong somewhere, and male chastity punishment is no different. I’m talking about what you might call real punishment here, like refusing to play the game, ruined orgasm or something like that (unless you just do it for fun, which can also be… fun…). I’d class orgasm denial and even severe caning to be less punishment and more part of the game itself. You mileage may vary – semantics again, I suppose.

And this is why I recommend you set the ground rules right upfront – it goes a long way to avoiding this kind of problem and the need for male chastity punishment entirely.

P.S. And at last, why I treated John to his ruined orgasm. It was early on in our experimentation and he was annoying me by calling me “Mistress” when I’d told him not to. What made it even more annoying was he didn’t do it for any other reason than he wanted to annoy me: we’d established at that point we weren’t getting into a D&S relationship.

And it got to the point when I was about to make him come and he used that fucking word again… so I just stopped what I was doing, slipped him out of me and just straddled him without comment, giving him one of those looks.

Unfortunately for him it was right at the point of no return and since I had his arms pinned above his head, he wasn’t easily able to touch himself and avoid the ruined orgasm. He did try to enter me again but I just raised myself out of reach, treating him to a wicked smile. I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of male chastity punishment he was suffering at the time, but I knew he was suffering, and that was good enough for me.

I confess, writing about it has me wickedly horny again.

Oh, the temptation… just because I can…

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