What Male Chastity Can Mean to a Man

by Sarah on March 17, 2011

I get a lot of email from the Male Chastity blog, far too much to reply to personally or even to bring up on these pages. But sometimes, one comes along that really does strike a chord in me and, in my opinion deserves some attention.

And the one I include here from D. is one of those. It’s quite long, and I’ll break it up in between my comments, but I think it’s going to benefit a lot of people, not least those new to male chastity or those still not quite ready to take the plunge.

I’ve been spending hours reading male chastity fiction on altarboy’s and other sites. It was fictional (and cheap). I couldn’t believe for a moment these were real people or real situations. But it always was a turn on, in a way.

Yes to all of that. And so long as you realise it is fiction, there’s no harm done. Trouble is, not only are there people who really do believe this codswallop when they read it, there are also people out there who write it and swear by All That’s Holy it is true. I recall reading recently on a forum replete with dunderheads, fantasists and the mentally subnormal a thread where they were having a serious discussion about the ‘true’ story of a guy whose wife ‘tricked’ him into a metal chastity device and it was ‘impossible’ to remove it without using liquid nitrogen to make the metal brittle, and that was too dangerous… Sweet Jesus, how thick can they possibly be not to be able to dismiss that kind of arrant nonsense out of hand?

I’m 45, my girlfriend is 31. We’re a couple since 2006. Our sex life got its ups and downs, but since a year or so mainly downs. We both are quite busy. Weeks can pass without making love. In the beginning we made love every day, almost.

Yup. About par for the course. Just one of the many thing male chastity can help to fix assuming your relationship is fundamentally sound.

I gave her like 3 or 4 orgasms (tongue, fingers, short penetration…) and then, often, she went asleep, leaving me horny and frustrated. There’s nothing I can enjoy more than this, the remembrance of her screams, having witnessed her climax. No way to get some sleep, feeling stressed and excited. To me, it’s like being very near to an orgasm, to the moment that’s better than the orgasm itself. I could maintain it for hours, days…

We never got any further than a day or a few days. We never really talked about what we were doing, unless her saying that she felt very guilty and selfish. “I got like ten orgasms, isn’t it your turn to have some fun now?” She wanted me to cum, right now, as if something had gone terribly wrong on the occasion before. That’s what worried her: “What did I do wrong? Don’t you like me anymore?”

I have a CB3000. I often wear it during the day. She doesn’t know about it and I wouldn’t dare to tell her. I expect a reaction of disgust. She suspects me, I know, of wanting her to be some kind of SM-dominatrix. That’s our issue. We do have discussions about the lack of making love, but we (or rather me) never get to the point. She says: “You want me to put on boots and latex, I never will.” I don’t know what to say, unless no. If I would show her the CB3000, it would be the ultimate confirmation of her fears, that’s for sure. So we (I) seem to avoid the subject. I just want to make love to her, and to be denied.

Well, this to me looks like a classic case of lack of communication. I do write about this in Be Careful What You Wish For, but it seems to me you’ve reached that point of stalemate where this particular subject can’t be talked about because of the emotions that surround it.

And while I know this isn’t going to be the answer you wanted to hear… but this won’t just go away or fix itself. Your desires won’t fade or wane and even though they will ebb from time to time, they’ll always be there and keep coming back, over and over again. Truth is, if you want it to work out, then your only option is to have a sensible and adult conversation with her about it. And it seems like you have your work cut out for you because you can’t force her to cooperate.

Your blog gave me the feeling that there might be an opening, that it’s not just creeps who like this kind of lifestyle. I don’t really know what I really want. Permanent chastity, or during a year, like you do to your husband, seems like heaven, in my fantasies, but I don’t think I could handle it. When we make love, and I cum, I lose all interest in her, in us. It makes me grab the remote control and watch a match or some stupid movie. I feel so much better, so much more an attentive and responsable boyfriend, and so much more usefull when sexually desperate.

Yup. A lot of men (and women) tell me that. John is no exception — one reason permanent orgasm denial is so attractive to us at the moment.

I don’t know what to do. In a way, I think she would be open to the idea, in another way I’m so afraid of what would happen if she would Google the words “male chastity” and see what kind of garbage would appear. Your blog took away a big part of that fear. I don’t need to erase my web history anymore, it would be so great if she would discover your blog one day.

I know you receive tons of mail and I don’t expect you to answer or give me any advice (I know exactly what I should do, but it’s not that easy).

D, it’s simple but not easy, I know. Although I strongly counsel against just letting her ‘find it’. That, to me, is almost passive-aggressive and is not the way to solve a problem like this. If you want her to understand your wants, desires and, yes, your needs then it will serve you well to take control of the process of how she gets the information — and that means executing a planned and structured introduction to it.

And that means confronting the problem squarely and putting your case clearly, unambiguously and assertively. You are entitled to ask for anything you like and you’re entitled to be listened to with respect.

She in her turn is entitled to refuse to play the game with you, in which case you have to perhaps decide what’s most important to you. Hell, she’s entitled to stick her fingers in her ears and sing “la la la” if she wants, but then that’s telling you something deep and meaningful about your relationship. Harsh reality, I’m afraid.

I am not saying she should go along with you, and I’m not saying you should leave her if she won’t. What I am saying is if a relationship isn’t fulfilling the needs of both of the people in it, then for the happiness of both something has to change — else it will stay the same. Many people refuse to confront this truth and so spend their lives in misery with people they don’t want to be with.

Just want to say thanks, thanks and thanks. You have no idea what your blog means to a person like me.

You are most welcome, D. And yet, I do have an inkling what it means because of all the kind words I get from men just like you.

You are not alone, even though it might feel like you are. If you have Be Careful What You Wish For then you’ll get a lot of advice and support from the Male Chastity Lifestyle Group;  otherwise I recommend the Chastity Forums.

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