My comments on the question of “punishing” John for his accidental ruined orgasm a couple of weeks ago sparked some interesting emails in my inbox on the topic of “male punishment”.
As I’ve written before, the whole idea of punishing someone is to give them something they don’t want, correct? That’s pretty much a necessary (but not sufficient) criterion for any punishment, by definition, is it not?
So when someone writes to me with the idea of, say, making John “wait longer than a year”, or (and I’m not making this up), “treat him to his cuckold fantasy and make him wish he’d been more careful what he wished for”, I can’t help but think they’re missing the point entirely.
Because John enjoys his denial, and surely to say you should punish someone by indulging them in their hottest fantasy is just plain bizarre.
I know they mean well, and I don’t mean to be irritated or ungrateful for their comments and interest in my work, but…
How on Earth Would That Be Any Kind of “Male Punishment”?
Male punishment involving denial and cuckolding would for John be like punishing a dog by giving it a meaty bone!
Sadly, these two examples are both real and representative of the genre, it seems.
A few weeks ago someone was writing on Fetlife about all the things his being “submissive” meant his Domme could do to him – needless to say, they were all things he wanted her to do to him.
Nowhere in the list was there anything about her male punishment which might include slicing off his genitals with a knife, pouring burning sulphur in his eyes, or smashing his kneecaps with a hammer – all things genuine owners of real slaves have done to their property in the past.
And I can’t help but think once more of the fellow on the Male Chastity Forum a few weeks ago who was whining about how he wanted his wife to be a Domme again, without giving a single thought to what she wanted.
That’s not submission – that’s childish petulance and ignorant selfishness (and it’s no wonder his entire relationship is crap).
All this gives lie, of course, to the notion of forced male chastity, as well as all the other claims that male chastity and submission and female domination, including the idea of male punishment, are anything more than elaborate and sophisticated games.
Hot, fun, and exciting games to be sure, and there’s nothing wrong in this at all and I really don’t see how it diminishes the pleasure one can experience and enjoy from playing any of these games.
Quite to the contrary, from the number of threads posted about this general subject on forums like Fetlife it seems this lack of understanding – that none of this is real, no matter how real it feels – tells me this lack of distinction causes a lot of problems for people.
If it didn’t, they wouldn’t be asking all and sundry about they as Dommes and subs should comport themselves – because if it was real, they quite literally could just do anything they liked as Dommes, and the subs would just shut the fuck up and accept it.
But all that said, they are just games and male punishment is again something done always with consent.
And the blind refusal to see this truth about D&S and male punishment does cause some genuine problems, it seems. Because it’s not just the case that it’s a subjective thing – it is objectively the case that limits exist in these D&S relationships.
That means there are rules both parties have to follow. Yet if they’re both pretending there are no rules and male punishment is a free-for-all, then perhaps it’s no wonder there’s so much angst and hand-wringing going on because they’re trying to force the square peg of their subjective reality to fit into the round hole of objective reality.
It’s all rather sad, really.
To Me Real Male Punishment Would Involve Finding out What Your Man Wanted and then Giving Him None of It
But for me, certainly, that’s not something I’d want to do (and I think that’s as good an indication as any for the hard of thinking and reading that John and I aren’t in the D&S relationship you desperately want us to be in – I like to give John pleasure and that’s very important to me… that’s why I lock him and treat him to the severe T&D you’ve read about in the Newsletter and the Tuesday Tease).
Male punishment would not be giving him what he wanted, surely?
A case in point is the fellow on the Male Chastity Forum I mentioned above. He wants to be “property” and have his wife treat him any way she wants to…
Well… colour me stupid, but isn’t that exactly what she is doing by refusing to play the game how he wants it to be played? Isn’t this truly his “male punishment”?
So why isn’t he happy?
Ultimately it all comes down to ground rules and communication again. Create the framework for male chastity and set the ground rules as I describe in the free Guide and then you can both relax and let yourselves go, immersing yourselves in the fantasy free of angst.
Like all forms of D&S, male chastity, and other sexy games… male punishment is just a game.