OK to change your mind

by Sarah on February 6, 2015

Male chastity, as I’ve written before, is not an irreversible commitment; at least, not unless you actually castrate yourself (which some people do, I know, but that is as far from the principles I espouse as it’s possible to get).

However, while changing your mind is simple, it’s not always easy. I’ve written a LOT about this whole area in Be Careful What You Wish For because it’s so important and complicated, but I want to say a few words here, just to plug any gaps in the basic information I’ve already covered.

You already know broadly why it’s not wise to make decisions when you’re feeling emotional, but what you might not know is why that has long‐term effects you might not even be aware of (again, too complex and involved for the moment, but I do cover it in BCWYWF).

But another reason to be careful about the decisions you make is something called “Commitment and Consistency”.

Back in the 1970s a psychologist by the name of Robert Cialdini did some groundbreaking research and identified six powerful principles we humans use to influence each other and ourselves.

ciadiniThey are:

  1. Social Proof.
  2. Liking.
  3. Authority.
  4. Scarcity.
  5. Reciprocity.
  6. Commitment and Consistency.

For now, I just want to look at the last one.

What it broadly means is once we’ve said we’re going to do something, we feel we’re almost bound to do it. Meaning there’s a lot of internal resistance to changing our minds.

We rationalise this feeling in many ways, from not wanting to feel “stupid” to not wanting to “let people down” buy generic synthroid.

Now, there are several good reasons for us to evolve this kind of behaviour but it doesn’t always serve us well, because it can mean we feel we have to continue down our chosen path even though we (and everyone else) can see it’s not what we really want.

Marketers and salespeople use this principle – and the other 5 – to their advantage.

A word of caution: almost everyone claims they’re strong enough not to get “caught” by this. Statistically, some of them – most of them – are either lying or deceiving themselves. It’s taken as a sign of weakness, but in reality it’s no more a weakness than is seeing an optical illusion. It’s how we’re wired.

So what does this have to do with male chastity and what can we do about it?

Well, obviously it’s a good idea for us not to agree to things we later might regret – hence my warnings about making emotionally charged decisions, since they’re rarely good ones.

The second thing is even though we can’t easily avoid responding to these principles of persuasion, we can work around them.

In the case of Commitment and Consistency we can structure the agreement specifically to allow us to change our minds. By doing that the possibility of changing something forms part of the original decision itself.

Simple AND easy.

Although to do this it also means doing what I’ve recommended you do all along: sitting down and talking it through in detail, even if you think it’s square, unspontaneous and kinda dorky.

It might be all those things, but it’s not as dorky as following a path you’re not happy with and feeling you can’t do anything about it.

In His Chastity,

Sarah xxx

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