A common claim I’m seeing at the moment is in marriage male chastity is a guaranteed “lifesaver”. All you have to do is lock your husband’s cock up in a cage or stick him in a belt and everything in the garden will be rosy and you’ll both live happily ever after.
Sigh… sometimes it seems like I’m taking two steps forward and a dozen steps back with this whole endeavour. I’ve long-since learned you can lead a horse-to-water and all that, but I still hold the perhaps vain and irrational hope that people will learn.
But then… the evidence is all around us they don’t. If you Google things like “internet marketing” or “lose weight” you’ll get tens of thousands of results all promising you the secret keys to untold wealth and abundance, life, the universe and everything for just $19.97. It’s amazing to discover success is so simple.
Only… hang on a minute… if all the hype was true… why isn’t the world full of rich and skinny people?
And I’m afraid the idea that with marriage male chastity is a panacea to overcome any problem is just as bogus. Just look on the forums. I don’t consider them to be particularly reliable sources of information, but if you can wade your way through the silliness and read some of the more literate and cerebral posts, you’ll quickly find it’s bloody hard work.
It’s easy to say there’s more to a relationship than sex in just the same way it’s easy to say there’s more to life than money and more to attraction than good looks. But I notice (call me cynical if you like), these things aren’t actually that important unless you’re involuntarily celibate, poor, or feel unattractive. Then they become a very big deal indeed.
I’d not go so far as saying there has never been a marriage male chastity saved because we can never actually know but I suspect if it has, the marriage itself was fundamentally sound and pretty much all that was missing was the sex.
With most people sex comes and goes. The longer you’re married, the longer the gaps between plenty get. And if your marriage is otherwise good, then while it might niggle from time to time, if you’re generally satisfied with love and life, you can put up with it.
But when your relationship is bad, the missing sex becomes far, far more important. It’s a case of not only are you miserable with this person, but you’re not getting your leg-over either. It’s almost like adding insult to injury.
Now, I suspect with the first kind of marriage male chastity can and probably will help, unless one of you has some serious and fundamental objections to it for personal, moral, religious or other reasons. I guess they can be worked on, but ultimately if one of you is dead set against the idea it’s flogging a dead horse.
For the second kind, I think it’s not only going to fail to improve matters but is actually going to make them worse. Sex with someone you don’t like is awful. Yes, I’ve done it in previous relationships just to keep him happy — and there’s nothing more demeaning to both of you in my opinion than a sympathy fuck.
You both know it for what it is… and you both hate yourselves for it. I was a lot younger then, and it’s something I’d never, ever do again. Makes me want to shower just thinking about it.
So in a rocky marriage male chastity is setting up a scenario where your man is going to be hornier and more attentive than ever when that’s the last thing you actually want, and it’s going to be (to my mind) Hell on Earth.
You might think it’s a great idea locking him away because then you can avoid sex with him forever… but when you realise it has the opposite effect of what you want on his libido, you’re really going to be miserable.
And then he’ll be miserable, too, because by introducing it into your marriage male chastity is supposed to get you paying him more attention, too. There’s no such thing as a free lunch and unless you’re into the female-domination side of things and you’re both OK with treating him like a second class citizen, you have a serious responsibility to keep your half of the bargain.
So, whereas we tell the men “be careful what you wish for”, I think we should tell the women, “be careful of the wishes you grant”.
Just my musing about marriage male chastity and life in general on this slow and lazy post-coital Sunday afternoon 😉