Too one-sided?

by Sarah on October 16, 2011

Avery long and heartfelt message from a reader today.

i have a lady that i love very much and have loved for 13 years i intro­duced the chastity tube i bought the cb6k for longer then a one day usage. when we make love i try and tell her her that she comes first and that the device would only ben­e­fit her in the long run.

I sent her arti­cles of games that we can play with it and all the fun that can be had for her while i wear it. but she just mock and wants noth­ing to do with it. i freely give up the keys and fine it erotic and amaz­ing when she does play with it. how­ever, after two days she throws the keys too me with no games involved and says take it off.

i am truly at a loss here i have done what i can and am about to throw the device in the trash. if you cant play with it then what good it is hav­ing it around. i really want to have the fun and to make her happy and if she is not happy about the whole thing it will get rid of it. i even pro­posed to put it on and put the keys in the lock box that i bought just for it and then she would not have to worry about it.

her par­ents are vis­it­ing so i know there will be nothig while they are here so i pro­posed to put it on while they were vis­it­ing no wor­ries on her part. she denied me that pleasure.

am i miiss­ing some­thing or am i com­inh abouy it the wrong way. my pre­vi­ous thought that a woman would love to have that kind of con­trol. sex on her terms not mine and her plea­sure not mine till she allowed it.

we play some­times for two days but its not play­ing its more like she is just let­ting me wear it because she knows i like it. it has never made it two days and to be hon­est that is when the fun really starts. i was going to try and go five (thats how long the par­tents are vis­it­ing) but she said she didnt want me to do it. i love and respect her enough to honor her wish.

should i be a dick so she wants me locked up or should i try some­thing different.if not i will be throw­ing it in the trash its not worth keep­ing it if i am not going ro have fun with it snf motr impor­tantly if she isnt. thank you for lis­ten­ing any com­ments email me ~ JF

Well, ultimately if she won’t play, then she won’t play and there are some things we, each of us, simply won’t do no matter how hard people try to get us to do them.

For whatever reason they conflict with the values we hold dear.

That’s a worst‐case scenario but it’s one you have to be aware might be the result of all your efforts, no matter what you do. If that’s the case, then you need to decide what you want more: her, or chastity. I’m not making light of this, because you’d be amazed just how badly some men crave it. I don’t judge them, because we’re all entitled to be happy and to ask for what we want.

Without knowing the intimate details of your life and relationship (and I don’t want to know them — I am not a therapist) it’s hard to say, but it seems to me you’re being a little pushy about this. It’s all very one‐sided and seems to be you telling her what you want.

What’s in it for her?

What would she want out of it if she stopped long enough to listen to you?

I haven’t heard her side of things and it’s likely she has a very different view of how you’re approaching it from yours.

If I was in your place, I’d go back to square one and arrange some time to have a serious talk about your lives together. I wouldn’t even mention male chastity at first.

Why?

Because my feeling is if a woman or a man is this resolute and obstinate about something like this, then there’s usually some deeper problem in the relationship.

Men and women who are happy and comfortable with themselves and together in their sexual relationships tend to be more indulgent and willing to experiment for the sake of their mate, even if what’s suggested isn’t immediately appealing.

Sadly straight‐talk about sex between adults is woefully rare and exceedingly difficult for most.

The only suggestion I have on this, save for getting some counselling for you both is to read my free Guide and follow the steps. If you want more in‐depth material there’s always Be Careful itself, but I really don’t think that’s for you at this stage. It seems to me you have underlying issues to sort out first.

Being a dick won’t help. Male chastity is a game, and you don’t get people to play games with you by annoying them.

I’m sorry I can’t be much more help than that.

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