I know, I’ve been quiet. But that’s because I’ve been busy on the Ultimate Male Chastity Guide, “Be Careful What You Wish For” (and if you read the free Guide and the Newsletter) you’ll be One Big Happy Bunny this morning.
But now let me come up for air and answer a question before I get busy with my Olympus digital recorder – who’s responsible for making it all work?
Who’s responsible for orgasm denial and everything else that makes this such a delicious kink?
Why, both of you, of course.
The trouble is, there come times when it’s not clear who’s responsible for what.
When that happens, it’s because you’ve not set the ground rules properly.
Obviously, you can chop and change and slice and dice this any way you like, but however you do it, you’re going to have a lot more fun in the main if everyone knows what he or she has to do. Male chastity is, as I keep saying, a two-way street and something you do with someone, not to them.
And it’s not always easy.
There are times when I’m enjoying John so much I don’t have a hope in hell of stopping him from coming – a case in point being the session I described in the Newsletter a couple of weeks ago (yes, and you can get back issues). I’m simply so carried away with things all except for a little corner of me, which is frankly powerless to do anything except cross its metaphorical fingers and hope for the best, that I rely entirely on John’s self-control and willingness to play the game.
Do I like this?
Yes and no.
Yes, because it’s kind of fun watching John’s internal struggle and exquisite torture; and his strength, character and fortitude at stopping himself makes me love him and desire him even more.
And then there’s that bit of me resenting even this small loss of control of his orgasm. That’s a double-headed snake, too – it’s loss of my control, and also knowing John craves “forced” orgasm denial. In short he shouldn’t have to try not to come. Sort of feels like letting him down, if you know what I mean. Male chastity is about me being in control not John having to control himself.
Which leads me conveniently to an aside on something I’ve been meaning to say for ages – making your man come against his will, so to speak. Tell him he’s not allowed to, and keep telling him that all the way, making him work as hard as he can not to… but make him anyway. It’s fun.
If you’re into the reward/punishment thing rather than just the vanilla male chastity we tend to play, I’m sure you can think of amusing ways to spice it up even more (“10 hard and merciless strokes of the cane if you come, my lad!”, anyone?).
I do something like this on our “honeymoon weekends”, where I’ll make him hold on for as long as he can… and then do everything so, so, so slowly without letting him move an inch lest I stop for another 4 months (which gives me an idea for the Newsletter this week).
Anyway, it works.
Going full circle back to where we started and male chastity as a lifestyle rather than as isolated sessions, it really is something you both need to work at and know where the boundaries and responsibilities lie.
I know it’s fun to tease and play and even make them break the rules all in the name of fun, but there are times when you don’t want to be unclear about these things.
A case in point is the common problem where you get friction between couples – he whines and complains because she isn’t strict enough; she frets and worries because at the time she gives in she’s seeing her man suffer and most of us women really don’t enjoy that – it takes time for us to realise it’s what you crave about male chastity, even if it’s not what you want in the moment (interestingly some solipsistic fool complained yesterday telling me I was “wrong” when I say men want women to say “No!” to orgasm. I love it how these idiots seem to think they know the men who’ve told me this is true for them better than they know themselves. He might feel he wants his woman to say “yes”, but John craves denial and so do many, many more men even though they want release)
Fact is, couples need to set the ground rules for male chastity so she knows not to give in, and he knows not to blame her if he comes if he’s not told her or given her the clues that it’s imminent.
Over time she’ll probably learn to recognise the signs (amazing how few people see these even with their long-term partners –it takes practice and observation), but certainly in the early days, he’s going to have to tell her.
And above all, when things do go awry… there’s no point in finger pointing and blame-laying. All that does is keep the problem hanging around and makes the next time you try it even harder because you’re anxious about getting it right.
Laugh, wipe it off and chalk it up to experience. There’s a reason I go into this in depth in the free Guide, but hell, what do I know?
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