What If Male Chastity Really Isn't Her Thing?

by Sarah on June 12, 2010

Something came up recently which revealed male chastity isn’t always going to work out for some couples, never mind be a smooth ride.

I don’t want to go into detail, and my heart does go out to them both because I suspect it’s not pleasant at the moment for them. However the general point is worth covering, because I bet they’re not the first nor will they be the last to come up against this.

Quite simply, it’s possible you’re going to find your wife or girlfriend simply is not into the idea at all, and nothing you can say or do is going to change her mind. To her, it’s a closed book. End of story.

Now, I’m writing this chiefly from the male perspective simply because it usually is men who drive male chastity and seek to introduce it into their relationships (for example, going by the names of the people who elect to receive the free guide, the stats are roughly 90% men, 7% women, and 3% indeterminate).

If you’re a woman with the same problem I’m about to write about and you really can’t figure out how this post is relevant, drop me a line or leave a comment and I’ll write another post looking at it from the other side.

So, you’ve introduced idea, perhaps even started to play and you come up against a dead flat “no”.

What do you do?

Sadly, as is so often the case, I don’t have The Answer; in fact, I think The Answer (as is also so often the case) is an illusion. We have choices, that’s all. Male chastity is just one of them.

And every choice we make has consequences, and everything comes with a price. One of the consequences, and really part of the price, too, is by choosing one thing, we often exclude all others. If you choose to take a long weekend fishing in the mountains, you can’t then spend the same weekend surfing on the beach. Despite what the success “gurus” tell us, we can’t have it all.

This is both heartwarming and scary. It’s heartwarming because it means we can have pretty much anything we want so long as we’re prepared to pay the price for having it; it’s scary because the price can be very, very high.

As I wrote a few days ago, when I said no matter how you skirt around, hint at, and build up to the subject, at some point you have to open the can of worms and confess your desire for male chastity, whatever extreme or flavour you wish for, there’s an outside chance she’s going to freak or at least refuse to countenance even the idea of it.

Question is, what then?

It’s almost like an immovable object and an irresistible force. For some men it might be a passing fancy, a whim, and no big deal.

But for many it’s far, far more than that. From how John describes it, the only way I can put it into terms I’m familiar with as a woman, it’s like that burning desire, that inescapable need to have a baby (if you’ve felt it, you’ll know what I mean; if you haven’t, it’s impossible to explain).

But because we don’t feel that same urge for male chastity, it’s easy for us to discount it, to dismiss it as unimportant. And the easy way to do that is to heap scorn upon it, brand it as “dirty”, “perverted” and “strange”.

And yes, if we do that, he’ll drop the subject and we’ll think we’ve “won”.

But we haven’t. It won’t do away. He won’t stop wanting it and he will start to resent you for your cold heartedness and your seemingly uncaring attitude.

If you doubt the power of this desire for male chastity, this need in him to have his orgasms controlled reassert itself until it’s burning a hole right through his very being, just think of all those married gay men who finally, eventually admit their secret (often even to themselves for the first time) and follow their true nature. No one has worked harder to suppress their essential being than these men – and yet, it simply doesn’t work. It doesn’t go away and no good can come of it.

Yet the question remains: what then?

As I see it, there are three ways you can go.

First, you can ignore it, pretend you don’t feel the way you do and just carry on. Your wife or girlfriend will think she’s “won” and the whole male chastity thing can be safely pushed back into whatever dark, dirty and twisted little recesses of your mind your foetid ideas sprang from in the first place. Good luck with that. It’s not going to work, I think, but don’t let human nature stand in the way of wilful ignorance.

If a woman does this, then, ultimately, she shouldn’t be surprised if she finds herself single. I’d have sympathy for her, but it’s not as if she couldn’t have seen it coming.

Secondly, you can seek a middle way.

No bones about it: this is going to be really hard and there’s nothing for it but to try, try, and try again until you find some form, flavour or style of male chastity that works for both of you. Maybe you want her to control you all the time… but she can’t bear it for more than a month every six. That’s a choice. Is it better to have some of the loaf than none, or is only the whole loaf enough?

Again, The Answer is elusive and will probably be different for everyone. I wish I knew it, even assuming there is One True Way, because it’d mean I’d be both a lot richer and a lot smarter than I am.

The trouble is, while I can’t put myself in this frame of mind just as I can’t put myself in the same frame of mind as, say, a Biblical Literalist or a racist, it is possible there can be no middle way.

And I’d be the very last person on Earth to suggest to any woman she should lie back and think of England, and engage in male chastity, perhaps a practice she finds repellent, repugnant and, yes, perhaps even perverted. She feels how she feels, and she can’t help that. None of us can, not in the short term, anyway.

So, once more… what then?

As I see it there are now three more choices: pretend it’s not happening; separate so they can both pursue what they truly want in life; or let the man seek his pleasure outside the marriage with a professional Domme.

The first we’ve already covered. The second is extreme, but as I said above, there’s a price to be paid for everything. This may be the price you have to pay to live a male chastity lifestyle, and let’s not deceive ourselves into thinking it cannot possibly be that important to any man.

It can be and I bet it is to some.

And the third option?

Wow. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it – if John were to mess around with another woman there would be a brand new shallow grave in a remote wood somewhere with an dead female in it (clue: it wouldn’t be me).

But then compare “infidelity” with the horror of perhaps losing John because he needed something I wasn’t prepared to give him?

Fortunately I don’t have to worry about that. I count my blessings.

And in truth it’s hard to see how a pro Domme could scratch a man’s itch for male chastity without there being some element of sexuality in the transaction – it seems to be she couldn’t be a keyholder without it impacting the wife in some way.

Perhaps that would be OK for some women; perhaps it’d be OK for their men to be locked for a period of time so long as they didn’t have to become “involved” in it, although she’d then be deprived of the pleasures of his penis and could be so repulsed by the whole idea she wouldn’t want any other part of him near her while he’s locked.

I simply don’t know. I can’t know. Nor can anyone else.

What I do know is if your wife or girlfriend is dead set against male chastity, and it’s something you genuinely feel you can’t live without (and no one else is in a position to judge: you feel how you feel, and that’s that), you have a real problem on your hands.

And I really don’t envy you your task.

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